


The Lion's Wolf.

by Pixiemixieheart



Series: The Path to Redemption. [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aaaaaand we're back to angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Because dammit Fenris and Cullen deserve to be happy, Eventual Smut, Evolving tags as story progresses, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I am not sorry, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It will get better soon I promise, M/M, POV Cullen, POV Fenris, Self-Acceptance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Thanks Six_Lily_Petals!, We have Fan Art!, eventually, finally something!, its Fenris after all, just a little, seriously slowest burn ever, so much fluffiness after a lot of pining, we have smut!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 07:17:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4212834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiemixieheart/pseuds/Pixiemixieheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was a follower not a Leader. He had been a slave, had followed Hawke until he was needed no longer, had done what Cullen had asked of him and more. He was good at following orders, THAT was who he was. How was he ever going to get used to being the one giving the orders instead? He wanted to run, to get far away from here as possible but...</p>
<p>Fenris sighed and looked down at the Commander training the recruits. </p>
<p>"Festis bei uno canavarum" He said shaking his head and walking back towards the Main Hall.</p>
<p>*nsfw chapters marked on chapter index</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back! So, I'm really excited for this one. Its gonna be a few weeks probably until I update but I wanted to give you a sneak peak and post the Prologue :) (which is admittedly very short.. but its meant to be just a tease ;) ) 
> 
> Jessica and Solas will feature fairly regularly so do not fret ;P we will still be following their story. But I suggest you buckle up and board the angst train! its gonna be a bumpy ride ;P

Prologue

 

A month.

Fenris had been the Inquisitor for a month and already he wanted to run. The days and weeks after the battle with Coryphaeus had proved to be...difficult for the warrior to adjust to. He had spent as much time as was possible in his room when he was not tasked with some form of Inquisitorial duty. There was so much to be done, so many meetings, so many nobles to reassure. It was exhausting. He was not built for this, he was no leader.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

The voice behind him startled him out of his brooding. There was something to be said about the depth of his inner turmoil when he hadn’t even heard her walk up to him. Jessica was a lot of things, but sneaky was not one of them.

“Penny?” he asked turning to face her and away from the white peaked mountains view-able from his balcony.

“Ah yeah... I suppose a penny would be a copper here.”

It was now common knowledge amongst their inner circle that Jessica was not originally from this world. Her father had been, but she was born on a world called earth. It was mere chance that had set her path to cross with her cousins. Cullen however preferred to think it was fate and as such the will of the Maker.

“Are my thoughts worth so little?”

“Do you annoy me by accident or do you make a conscious effort? Just out of curiosity.”

Fenris gave her one of his rare half smiles that only she seemed to be able to coax from him so easily.

“Both.” He answered smugly.

“And I am the infuriating one?” she laughed.

He turned back to look at the mountains again.

“You know Fen, you’re gonna have to leave your room sometime. Cullen is worried. He keeps asking me If I’ve spoken to you and if I know how you are.”

His Knight Captain...no, His Commander was worried about him? It was a cruel twist of fate that he finally could call him HIS Commander truthfully and yet it still not be in the way that he wished it the most. Fenris knew he was a fool to want and long for something he could never have, and he had tried to stop it, but he could not get the Ex-Templar out of his head.

“If he is so concerned he can ask me himself. It is not as we have not seen each other in the past month.”

Jessica sighed.

“You know he is just giving you time to adjust Fen, he doesn’t want to crowd you now that so many people are vying for your attention. And you’re not making it easier for him to approach you, are you? That constipated look you’ve been sporting really doesn’t suit you.”

Fenris laughed and quickly covered it up with a cough.

“When are you going to tell him?” she asked her features softening.

“Jessica...”

“What? Come on. You can’t expect me to keep quiet forever. You saw the state he was in when we thought you had died. When he...”

“Stop.” He said cutting off what she was about to say.

He thought about that moment every night. The memory of Cullen’s fingers curled around his neck still lingered. He refused to read more into it than there was, even if Jessica persisted in it.

“He reacted as anyone would have who had thought their friend dead. No more.” When it looked like Jessica was about to protest he added. “I said, stop.”

Jessica sighed dejectedly.

“Fine. I’ll stop.” Then she smiled. “But I’m leaving tomorrow so it is my prerogative to have a goodbye party. See you at the Tavern at sunset!” she grinned as she exited the balcony into his room.

“I hate you!” He yelled after her with no small amount of amusement in his voice. She was relentless, he had to admire that.

“I hate you more!” she yelled back happily as she descended the stair case and out of his room.


	2. Taverns and smalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and his magnificent foot in his mouth..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes .... I have no patience lol I was going to wait a few weeks to start posting but I have impulse control problems. I'll just keep to trying to post at least a chapter a week and see how it goes :)

It was way past sunset when Fenris walked down the stairs into the courtyard. He would not deny Jessica his presence on her last night in Skyhold if that was her wish. But that did not mean that he had to enjoy it, nor did it mean that he had to be on time.

He would be civil, and he would not spoil this for her. Somewhere along their journey he had come to care for the infuriating woman. She got on his nerves and pushed him further than anyone else dared, lest they find themselves missing one heart, but paradoxically that had only made him warm to her quicker. He wanted to see her happy and so, even though he hated social gatherings, he would do this. He had, after all, done far worse for far less deserving people.

As he opened the door to the Tavern and walked in, he half expected to find himself in an empty room with just Cullen waiting for him with a bewildered look on his face. He definitely would not put it past Jessica to arrange it. He was thankful to find that his fears were unwarranted. There was indeed a gathering of the inner circle at the far corner table as Jessica had said.

Varric appeared to be in his element as he recounted some story or another to the group, all of which were laughing loudly at whatever he was saying. All except Cullen who appeared to look uncomfortable and flushed as he took a big gulp of his ale.

“She never did guess the colour of his smalls.” He heard Varric say as he walked towards the group

“That’s because he doesn’t wear any.” Dorian stated as Fenris came to a stop directly behind him.

The whole group went quiet.

“What? As if none of you have noticed. His armour is impossibly tight and he never has any visible small lines on that delectably taught rear of his. I know for certain you must have noticed Bull and our dear Lady Seeker, don’t think I haven’t see...”

“Maker, Dorian just stop talking!” Cullen said angrily.

Realisation finally struck Dorian as he winced and added.

“He’s behind me isn’t he?”

Fenris just stood there. He could feel the warmth creeping up his cheeks and feel the heat at the tip of his ears. The Mage was lucky this hadn’t happened a year ago. A year ago he would have crushed his heart first and asked questions later, if for no other reason that he was an Altus.

These were not his friends. This was not friendly banter between Hawke, Isabella and the others. These people, with the exception of Cullen and Jessica, were acquaintances at best. He wanted to turn around and leave. No, that wasn’t true… He wanted to inflict grievous bodily harm to the Mage, and possibly Varric. But that was out of the question, he was the Inquisitor now.

 

Fenris took a deep breath and considered what he should do. It was embarrassing to be sure, but the mage had not insulted him. Had he done so no amount of professionalism would have stayed his hand. In fact, in any other circumstance he would see it as a compliment. However, here in the presence of what were essentially his … what were they? Associates?...

He was taking too long, he had to do something. Doing the first thing that came to his head he turned, grabbed a nearby chair and sat next to the mage. If nothing else the action was worth it just to see the look of horror (and fear) on the mage’s face.

“I..Inquisitor..I..I am..” Dorian fumbled for words.

Fenris simply ignored him.

“Free Marcher rules?” He asked, his tone remarkably neutral.

The sigh of relief from the entire group was almost palpable. It took a couple of games of diamondback but eventually all the tension was gone and the easy, companionable banter returned.

Fenris had said little in the hour or so that he sat there. Occasionally he would lift his head from his cards to order some more wine but otherwise he didn’t join in on the others conversations. Jessica with her incessant need to meddle had tried drawing him out to talk to Cullen a couple of times but thankfully had given up after four failed attempts.

It was midnight by the time he decided he’d done his duty and stood to leave the Tavern.

“Are you leaving already?” Jessica said pouting sadly.

“I am tired. “He stated simply. “I will see you and Solas in the morning before you leave on your journey.”

“To...” Dorian said hopefully.

Jessica laughed as she scooted closer to Solas and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“Super secret mission Dorian. My lips are sealed.” She answered smugly.

“Bah! You’re no fun.”

Fenris had promised Jessica he would not disclose Solas true identity and who he was as long as it did not go against the Inquisitions interests. Solas had said he could work towards finding a permanent solution to the rifts more efficiently from his own temple and Fenris had agreed to let him go. Of course wherever Solas went, so did Jessica. He did not want to see her leave, especially as Cullen would miss her terribly, but it was her choice to make and she had chose Solas.

“All right Fenny. We’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Goodnight.” He nodded in parting to the rest of the group.

Turning to leave before giving everyone a chance to say their goodnights he almost ran out of the Tavern. Venehdis he really hated social gatherings and was glad to get out of there.

Fenris felt the cool night breeze on his face and relished in the clean scent of the mountain air. He had spent many nights in the Hanged Man in Kirkwall, so he was no stranger to the uniquely acrid smell of body odour and ale that was a given in any Tavern, but he found that his tolerance for it was not what it once was. He pondered that he should really make his way to bed and rest. He had a surprise for Jessica and wanted to be at the stables before she arrived in the morning.

“Fenris?”

His heart skipped a beat and his markings flared to life for a moment. He would know that voice anywhere. He stopped walking and turned.

“Cullen? Is something wrong?”

“Ah..um..no” Cullen answered rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I was just wondering... um... Are you all right?”

Without thinking Fenris took a few steps forwards directly into Cullen’s personal space. The Commander’s stance stiffened slightly and his breath faltered for a moment. He had taken the steps forwards instinctively, not planning on anything beyond perhaps seeking comfort from being closer to him. Theirs was a friendship that had started tentatively. Back in Kirkwall when Fenris still followed Hawke around like a lost puppy, Cullen had been not quite an enemy but definitely not an ally. 

After the chaos that Anders had caused in Kirkwall and Cullen was recruited into the Inquisition, Fenris had received a letter from Cullen. Unable to read the letter for himself and unwilling to ask anyone for help in the task he had only asked the messenger who had sent it. The messenger had informed him that the message came from no other than the Commander of the newly formed Inquisition. Fenris had initially thought that perhaps Hawke and Anders had been found and so made his way to Haven only to find that was not the case. It had been then that Cullen had asked him for help in finding proof that the man who the people had dubbed the Herald of Andraste was not the benevolent noble that he had painted himself as, and was in fact a slaver, rapist and murderer.

Of course Fenris agreed to help, and over the months that followed every time he came back to Haven to debrief (and Skyhold later) they would meet and discuss on the progress Fenris had made so far. Eventually, they began to talk about other things as well and Fenris found himself returning more and more often when there was no need to. Even more surprising was that Cullen never once brought up to Fenris that so many visits were unnecessary. Unexpectedly Fenris realised that somewhere along the way they had formed a friendship that was much more than just that of allies united in a common cause.

Fenris took a step back. He was a fool, what was he thinking? If there is one thing he knew better than anyone it was never to invade anyone’s personal space unless you are actively trying to intimidate them. Intimidation was not what he intended with Cullen. He wanted...

“I apologise Cullen. I did not mean....” He lifted his hand to his eyes and rubbed them with his thumb and forefinger before pinching the bridge of his nose. With a sigh he continued. “I am well. You need not worry.”

Cullen sighed, perhaps from relief? Exasperation? Fenris couldn’t tell.

“Are you really?”

He saw the look of concern on the Commanders face and his resolve in pretending nothing was the matter faltered.

“I...no. There is just so much...I do not know if I can do this.”

Cullen looked at him seriously. Amber eyes locked with green.

“You are capable of so much more than you think you are Fenris. You are exactly what this Inquisition needs, even if you cannot see it yet. I pray that one day you will believe that as I do.” Cullen raised his hand and placed it on Fenris’ shoulder. “You are not alone in this.”

Fenris could feel his heart beat quicker in his chest at the touch. He hated feeling like some infatuated teen in one of Varric’s novels. But as he looked into Cullen’s eyes, heard the conviction with which the words were spoken, he knew he was lost. This man was going to be the death of him.

“My door is always open if you want to talk or simply wish a quiet place to get away from it all for a while. It has been too long since we shared a bottle of wine.” Cullen said and Fenris was glad to see the familiar half smile that he had not seen on the Commander’s lips for far too long.

“I look forward to it.” He replied in with a barely discernible smile of his own that only those most attuned with Fenris would even recognize was there.

Cullen lowered his hand and Fenris immediately missed the warmth of it.

“Good. After you Inquisitor.” said Cullen whilst gesturing with his hand towards the main hall.

“As you command Knight Captain.” He half smirked and led the way with Cullen following beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading ! 
> 
> In case you were wondering Isabella and her imaginative mind was always trying to guess the colour of Fenris smalls.... Poor Bella never did find out. Hehehe


	3. Prayers and Farewells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is in denial ;P

Cullen and Fenris parted ways in the main hall and he took the path through the Rotunda to his office. He felt more at ease now that he had spoken with Fenris and realised that the elf had not been avoiding him purposely. He never expected Fenris to adapt to the post of Inquisitor without difficulty but he had been worried that perhaps he had overstepped his boundaries the day of the final confrontation with Coryphaeus. It was the only explanation he had come up with for Fenris’ sudden withdrawal and his reluctance to leave his quarters.  Cullen still did not understand what had come over him that day.

The agonising despair at the thought of losing Fenris had hit him like a horde of rampaging Darkspawn, and by contrast the joy and relief that followed when he realised that Fenris would be all right had been overwhelming.  He was not surprised that he would be upset if something happened to Fenris. He was his friend after all and Cullen was not a cold hearted man.  Still, as the Commander of the Inquisition he was all too aware that they had been at war. In war people die, casualties are expected and he knew it was always a possibility that one of his friends would not make it. He had prepared himself for it should it happen...But the utter anguish, the terror he felt in that moment when he looked down at Fenris unmoving form and thought he was gone was just....

Cullen raised his hand to open the door to his office and noticed it was shaking. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and grabbed the door knob to still the tremor. This train of thought was pointless, Fenris was fine.  He should know better than to dwell on what could have happened.  Shaking his head he locked the door behind him and made his way up the ladder to his loft.

The familiar routine of removing his armour before bed soothed the last of his uneasiness.  By the time the last piece of armour was placed neatly on the chair at the foot of the bed and he removed his shirt and breeches, he was calm.

He settled into bed with a sigh of relief. It had been a long day and even his bones were tired. His mind wandered back to a little earlier when Fenris had said he looked forward to sharing a bottle of wine with him and had graced Cullen with a flicker of a smile. And that smirk not long after... Maker, that smirk when Fenris repeated the words he had said to Cullen after the elf had crushed the Inquisitors heart. Said in that deep voice that was uniquely Fenris, rough and yet smooth at the same time. Cullen had felt the vibrations of that voice roll over his whole body as if it had been something tangible.

That made him think of even earlier when Fenris had essentially stalked right up to him and he thought...Maker he didn’t know what he thought.  All he was certain of was that his heart had sped up and for a moment he forgot to breathe. For the life of him he didn’t know what that meant.  It wasn’t as if it was the first time he had been that near to Fenris, but the intense look in those beautiful green eyes had... Maker’s Breath! What was happening? Why was his body....

 He needed to go to sleep quickly.  Yes, Sleep now and in the morning this...feeling he couldn’t quite place would be gone.

That night Cullen recited the entire Canticle of Transfigurations, the Canticle of Silence and the Canticle of Trials...twice.   

\-------------------------------------------------------

Fenris winced at the high pitched squeal that erupted from Jessica as she run towards the barn. He would never have thought such a loud noise could come from such a small woman. There was not a banshee in the entirety of Thedas that would be a match for Jessica at that moment.

“Athim!” she repeated over and over as he hugged the horse’s neck.

Athim affectionately nuzzled her hair as she hang on to him.

Fenris lip lifted at the corner into a small smile.  It was good to see her reunited with her horse. They were a perfect match in his opinion. The horse was just as infuriatingly stubborn as she was.

Solas stood beside Fenris leaning on his staff, wearing a smile not too different from Fenris’ one.

“How long has he been here for?”  He asked.

“A week.” Stated Fenris matter of factly.  “I had Cullen send some men out in the hopes that the beast had escaped the bandits that attacked us. He was found in a meadow due east from here, tired and hungry but in relatively good health.”

“This is a good thing you have done for Jessica. You have my thanks.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” Fenris answered truthfully.

His relationship with Solas was strained at best. He still had not forgiven the Elvhen god for leaving Jessica with Lelianna still a threat.

“You have my gratitude nevertheless.” Answered Solas graciously.

Jessica was still making cooing noises and stroking Athim’s mane happily, oblivious to the others attention.

“You will send raven’s if there is any progress with the rifts.” It was a statement not a question.

“I shall. I will also send Zath’ael to Skyhold within the month. It will be quicker and more secure to relay messages with him here and there will be no need for ravens.”

“Hmn.” Fenris was not pleased the elf would be coming to Skyhold but he could not deny the logic of it. With no need for ravens there was no way for messages to be intercepted and with Fenris unable to read it solved a lot of problems about who would relay the sensitive information to him. Not to mention that the only people who knew Fenris was illiterate were Varric and Cullen.

“Vhenan, we should leave before the sun has fully risen.”

Jessica gave Athim one last chaste kiss on his muzzle before turning towards Fenris and Solas.

“Should we not wait for Cullen?” asked Fenris.

“We already went to his office earlier and said our goodbyes. He has a new intake of recruits this morning and he could not miss their induction.” Solas replied.

“Busy busy little bee that cousin of mine.” Jessica laughed. “Fenny you have to promise to take care of him for me, because god knows he doesn’t take care of himself. He’ll work himself sick if you let him.”

“Woman, he is a grown man. But if it will stop your incessant worrying I promise to make sure that he is in good health at all times. Is that sufficient?”

“Yeah, that works for me.” She smiled. “I’m gonna miss you Fen.” She finished losing her smile.

“Ugh.” Fenris rolled his eyes and attempted to appear dismissive.

In truth he was going to miss her as well, but it was not in his nature to show too much emotion. He was miles better at expressing what he felt than he had been in Kirkwall, but he was still learning.

“Oh hush you. I know you’re going to miss me too.” She said as she all but threw her arms around him in a hug.

“Believe what you will.” He said but his actions spoke differently as he hugged her back just as tightly as she did him.

Solas coughed, obviously unimpressed by her display of affection and they let go.

Fenris watched as the stable hand held Athim whilst Jessica and Solas mounted up. His heart feeling uncomfortably tight as he watched the stable hand guide them towards Skyhold’s gate.

“Fenny!” she yelled as they were leaving.

“What?”

“I hate you!”

“I hate you more!” ye yelled back and couldn’t stop the smile that formed at the words.

\------------------------------------------------------

The batch of new recruits had potential. Most were farmers from Hinterlands but they were strong and most importantly eager to learn. Cullen could work with that. After introductions and his initial address had been made he had ordered his lieutenants to arm them with training weapons to see what they could do. They were raw and their attacks undisciplined but they would get better with practice and direction.

Cullen wiped a bead of sweat from his brow. It was getting hotter by the day and his armour was not helping the situation. Soon he would have to forgo his cloak at the very least, a thought which brought him no comfort. He knew there was no logic to it but he felt much more at ease when he was wearing it.

“What do you make of our new recruits Lieutenant Jacobs?”He asked using his Commander voice.

He had to be certain to maintain the veneer of professionalism in front of the new recruits. He was not always so formal with his soldiers. He knew how being approachable by his staff was as important as being respected but for the recruits first few months he had to maintain his authority lest they take advantage of their superiors good graces.

“They will require a lot of training Commander, but I believe they will do well.” Jacobs answered loudly to make sure that the recruits heard.

“Very good. I expect them to be ready to join the main infantry within the fortnight.”

“As you say Commander.”  Johnson Saluted and continued instructing one of the recruits who kept dropping his shield.

Cullen was tired. He had not slept much the night before. His old instructor would have been proud of the diligence and conviction with which he had recited the Chant of light well into the early hours of the morning.  At least now he was feeling much more himself, which was to say he was exhausted and his mind almost fully occupied with work. His thoughts were also engaged with worrying about Jessica and Solas. Hoping that their journey to wherever they were going was swift and uneventful.

He was still a little bit upset that they had not told him their destination and purpose but he accepted that there must be a reason for the secrecy, even if he was not happy about it.  Fenris knew their objective at least and if Jessica was going to be in any danger he trusted his friend to tell him.

Cullen turned his head to the sky to see the position of the sun. By now Jessica and Solas would be deep into the mountains pass. As he lowered his gaze a shock of white caught his attention on the battlements near his office.  He looked just in time to see Fenris turn and walk into his office.

It would appear his Inquisitor had need of him and so he made his excuses to the Lieutenant and made his way back to his office. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys :) I hope you're enjoying it. Please don't be shy and leave me feedback if you like it as it helps me to keep writing and is very very very appreciated :)


	4. Suprises part 1.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so many suprises ;P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a bit long for my liking so I've divided it up in two parts. The second part is not quite ready yet so hopefully ill be able to post that up tomorrow :)

Fenris sat on the Commander’s guest chair debating whether or not to climb up the ladder onto the loft and wait for him there instead. That was what he used to do every time he came to visit Cullen in the past. Things were different now however, perhaps the Commander would take issue if he arrived to find Fenris sitting on the chair by the bed and drinking his wine.

With Jessica gone perhaps he could find some sense of normalcy with Cullen now that he was not constantly being reminded about how much Fenris wanted him. He knew Cullen did not like men, and even if he did there was no way the pious Commander would entertain any sort of romantic attachment to Fenris.

What could he offer him after all? He was a lyrium branded ex slave and a dangerous unpredictable weapon, now with the added complication of being able to close rifts. Denarius had drilled into him how no one would ever find him attractive because of what he was. He was no fool though, he knew that was not entirely accurate. He saw the look that most mages gave him at the point of meeting. Like they wanted to devour him whole. True the reason mages desired him had a lot less to do with physical attraction and much more to do with how the Lyrium in his skin pulled at their magic. Even Templar’s had occasionally given him that look. Never Cullen though.

No, Cullen would not want him even if his tastes were so inclined.  

The door opening suddenly had his markings flare up for a moment before he got it under control.

“Inquisitor, how can I help you.” Cullen asked as he entered.

The formal tone threw Fenris a little and stumbled over his words as he stood to regard the Commander.

“I...er..” Quickly regaining his composure he cleared his throat and continued. “Commander, I simply wished to inform you that Jessica and Solas have are on their way to their destination and we are to expect guest within the fortnight. Would you inform Lady Montilyet to make ready for his arrival?”

“Of course Inquisitor. May I inquire as to who this guest is? Are they known to us?”

“His name is Zath’ael. He is...an acquaintance of Solas.”

“Very good.”

Fenris stood and after a couple of moments shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He had been prepared to ask if Cullen had time to share some wine with him that evening but after the formal greeting he was uncertain how it would be received.

“Was there something else you needed?” asked Cullen and if Fenris didn’t know any better he would have sworn the other man was blushing.

“I…No, that was all. Thank you Commander.” He said as he turned to leave.

“Fenris?” was it his imagination or had Cullen’s tone turned softer.

“Yes?”

“Um... “Cullen rubbed his neck nervously. “I...Never mind.”

Now that Fenris had stopped to look, really look, he noted the dark circles under his eyes. The Ex-Templar looked...drained. Was he working too much and not sleeping? Was he even eating? He looked pale. Inwardly he cursed Jessica and the promise he had made to her just that morning.

“Cullen, when was the last time you slept?” he asked walking back towards the desk his awkwardness a moment before replaced by concern.

Cullen’s appeared surprised by the question.

_Why was he acting so strange?_

“Last night.” He answered after a moment.

“And for how long?”

Cullen sighed.

“A few hours.”

“Cullen, you need to sleep more than just a few hours. You will burn yourself out if you continue to work at the pace at which you are presently. I cannot force you to fall asleep when you should, but at the very least I can make sure that you eat. Will you join me at my quarters tonight for dinner?” asked Fenris even as he cursed himself for asking the other man to his room.

It was hard enough trying to not think about him in any other capacity other than as a friend, and he just made that even harder for himself by inviting him to his room.

Cullen looked like he was about to decline for a moment but then nodded.

“As you wish Inquisitor.”

“I do wish it.” Fenris stated simply.  “Until tonight.” He finished as he turned and left the office without another word.

“Until tonight.” Cullen whispered to himself.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Why was he nervous? This was Fenris for Maker’s sake. He had spent many long nights with him drinking wine and discussing all manner of things before. It was true that at first he was not fully comfortable around the stoic warrior. But that had been mostly Cullen’s fault for judging him based purely on the little he knew about him from his time in Kirkwall and listening to unreliable second hand reports about his character.

It didn’t take long to realise that Fenris was not just merely a mindless weapon. The elf was intelligent, loyal and deeply passionate about everything. The latter of which was especially evident if he was comfortable enough in your presence.

Cullen was a better man for having known him. So why was he nervous of spending time with him now?

“Fluttering, like Butterflies when I think about him. Why do I want to smile when someone says his name?”

“Andraste’s ars...Cole! What have I told you about sneaking up on people?” Cullen exclaimed startled, turning to see the spirit perched on his desk.

“Not to.” Answered Cole dejectedly. “But you were so loud. I don’t understand. He is not afraid. Why are you?”

“Cole...”

“Want to take more than he can give, want to give more than he can take, I want...I _want_.” Cole looked sad for a moment before he continued. “The chains are broken but am I truly free?... She was right.”

Cullen did not want to hear anymore.

“Enough Cole. Peoples private thoughts should stay private.”

“He wants to say it but he can’t. I tried to talk to him but he does not trust me, he thinks I am like Anders but I am not, I am Cole. “

Cullen felt the start of a headache coming on. He did not want to think about this, Cole had no idea what he was talking about. Picking up stray thoughts and feelings and weaving them together to build a distorted idea of the truth. He was more human now, his insight was flawed.

“We are done here Cole. I have work to do.” Then, feeling a little guilty for chastising the spirit who only wanted to help, he added in a much softer tone. “I know you mean well Cole, but people’s private thoughts are private for a reason.”

Cole nodded.

“It is hard for him to trust anyone...but he trusts you.” and with that he was gone.

\--------------------------------------------------

Fenris looked at the paperwork accumulating on his desk. Josephine had come by his room a little earlier and asked him, very diplomatically, to hurry up and return it to her.  He could ask Varric or Cullen for assistance of course, and he knew eventually he would have to ask for help if he was going to be able to carry out his duties as Inquisitor with any  degree of effectiveness, but simply wasn’t ready.

He felt useless, less than useless. What sort of a leader couldn’t read? He had not felt so worthless since his days as a slave. No, that was incorrect. As a slave at least he knew his place, knew that he was valuable and good at what he did. He couldn’t decide what was worse; Being a slave and knowing that you were better than what people thought of you or being Inquisitor knowing that you were less than what everyone thought you to be.

His markings flared as the feeling of hopelessness turned to anger and with one swift swipe of his arm he sent the piles of papers scattering to the floor.

“Venhedis!”

He needed to do something, something he knew. Something that was familiar. Something that grounded him and didn’t make him feel like he was just caught in the undertow and going along without a clue about what he was doing. The thought came to him almost instantly. He needed to train. He had not trained since being at Skyhold. At first he had been recovering from his injuries, but that was no longer the case. He was healthy now.

It was too late in day to make his way down to the training yard; Cullen would be there shortly for dinner. He would have just about enough time to bathe and change out of his armour. He categorically refused to wear the garments Josephine had supplied him with for use within Skyhold. He was a warrior and as such during the day he continued to wear the armour that was like a second skin to him, minus the gauntlets and sword of course.  

In the Evenings he continued his usual routine as he was accustomed to and wore only a pair of tight black breeches whilst he was in his room. Today however, he would not go bare-chested. Soon he would have company and so he opted instead for a loose fitting white shirt made of silk. 

He placed the clothes he had decided on neatly on the bed and began the tedious task of removing  his armour.  Once he was finished he made his way to the tub in the small room behind his bed that had been converted into a makeshift bathroom. Fenris refused to bathe in the middle of the bedroom as the previous Inquisitor had, it felt too open.

The water was cold but he endured, stepping fully within it and efficiently washing the day’s dirt and sweat from his body and finished off by fully submerging in the cold water to wash his hair. The chore was completed quickly and without fuss. It had taken all of five minutes before he was stepping out drying roughly and wrapping the towel around his waist.

Fenris was shaking the excess water out of his hair with fingers when he stepped out of the back room and stopped mid step.

Cullen stood in the middle of his room eyes wide in shock as he took in the sight of Fenris before him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part where Cole says "The chains are broken but are you truly free?" is taken from DA2 when Flemeth meets Fenris.  
> I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading!


	5. Suprises 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yummy Fenny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand this is part 2.

“Cullen, you’re early.” Stated Fenris as he continued walking towards the bed, still shaking the excess water out of his hair.

Droplets moisture trailed down his neck and down his back almost as if they were following the markings in his skin. Cullen had never realised how extensive Fenris’ markings were. He had also never realised how they enhanced the natural beauty of the elf’s lithe body.

Cullen always knew the elf did not share the same body type as the rest of his race. Fenris had always been taller and one could tell that under his armour he was much sturdier than most elves but he had never expected this…perfection.

_Sweet Maker he’s magnificent._

Cullen could not tear his gaze away from Fenris. It was as if time had stopped for the Ex-Templar and the only thing that mattered was the scene before him. In fact he had forgotten the reason he was even there in the first place. The elf continued to dress unawares of the scrutiny of the Commander who was still frozen in place some six feet behind him.

The towel was unceremoniously dropped and Fenris grabbed the breeches on the bed and stepped into them. With his back turned to the Commander, Cullen had an unhindered view of his blessedly bare rear and noted that the markings truly were present everywhere. Dorian had not been wrong, the elf wore no smalls.

Cullen didn’t even have the presence of mind to look away for decorum’s sake. He continued to stare transfixed at the unashamedly bare warrior before him.  If Cullen had been more himself at that moment he would have noted with curiosity the disappointment he felt as Fenris donned his breeches fully. He would have also noted the confused look his friend was giving him as he turned to face him. Furthermore, had he not been looking at the elf’s flawless chest so intently he would have heard his friend’s discreet cough and noted how he shuffled uneasily on his feet.

As it was, Cullen did not notice any of these things. It was not until Fenris finally spoke that Cullen’s eyes snapped up to the elf’s face and his faculties fully returned.

“Cullen?...Are you all right? Have I caused you distress?”

What Cullen meant to say was that he was fine. What he meant to convey, was that the elf had done nothing wrong. Instead what he said was;

“You’re perfect.”

_Fuck what? Did I say that out loud?_

The myriad of emotions in Fenris’ eyes in less than three seconds was impressive. Fenris expression changed swiftly from confusion, to hope, to realisation and finally…was that disappointment? The elf was never one to betray emotion, but his eyes were so expressive he was not hard to read if you knew what to look for.

“Ah, I did not think… It was thoughtless of me.”

Fenris grabbed the shirt from the bed, slid his hands into the sleeves and slipped the shirt on over his head. The action made all muscles in his chest taught and Cullen thought his legs might give out right then and there. The simple task of donning a shirt should not have been so tempting; it should not have made Cullen’s heart skip a beat.

“Thoughtless of you?” asked Cullen finally, his voice a little rough.

“The lyrium.” Stated Fenris simply as if that explained everything.

“The lyrium?” asked Cullen again.

_Maker I sound like a simpleton._

Fenris turned towards Cullen and regarded him carefully.

“Perhaps you should sit down. The table is set out on the balcony.”

“I…ah... Yes, I think that is a good idea.” Replied Cullen and began making his way to the balcony on shaky legs.

Fenris laughed. It was over quickly, and more of a bark but it was still a laugh. Cullen had to grip the table for support as his legs finally gave way and he sat down on the chair rather ungracefully. 

What was happening? Fenris did not laugh. He chuckled; sometimes he chuckled louder and quickly coughed to cover it up. But he did not laugh. The deep timbre of the sound rolled over Cullen’s body like a wave of pure sin. Maker, he was never going to survive this night.

At this point Cullen could no longer lie to himself as he had been doing. He already knew he cared for the elf so that was not a surprise. But this was truly the first time that Cullen admitted to himself that Fenris in his entirety affected him.

“I think perhaps dangling pure lyrium in front of An ex Templar was not the wisest of choices.” Said Fenris with small smile as he moved to join him at the table. “Forgive me. I should not laugh, but you looked like a newly birthed fawn walking for the first time.”

  _Lyrium? He thinks I am acting like a fool because of the lyrium. Maker, I hadn’t even remembered the markings were lyrium._

Taking a deep breath, closing his eyes to calm himself Cullen finally resolved to do what Jessica referred to as _get his shit together._ If there was one thing Cullen excelled at it was self-control. He could do this.  He would not let his mind wander to less than appropriate thoughts about his friend.  Fenris deserved better.

“It...Ah… was unexpected. That is…I am well. The lyrium does not trouble me.”

It was a good excuse to be sure. But he did not want the elf to think that he was making Cullen uncomfortable because of something that he had no control over. Especially since it wasn’t true. Maker only knew how he was going to explain how he was acting if pressed, but still…

“Hm.”  Replied Fenris monotone as he poured the wine.

Cullen was about to insist that the lyrium did not inconvenience him as Fenris looked less than convinced, but a knock at the door stopped him from pressing the issue.

“Come!” shouted Fenris standing to make his way in to the room.

_Andraste’s sweet bosom THAT is not a word I can deal with coming from his lips in my current state._

“Please.”  Said Fenris walking towards the stairs. “Allow me to assist. Why did you not ask another of the kitchen staff to help you?” he finished saying as he took both plates of food from the young serving girl’s hands.

“I…don’t…” she stammered, blushing furiously.

When it was clear she was not going to say anything else Fenris continued.

“Thank you.”

The girl did not move.

“I said. Thank you.” Repeated Fenris a little uncertainly but not unkindly.

“Y..y…you’re w..wel..welcome Inquisitor.” She answered in a small voice.

Still, she did not move.

“Marie was it?” asked Cullen, still seated at the balcony.

“Yes Commander.” She replied much more confidently than she had with Fenris.

Cullen smiled at her sympathetically. He remembered her from the many meals that had been delivered to his office whilst he worked late into the night. She was a nice enough young lady but a little on the jittery side. He was not surprised she was frightened of the new Inquisitor. After all she had had to deal with the old one. It would take a while before the staff realised that Fenris was not Maxwell in terms of temperament.  Fenris was a prickly sort but he was neither unkind nor rude, and especially not to serving staff.

“Thank you Marie. You may go. We will call if we need anything else.”

The young girl curtseyed and quickly left.

Fenris faced Cullen, holding the two plates he made his way back to the table.

“Once again I prove that I have no idea what I am doing.” Fenris said as he placed one of the dishes before the Commander and sat down with his own. “I do not take my meals in my quarters, I am…unaccustomed to dealing with the serving staff.”

“Where have you been eating then?” asked Cullen a little confused. The Inquisitor almost as a rule ate in his quarters unless there were dignitaries or guests that required his company in which case he was expected to dine in the main hall.

“Have you not noticed there are far less Pidgeon’s about Skyhold of late?” He asked deadpan as he cut a piece of steak and put it in his mouth and chewed. 

Cullen faltered, the piece of steak that he had been about to put into his mouth held still on the fork midway to his mouth.

Fenris appeared unperturbed and swallowed, looking down to cut another piece of steak. The barest flicker of his lips alerted Cullen to the fact that he was joking.

“You jest…” He said more as a statement than a question.

“I do.”  Answered Fenris, finally giving Cullen that half smirk that he had not realised he had been hoping for until that moment.

“Sweet Maker, there was a moment there where I thought you were serious!”

“That was the Idea.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The meal passed pleasantly enough and it was not long before they were talking as they used to. Relaxed and content simply to talk about nothing and everything. They shared a bottle of wine and then another. The sun set and the moon rose and still they sat on the balcony lost in their own little bubble of conversation. Their chairs were closer together now than they had been at the start of the night, their knees almost touching. Fenris had not realised how much he had missed simply sitting with Cullen, enjoying the man’s company and easy banter.

The evenings start had not seemed promising, with Cullen so very obviously affected by the Lyrium from his brandings. Fenris had become so used to Cullen never having been troubled by it that he simply did not think that parading himself before the Commander, his markings on full show, would even be an issue. He had failed to take into account that most of them were covered whenever he had been in the Commanders presence previously.

Of course Cullen had looked at Fenris like he had never seen anything so delicious before in his entire life and yet at the same time so frightening. One does not take an alcoholic to a Tavern and place a bottle of the finest Brandy before him and expect said alcoholic to be unaffected.

There had been a moment though; a fraction of a second when Fenris had dared to think that perhaps Cullen wanted something other than the lyrium in his skin. It had been a foolish thought and Fenris was annoyed with himself for even thinking it. There could never be anything more than there was right now. It was not enough, but it would have to suffice. He would not risk…this. If the option was this or nothing at all then the decision was clear.

“I think Inquisitor, it is time for me to go. It appears my back is protesting rather firmly at having been sitting in this chair for too long.”  Joked Cullen as he stood and stretched.

“Perhaps I will place the couch out here for your next visit? With any luck we will spare ourselves a back ache in the morning.”

Cullen laughed.

“Perhaps. “  He answered as Fenris stood and they both walked indoors.

“Cullen, I wished to ask you…” Fenris looked down and shuffled on his feet nervously.  Lifting his bare feet and looking at the soles as if checking for dirt.

“Whatever you need Fenris. You know you need but ask.”

“I would have you here every evening if you would be amenable to it.”

Cullen eyes went wide for a moment and he blushed enough that even in the candle light Fenris could see it.

_He is embarrassed? About having dinner with me every night? Why…_

“You.. ah.. would .. what?” asked Cullen rubbing the back of his neck.

“Food is much more enjoyable when it is consumed in good company I find. If you do not wish..”

“Dinner!” exclaimed Cullen in comprehension. “Here!  With you every evening. Yes!...I.. ah”

Cullen cleared his throat before continuing much more calmly.

“Yes. I would like that.” He smiled and Fenris was glad to note that the man seemed pleased at the idea.

Fenris eyes darted to the scar on the Commander’s lip and he fought the urge to lift his hand and trail his fingertips along it.

“Good night Inquisitor.”

 “Goodnight Commander.”

With that Cullen turned, climbed down the stairs and left the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter proved to be a bit of pain to write. I had originally wrote it yesterday but had to rewrite the whole thing again today. I'm still not 100% happy with it but I hope you enjoyed it never the less.  
> Weekends are busy for me so I doubt I will update now again until next week. So I hope you have a good weekend!  
> Thanks for reading as always!


	6. Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So many crazy people in Skyhold :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday Guys :D
> 
> First off sooooo many thanks and hugs for Mithrakana for proofreading this and suggestions. She is beyond awesome! I didn't think it was possible to have so much fun having someone proofread your writing but Mithy totally managed it :D 
> 
> Ok now that I am done Fangirling, Hope you like this chapter guys :D 
> 
> Translations at the bottom :D

It was still dark when Fenris made his way down to the training yard.  He expected to find it empty this early in the day and was disappointed to find he was wrong. Bull and the Chargers were running drills and by the looks of it they had been at it for a while.  Fenris sighed regretfully. He was about to leave and return to his  quarters when he heard Bull call out to him.

“Hey Boss!”

“Ugh.” Fenris grunted to himself. It was far too early in the day for social interactions and Fenris was not a morning person.

If the large Qunari heard the disgruntled noise, it did not seem to bother him in the slightest.  He walked up to the elf with a big grin on his face.  The Iron Bull was so contrary to what Fenris was used to seeing from the stoic followers of the Qun that he wondered how Bull had lasted  so long as a Ben Hassrath agent.

“Bull.” He said in greeting.

“Were you gonna train Boss?” The Qunari asked, still smiling happily. It was far too early to be in such good spirits. The Tal Vashoth was obviously insane.

“That is what one comes to a training yard for, is it not?” He asked without even trying to hide the sarcasm in his tone.

“Well, there’s other stuff that people come to the training yard for. Hansel there comes here just to watch. ” Bull smirked and inclined his head towards a young man sitting on the grass paying far too much attention to the Chargers’ drills.  “Do you like to watch?”

Fenris blinked.

“Do I what?...No, I do not _like_ to watch!”  Answered Fenris defensively.

Bull chuckled.

“That’s a shame. Well, we’re just about done here anyway’s so you can have the training yard all to yourself.” Bull turned and nodded to Krem.

“CHARGERS DISMISSED! HORNS UP!” shouted Krem.

“HORNS UP!” Shouted the rest of the Chargers in response and started shuffling away.

“Hey Boss, can I watch?” Asked Bull cheekily.

“What? No! You may not watch!”

_Is Bull flirting? There is something very wrong with this Qunari..._

“Ah well, you know where to find me if you change your mind or decide you want a sparring partner.  I bet sparring with you would be very...intense.” He added, the smirk never once leaving his lips. “See ya later Boss. Good luck getting rid of Hansel.”

_It is too early for this...._

Fenris turned towards the young man sitting on the grass and walked towards him. Hansel did not appear to be leaving any time soon. Fenris’ patience was thin after the conversation with Bull, so when he spoke his tone was perhaps a little brusquer than he intended.

“Leave. Now.”

Hansel didn’t need to be told twice. He was up and running away across the courtyard in less than 10 seconds.   Fenris didn’t feel even the slightest bit guilty for so very obviously scaring Hansel. He walked into the centre of the yard, unsheathed the sword from his back, and began his training routine.

\-------------------------------------

 It was late afternoon when Cullen arrived at the Tavern to find the others already sitting at the corner table that seemed to be eternally reserved for members of the Inner Circle. With most of the Soldiers down at the Barracks it was relatively quiet.  He sat on one of the empty chairs to wait for the others to arrive.

Cullen was not one for card games. However, having missed so many in the past, when Varric requested his attendance the Commander could not find it in him to refuse.. Cullen wondered where the dwarf was. The few times Cullen had attended, Varric was the first one here. Today, it seemed he was the last. No one else was missing. Josephine, The Iron Bull, Dorian, Cassandra, Blackwall and even Cole were here already.

“Commander.”  Cassandra greeted him as he sat down.

“Cassandra. Where is Varric?” He asked her.

“He said he had to retrieve something before we start. I believe he will be here soon.” She answered, taking a swig of her ale with a disgusted look.

“Ah.”

It was another ten minutes or so before the dwarf finally arrived and oh...Fenris was with him.  Cullen was still trying to come to terms with the confusing feelings he was having concerning the elf. Considering that he was going to Fenris’ quarters later for dinner, Cullen thought perhaps even more time spent together was not the smartest of choices.

“Varric, Fenris... I...ah... just remembered I have work I need to take care of.” He said, standing even before the elf and the dwarf were seated.

“Oh no you don’t Curly, sit down. No more excuses. You are playing today and that’s final. Sorry, Inquisitor’s Orders.”  

“It is?” asked Fenris, and Varric nodded. “It is.” Fenris repeated, a statement instead of a question this time.

“Ah...Well, we can’t disappoint the Inquisitor now can we.” Said Cullen resigned as he sat back down.

“Hey Boss.”

“Bull.”

There was something about how Bull was knowingly grinning at Fenris that didn’t sit right with Cullen. He wondered what about it irked him so.

“Free Marcher Rules?” asked Fenris.

“Hang on a second Broody. I think tonight calls for something a little more interesting. Wicked Grace everyone?”

“Oooh, I’m game.“ Exclaimed Dorian happily.

Cullen knew it had been a bad idea to accept Varric’s invitation. The evening progressed well enough at the start. Even Fenris appeared to be enjoying himself, and that was no small feat. The Elf never enjoyed large social gatherings, but as stories were told and alcohol consumed (in rather large quantities by Bull), even he seemed to relax.

It was on the third round of the game that Cullen ran out of money with which to bet with. The smart thing to do would have been to call it quits. But for some reason, tonight Cullen refused to let it go. It was Dorian that suggested to Cullen that he bet his armour, it was Cullen’s own choice to continue betting his clothes.

That was how he ended up sitting in the Tavern in only his smalls. His common sense told him he should fold. That would be the sensible thing to do, but his hand was too good.. There was no way anyone could best it. Well, there was one hand that could best it but it would be almost impossible that someone could be that lucky and he that unlucky.  In his years of playing he had only seen that hand once, and the templar he had been playing against was a cheat.

No, he HAD to win his garments back. He would not fold. It was between him and Josephine now, everyone else had folded.

“I’m in.” He said confidently.

“Curly are you sure that’s wise?”

“I said I’m in.” He repeated as he placed his cards face up on the table.  “Show your cards Lady Montilyet.”

“If you insist Commander.” She said smugly and placed her cards on the table face up as well.

“Ah...”

“Off with them Commander.” Said Dorian, and Maker, Cullen wanted to wipe that lurid smile off his face with his fist.

“Don’t say a word Dwarf.” He said as he removed his smalls and handed them over to Josephine, trying to keep his shame hidden under the table.

“I did try to warn you Curly.”

“Never bet against an Antivan, Commander.” Josephine said as she gathered his armour and her winnings and stood to leave.

“I’m leaving.” Cassandra said, standing up. “I do not want to witness the Commander’s walk of shame back to the barracks.”

“I do!” Dorian said, making himself comfortable on the chair.

“It comes off. I didn’t know it came off!” Cole exclaimed in shock.

One by one, as they all wordlessly stood to leave, Cullen held his head up proudly. If nothing else he was going to keep his pride.  If only barely...

Only Bull, Fenris and Dorian were left. Although Bull didn’t count at the moment due to being thoroughly passed out with his head on the table.

Cullen had done his very best not to look at Fenris the whole evening, especially once he had started losing his clothes. As he looked at the elf now, he realised...

_Maker is Fenris smirking? Andraste’s ass he is_.  

It was that smirk that made Cullen’s body react in odd ways. Of all the ill-timed moments the elf could give him that smirk...  The way he was looking at him made the Commander blush even more than he already was, and oh no...Yes, the Maker hated him. It was official.

“Ah...are...you...you know?” Cullen motioned with his head towards the door.

_Is he not going to leave before I do? I never expected Dorian to leave but...Wait is Fenris trying to get back at me for walking in on him last night?_

“I have not finished my wine.”  Fenris stated simply, adopting a relaxed pose not too different from Dorian’s.

If Cullen didn’t know any better, he would think that the elf was laying back and enjoying the show.

“Oh...I see. Well, I will see you later for dinner then?”  Asked Cullen in a vain attempt to delay the embarrassment that was sure to follow.

Fenris did not answer. He simply nodded leisurely whilst swirling the wine in his glass, his intense gaze never once leaving the Commander’s form.  Cullen felt the warmth on his cheeks and was certain he had never blushed so furiously in his entire life.

“I...shall...be going then...Right...now.”

With a sigh Cullen resigned himself to the inevitable. He stood, covering his inconveniently timed arousal with his hands as best he could, and ran out of the tavern, hearing Dorian’s cheer behind him.

\------------------------------------------------------

Fenris was not a religious man. In fact, he was not entirely sure he believed in the Maker at all. But the moment Cullen had stood to run out of the Tavern, he thanked both the Maker and his bride for the chance to see his Commander in all his glory.

Fenris couldn’t even find it in him to feel guilty for embarrassing the Commander further. It wasn’t like he was ever going to have the chance to see Cullen like that again. Perhaps it had been selfish of him to not leave as the others had had. Still, he was not sorry. He would cherish that perfect image and how it made him feel until his dying breath. The Commander was exquisite.

There was no possible way Fenris could leave the table yet. Dorian would undoubtedly notice his...interest. A flare of jealousy rose inside him as he realised that the Mage had also seen Cullen’s…assets.

“So...The Commander is it?” Asked Dorian knowingly.

“What?”

“You like him.” Said Dorian in a low voice.

“You have no idea what you are talking about, Mage.”  

Dorian smiled and leaned forward in his chair.

“Oh, you don’t _just_ like him do you?”

No. There was no way he was discussing his private life with this Mage. Fenris had moved on a lot since the early days when he escaped from his Master, but he hadn’t moved on enough for this.

“Do not push me, _Altus._ I will not deny that you have done a lot of good for the Inquisition. That is the only reason that you still possess your heart. Do not make the mistake of thinking we are friends… We will _never_ be friends.” spat Fenris, his words dripping with venom. As an afterthought he lit his markings briefly with the intention of intimidating the mage even further.

To his credit the Mage did not flinch, though Fenris was sure he could feel the fear radiating from him. Good. The Altus needed to understand that Fenris was not someone to be trifled with. Dorian may have gone against the Magesterium and forgone all that he was due as an Altus of house Pavus (which admittedly was no small thing, as Dorian could have risen as high as Archon with his bloodline), but whatever else he was, Dorian still represented everything Fenris loathed about Tevinter.

“Well.” Dorian cleared his throat as he stood. “I never expected to live very long in any case, and I do so love a challenge. Vitae benefaria, Inquisitor.”

Dorian smiled and walked away.

All things considered, Fenris was now convinced that everyone in the blasted Inquisition was indeed quite insane….and he was their leader.

_Venhedis!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tevene translations.   
> Vitae benefaria – A respectful goodbye


	7. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> learning is fun :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again so many Thankies and interwebs cookies to Mithrakana for proof reading this for me and her awesome suggestions.

Fenris sat at his desk once again regarding the substantial piles of paperwork. He had returned from the Tavern not long ago, bathed and changed into his evening garments. The loose fitting shirt he wore was especially irritating his markings today as the material shifted when he moved.

Cullen was late, but Fenris had expected nothing less. He assumed the Commander would take the less populated route back to his office when he ran out of the Tavern. The servants had already delivered their meals five minutes ago, and Fenris predictably acted the fool yet again. He would never get used to people serving him.

With a sigh he attempted to read the first letter on the page before him. Hawke had tried to teach him to read back in Kirkwall, but the man possessed as much patience as an untrained mabari pup. Hawke had given Fenris only one lesson, in which it became apparent that the arrangement was not going to work for either of them.

“Fenris?” Cullen called cautiously from the door at the bottom of the steps.

“I am here Cullen.” Fenris replied, not looking up from the page, still trying to make out what in the void the letters meant.

He heard Cullen’s footsteps as he climbed up the steps, and for a moment wondered why the footsteps sounded so subdued. Then he looked up. The Commander stood there wearing only breeches and what was very obviously a sleeping shirt.  He lifted an eyebrow at his friend inquisitively.

“Josephine refuses to return my armour to me and I didn’t have anything else that was clean.” Supplied Cullen sheepishly. “Someone also appears to have hidden all my shoes as well.”

He had not seen Cullen in anything other than his armour before. Well, he had seen him undressed of course. The thought made him smirk involuntarily. 

“It is a good look.” Fenris said as he lay back on the chair regarding Cullen.

“I…ah…Thank you.” Replied Cullen,rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Clearing his throat in an obvious attempt to change the subject, Cullen continued.

“Ah… I can help you with those if you like Fenris. In fact, would you allow me to instruct you in learning to read?” Cullen asked hopefully.

Fenris did not think he could stomach another failed attempt. It was bad enough that Hawke had lost his patience and declared the elf was unteachable. There was no way he would be willing to repeat the incident with Cullen.

“No.” He replied curtly and immediately regretted it when he saw Cullen’s hurt expression.

“As you wish. Shall we eat?”

“Cullen…” Fenris stood and walked towards the Commander. He stopped only a few inches from Cullen and at this proximity he could feel heat radiating from the other man’s body. “I imagine I appear ungrateful. If so, I apologise, for nothing could be further from the truth. It is not that I do not want to learn.”

“Then why?...”

Fenris looked up into Cullen’s amber eyes, resolved to explain why he was refusing Cullen’s offer.

“It is not the first time someone has offered to teach me to read. Hawke already attempted to instruct me in the past. He deemed my ability to learn….less than satisfactory. It is not a pleasant memory. I do not wish to recreate the experience with you in place of Hawke.”

Cullen lifted his hands and gripped Fenris’ biceps gently. Fenris had to supress a groan at the touch. Surprisingly, the groan was not because of his aversion to anyone touching his markings. No, the groan he almost let slip was from the pleasure that Cullen’s hands on his skin gave him.

“I am not Hawke.” Cullen said with such conviction that Fenris found he could not look away from his friend’s determined gaze. “And I refuse to believe that you cannot be taught. You forget I know Hawke as well. He is a good man but is self-indulged with little patience. If you let me, I would like to show you how wrong he was.”

It took ALL of Fenris’ self-control not close the gap between his and Cullen’s lips. Fenris’ gaze darted from the Commander’s eyes to his lips and back again. There was nothing that Fenris had ever wanted more. Before he knew what he was doing Fenris slowly began leaning forwards and he felt Cullen’s grip tighten around his arms. That was enough for common sense to reassert itself.

_Do not be a fool. He does not want you._

“Yes.” Answered Fenris in a rough whisper.

He could not deny Cullen anything when the man had asked him with such hope and conviction.

Cullen for his part did not appear unaffected. Fenris assumed it must be the lyrium that made it seem like the man was barely in control himself. Fenris was not expecting the mental image that came unbidden then as he visualised Cullen licking the markings on his neck.

Cullen’s breathing was a little laboured as he closed his eyes and lowered his head until it rested on Fenris’ forehead.

“I know it is hard for you to accept help. Thank you for trusting me.”  Cullen said in a whisper, his eyes still closed. Fenris’ hands gripped the others man’s waist instinctively. 

Surprisingly, Cullen did not move away. They stood like that for a few moments, their breathing seeming to get a little faster each second that passed.

_Perhaps?....No! It is the lyrium. Enough of this. I can’t…_

Fenris Cleared his throat, let go of Cullen’s waist, and gently took a step back. If he did not move away now he was not certain he could find the will later on. Cullen did not want him as Fenris wanted to have him. He had to remember that. Fenris would never forgive himself if he ruined this friendship because in a moment of weakness he tried to take more than Cullen was willing to give.

“Perhaps we should eat.” Fenris said a little breathlessly, turning to walk towards the balcony where their meal waited for them.

“All right.” Cullen followed Fenris out and sat down opposite the elf. “We can start after dinner if that is all right with you.”

“It is.”

The food was consumed quickly with little talk between them. Fenris very aware of Cullen and it appeared as the Commander was very aware of Fenris in return. There was tension between them and Fenris hoped that he had not unwittingly broken something that could not be mended. Whatever it was that happened earlier between them hung in the air like some unspoken secret.

Fenris was drawn out of his brooding by Cullen’s unexpected laugh.

“You actually did it?” Asked the Commander pointing to the far end of the balcony at the couch that now sat there instead of inside by the stairs.

“I did not wish you to injure your back.” Replied Fenris and he could feel the warmth creeping from his cheeks up to the tip of his ears.

It was both a curse and a blessing that Fenris’ tone of voice never alerted others to whether he was joking or serious.  When he had told the Commander that he would move the couch out onto the balcony, it was not in jest. Apparently the Commander had thought otherwise.

“You put it there for me?” Asked Cullen with a look that Fenris could not decipher.

“Ah…If you do not like…” Fenris said standing up hastily to go and move the couch back to its original position.

“Wait! Don’t…don’t move it please. Thank you. I just didn’t think you believed me when I said my back hurt yesterday. I didn’t expect…”Cullen stood. “Wait here.”

Fenris was left standing somewhat bewildered until Cullen returned with a book that he must have found in the bookshelf that served as nothing more than decoration in Fenris’ quarters.

“Would you sit with me?” Cullen asked Fenris.

Fenris nodded. They made their way to the couch and sat down side by side.  Truthfully Fenris felt somewhat awkward. He sat as far away from the Commander as possible in the hopes of not aggravating the situation further. Fenris had to admit he was out of his element here. Run head first into a battle with giant spiders and savage blood mages and he knew precisely what to do and when to cause the greatest chaos. He knew exactly _how_ to win. But this… He was useless here.

“When I was seven, I still couldn’t read and my brother teased me mercilessly.” Began Cullen. “Mother had tried to teach me, and so had my father, but try as they might I simply couldn’t remember the letters. We had an elven servant called Ellana who took it upon herself to instruct me after a particularly bad spout of bullying from my brother.

“Every night she would sit with me and read out loud. Whilst she did so, she held my hand and had me point to the words as she was reading them. It took a while, but after some time I began to recognise some words and letters, their shape and arrangement. It was enough so that when she started teaching me letters in earnest, I did not feel so lost and overwhelmed.” Cullen finished, looking at Fenris.

Fenris swallowed hard. He had heard stories of Cullen’s youth before, but this was different. There had been a vulnerability in the man’s voice as he recounted the memory that Fenris had never heard in him before. A warm feeling filled Fenris’ heart as he realised that this was a story the Commander probably never told anyone else.

“You would like to teach me in the same manner?”

“I would.”  Cullen smiled at him.

“All right.” Fenris could not stop himself from returning the smile.

They sat there for a few moments before Cullen chuckled.

“You have to get a bit closer to see the book, Fenris.” He said, still chuckling.

“Ah…” Fenris scooted up the couch and looked expectantly to the Commander.

Cullen looked at Fenris and hesitatingly moved even closer until their thighs pressed together.

_Fasta Vass. I am going to embarrass myself._

Cullen opened the book and placed it on their laps. One half of the book on Fenris’ lap and the other half on the Commander’s.

“Could you point to the first word for me please?” Asked Cullen and Fenris thanked the Maker his bride and the entire Elvhen Pantheon the book was large enough to at least partly cover his groin.

With a shaky breath he acquiesced and pointed to the first word on the page.  Cullen’s hand enveloped his, the Ex-Templar’s index finger sliding up the lyrium line that ran the length of the elf’s pointing finger. Cullen’s hands were so much larger than Fenris’s. Cullen had strong manly hands, whereas Fenris’ were long and graceful.  

Cullen started to read then. Truthfully at first, Fenris heard nothing of what the Commander was reading. All he could focus on was the feel of the man’s hand on his. The press of The Commander’s thigh against his own, the warmth of Cullen’s breath on his ear as he read. All the while he moved Fenris’ hand over the words as he read them occasionally rubbing the elf’s knuckles with his thumb unconsciously. It was late into the night when the tension finally began to dissipate and they started to relax against each other as exhaustion found them.

The last thing Fenris remembered before sleep finally took him was thinking he had never felt so safe in all his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am aware our boys are always getting a little bit excited but seriously... wouldn't you be? I know i would if I was a guy and had Fenny or Cullywully being their awesome sexy selves. /slap "down boy! now is not the time!"   
> Yep Yep, that would be me :D   
> Next chapter should be boner free :D.... ok maybe not actually, now that I think about, it but definitely the one after that... possibly. lol 
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL! Thankies for reading hope you enjoyed :)))


	8. Morning Suprises and Glorious dwarves.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! awkward....or is it? o.O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Mithrakana had quite a lot to edit on this chapter. So many thankies for her willingness to proofread this for me and her awesome suggestions! I will eventually get those comma's in the right place! On the plus side, I could not wish for a better teacher :D 
> 
> Also, yes I am aware i suck at naming the Chapters...but hey, it has to be more interesting than "Chapter Seven."

It was the brightness seeping through his eyelids that stirred Cullen from sleep. He did not want to wake up just yet. It had been too long since he experienced the fade free from the nightmares that hounded his slumber. He simply wasn’t prepared to let how good he was feeling end so soon.

Cullen pulled Fenris closer and nuzzled into the elf’s hair, moaning pleasurably when Fenris in turn pressed his hand palm down on Cullen’s stomach and caressed up along his ribs in response, lifting the Commander’s shirt as he did so. The incredible feeling made Cullen’s breath hitched and his body begin to stir. It felt so real, so unimaginably good, so….

Cullen opened his eyes.

_Oh Sweet Maker above…._

It was no dream. Blinking heavily, Cullen glanced down and saw a shock of white hair spread against his chest. Cullen quickly remembered the events of the night before. He had been reading to Fenris when the elf fell asleep. Cullen decided to stay a little longer whilst he pondered exactly what was happening between them. Apparently he had fallen asleep too. Somehow during the night, Cullen ended up flat on his back on the huge couch. Fenris, in turn, was on his side in the space between Cullen’s body and the backrest. It really was a huge couch, not far off from the size of a bed. The elf’s arm was casually draped across Cullen’s abdomen whilst his right leg was lifted and entwined with the Commander’s. 

_Shit he’s going to kill me._

Cullen noted that his own arm was wrapped around Fenris’ waist, pulling the elf closer. Cullen debated whether to wake Fenris or try to extricate himself without rousing the elf. All things considered (and since staying like this for eternity was not an option), perhaps it was safer to gently rouse the elf rather than risk surprising him midway through trying to sneak away. Cullen was not too keen on ending up with a crushed heart after all.

_Well, you’ve been in worse situations Rutherford. You can handle this._

Cullen gently shook Fenris.

“Inquisitor.” He whispered. Because if ever there was a time to maintain some sense of professionalism, it was now.

_By the Maker he smells so good…so much for professionalism…_

“Mmmmm.” Moaned Fenris, nuzzling his face against the Commander’s chest. Unexpectedly, the elf began gliding his hand down the Commander’s abdomen. Cullen’s eyes opened in shock when he realised where said hand was headed.  With a start, he placed his own hand over Fenris’ hand just in time, effectively stopping the elf from continuing any further.

“Maker Fenris. You need to wake up. I’m not strong enough for this…” Cullen said out of desperation.

Cullen felt the elf stiffen in his hold and slowly lift his head up to face the Commander.

_Oh thank the Maker, he’s awake. There was no way I would have been able to..._

_“_ I am on top of you.” Said Fenris in his unique tone of voice that betrayed no emotion.

 “Ah…Yes. I believe you are.”

“You are holding me.” Said Fenris once again in the same tone of voice.

“It would appear so.”

Cullen was not sure what was happening here. All he knew was that that Fenris was awake, looking at him with those beautifully expressive emerald eyes. Cullen was pretty adept by now at reading Fenris’ eyes. Right now, they were telling him that the elf was confused. But there was also hope there.

For as much as he had been trying to get away a few moments ago, Cullen found that right now he did not want to move at all. In fact he had not yet let go of either the elf’s waist or his hand.

“Broody! You out there? I can’t find Curly and….Andraste’s speckled butt cheeks!” Varric exclaimed as he stepped out onto the balcony.

Both Cullen and Fenris tried to stand in a panic, succeeding only rolling in off the couch on to the floor.

“Fasta Vass!” Fenris cursed as he rolled Cullen off him and stood.

“Curly?” Asked Varric, shock still clearly evident on his features.

“Would you believe me if I said no?” Asked Cullen, standing up as well.

At the very least, Cullen was thankful that the shock of having Varric walk in on them in such a compromising position had done a pretty good job of killing the early stages of interest his body had been displaying mere seconds ago.

Varric’s expression changed from shock to amusement almost instantly. The dwarf chuckled.

“Well, I guess that explains why Curly’s bed hasn’t been slept in.” He said with a grin.

“It is not what you think, dwarf.” Fenris stated vehemently.

“Ah…Fenris is right, Varric. We fell asleep on the couch after dinner last night and woke up not long before you walked in. This is an entirely innocent misunderstanding.”

“Oh I doubt it was _entirely_ innocent. But it’s none of my business what the Inquisitor and his Commander get up to behind closed doors. “ Varric teased, still grinning.

“Dwarf….” Fenris cautioned. The elf was in full on intimidation mode.

“Yeah, yeah you will crush my heart and it will be very painful. I get it Broody.“ Varric waved his hand dismissively. “Your armour’s back in your room, Curly. Ruffle’s gonna need its value in gold on her desk by the end of the day.”

“Oh. That’s good. Do you, err… by any chance know if she took my shoes as well?”

“Nope sorry. Been a lot of things going missing around here lately though. Kinda easy for thieves to get away with it now that Red’s not here.”  Varric replied with a shrug.

“All right then. Um…” Cullen rubbed his neck nervously. “I will see you later then?” he asked Fenris, unsure of how to proceed at this point.

“Indeed.” Fenris replied in a much more composed manner than Cullen.

_How does he do that?_

“Inquisitor.” Cullen said. He bowed curtly, attempting (unsuccessfully) to act professional. Although in the current setting, it was far more comical than anything else.

_I. Am. an idiot._

“Commander.” Nodded Fenris in return.

“Come on Curly, I’ll walk you out.” Varric chuckled, turning to leave.

\-----------------------------------

“I can’t believe I missed it!”

“It’s your own fault for consuming that filth that you call ale in such quantities Bull. You’ll get no pity from me.” Dorian said, picking at his breakfast disgustedly with a fork.  “Honestly, one would think the Inquisition could afford better fare for its hardworking people. A noble from Orlais visits and the kitchen staff practically fall over themselves to prepare only the best, but ask the cook if he could possibly attempt to not burn the eggs this morning and he screams at you for being ungrateful. _Oh no, how dare you insult my cooking you evil Tevinter Mage? I am the epitome in fine cuisine preparation. You will eat what I make and you will like it._ Bah!”

“Tastes just fine to me Vint. _Maybe_ if you didn’t act like you had a stick up your ass when you talk to the kitchen staff, they would be more helpful.” Bull shrugged.

“Excuse me, Qunari! _I_ am an _Altus_.” Dorian exclaimed. “I cannot help being magnificently superior. It’s in the genes, you know.”

“See right there.  That’s your problem. You’re not an Altus any more than I’m Ben Hassrath. Time to move on Vint.” Bull looked at Dorian’s plate. “Hey, you gonna eat that?”

“Ugh, just take it.” Dorian pushed his plate towards Bull.

“Sweet!”

Dorian lay back on his chair and glanced up at the main hall. It was still early, and most of the nobles hadn’t made their way down for breakfast yet, but there were still a scattering of them around the hall. The tables were already prepared, bowls of fruit and a mix of cheeses arranged attractively along the length of them. The door at the end of the main hall opened and Fenris emerged.

“Speaking about having sticks up ones delectably muscled backside. It appears the Inquisitor has decided to grace the small folk with his presence at last.” Commented Dorian light-heartedly.

Bull lifted his head from the plate to look at Fenris.

“The Boss is a good guy. Just needs to get laid. Well, he’s got some deep shit and issues that no amount of sex is gonna fix. But a good lay would definitely help.” Bull grinned.

“Oh? And I suppose you’re just the Qunari to do it?” asked Dorian, raising an eyebrow.

Bull shrugged.

“I don’t see anyone else with balls enough to try. It’s sad really. Everyone’s shit scared of him but there’s more bark than bite there. He’s practically yelling for someone to show him some affection.”

“Is that the Ben Hassrath training at work? Or did you simply wake up on the philosophical side of the bed this morning?” Asked Dorian.

Dorian glanced at Fenris. The elf was now picking up an apple from one of the many bowls of fruit. Dorian noticed a pair of Orlesian nobles not far from the ex-slave, speaking in hushed tones and looking at the elf with disgust. Fenris, for his part, appeared unaware of their gossiping. Dorian was not fooled. Despite the elf’s dismissive manner, Dorian was certain Fenris heard them.

_Well, being a pariah and having idiots gossip about you is something I know a little about._

“Nah, that’s just me using my eye, Vint.”  Bull said standing with a grin.

“I should probably warn you, I believe our Inquisitor has his sights set on someone else.”

“Yeah I know. Doesn’t matter. Like I said, I don’t see anyone else with the balls enough to try.” Bull winked (closed his eye), as he walked in Fenris’ direction.

Dorian could swear he heard the elf’s muttered curse when he saw the massive Qunari approach him and the mage chuckled.

Still, Bull did have a point. Dorian had not been lying last night at the Tavern when he said he loved a challenge. It was no secret the elf intimidated him. There was no shame in that. Fenris intimidated almost the entire population of Skyhold.

Dorian was no fool; he knew attempting to make friends with the elf carried some risks.  But Bull was right. Despite appearances, the gossiping bothered Fenris. Perhaps Fenris was not aware of it yet, but the ex-slave wanted to be accepted.

If there was anyone in Skyhold that understood how that felt, it was Dorian. They had more in common than the elf might think. Whereas Dorian masked his pain with jokes and sass, Fenris masked it by keeping everyone at a distance. After all, if one is not allowed in they cannot hurt you. Maybe it was time test the limits of the elf’s patience and see how far Dorian could push the protective prickly exterior. If he was fortunate, Dorian might actually survive this.

_Fasta Vass, I am a fool…But I suppose I am at least a handsome fool. Off to work we go then. Chop, chop...things to do and murderous elves to annoy, after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes...well, I did say there would be boner's in this chapter. Because boner's are fun. I am debating whether to change the title of this to "The Lion's, The Wolf and Their Boners." ... no, not really. although, kinda has a nice ring to it ;) .... lmao 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!!


	9. Everyone Lies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /facepalm Oh Jim

“Fen’Harel. It is good to see you returned to us.” Zath’ael said, embracing his friend and bringing their foreheads together as was their custom. Then turning to Jessica he added, “It is good to see Jessica in good health as well. Valylanna will be pleased.”

“Thank you, old friend. It is good to be home. Are our rooms prepared? It has been a long journey and we are tired.” Solas said warmly.

 “They are, but before you retire for the evening there is a matter we need to discuss. We have…guests.”

That caught Solas’ attention and he raised an eyebrow.

“What manner of guests?” Solas asked curiously.

There were few still living that knew the location of the temple. That Zath’ael did not seem alarmed boded well. Yet Solas would be lying to himself if he did not admit he was somewhat worried.

“Abelas arrived yesterday with a small contingent of sentinels. There are perhaps twenty, all accounted for.”

Solas relaxed.

“Ah yes. I encountered Abelas in Mythal’s Temple with the previous Inquisitor. I had hoped he understood my intent when we spoke. I am pleased he heeded my invitation.” Solas smiled with satisfaction.

“About Fenris.” Zath’ael continued. ”He is well?”

“As well as can be expected. He appears to be adjusting to my power with extraordinary ease, but it will still be some time until he reaches his full potential.  I am confident however, that he will do what is needed when the time comes. We are fortunate that Fenris has a remarkably resilient spirit.” Solas explained with no small degree of respect in his tone.

Jessica had been quiet so far. She was visibly  exhausted by the journey ,unaccustomed to travelling on horseback for prolonged periods of time. At hearing Fenris’ name, however, she perked up.

“What do you mean _he will do what is needed_?” She asked, concerned.

“Do not fret Vhenan. Fenris is in no danger.”

“That’s not what I asked, Solas. “

“No, it is not. But now is not the time to discuss this. We should  go to our rooms and rest and discuss this in the morning.” He said, kissing the top of her head.

“Fine. But you _will_ tell me.” She conceded.

“Of course, Ma Lath. Come.”

Solas placed his hand on the small of her back and gently directed her towards their quarters. Any other matters would keep for the moment. The journey had indeed been a long, if uneventful one. He was weary and wished nothing more than to bathe away the dirt days on the road had accrued on his body and lay in bed beside his mate.  

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fenris stood outside Cullen’s office door debating whether he should enter or not. The incident that morning confused him. Fenris was sure he’d been dreaming when he slid his hand down Cullen’s stomach. However, when the Commander spoke and covered Fenris’ hand stopping the elf’s intent, Fenris realised it was no dream. The appearance of Varric right at that moment complicated matters even further.

So far, it had been a trying morning. After he left his quarters, Bull had approached him and asked Fenris if he’d thought anymore about a sparring partner.  At one point Fenris had thought the Qunari was going to touch him, but thankfully (and he never thought he would ever admit this) the Altus had arrived and informed Bull that Krem required his assistance urgently.

Once again Fenris could not help but think there was something very wrong with the Qunari. Perhaps now that he was Tal Vashoth, Bull needed an outlet for the aggression? Fenris was certain there were few within the Inquisition that could offer Bull a real challenge. Perhaps that explained Bull’s insistence on sparring with Fenris?

_Enough stalling._

Fenris sighed and opened the door, hoping that the Commander would at least give him a chance to explain.  Fenris still had no idea what he was going to say. He hoped the incident would not affect their friendship, or the Commander’s visits to Fenris’ quarters for dinner every night.

The Commander was sitting at his desk speaking with one of the recruits.

“No, that is out of the question. We cannot spare any of our troops to traipse around the Hinterlands and look for a goat called...Is this a joke? Lord Woolsey?” Cullen looked at the report the recruit had just handed him. “These people are mad.” He finished incredulously.

The door closing behind Fenris caused Cullen to look up.

“Ah...I..Inquisitor.” He stammered standing up quickly.

“You are busy. I will come back later.” Fenris stated, turning to leave.

“No!...That is, there is no need. We are done here.” Turning towards the recruit Cullen continued, switching almost seamlessly into his _Commander Voice_. “I will reply to this. You are dismissed recruit, go see to your duties.”

The recruit did not move.

“Now!”

The young man saluted and quickly left the room, closing the door behind him. Cullen sat back down in the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger.

“Recruit Jim is a good man, but Maker, does he try my patience.” Cullen said.

“Lord Woolsey?” Asked Fenris raising an eyebrow.

Cullen chuckled.

“Please, don’t remind me. Some of the requests we receive...”  Cullen shook his head in disbelief.

Fenris smiled. It amused him to think that people requested such ridiculous things of the Inquisition and even more so, that Cullen had to respond to them. Remembering why he had come to see Cullen in the first place, his smile faltered.

“Cullen. I..This morning...It was...” Fenris fumbled for the words.

Cullen regarded Fenris, his expression unreadable.

“Venhedis! I do not know how to say this.” Fenris said, annoyed and shuffling uncomfortably on his feet. He sighed and looked up at the Commander, his tone serious. “Your friendship is important to me.”

_Please. Do not leave me._

“It’s important to me too.” Cullen said, and his voice sounded strained. “What are you trying to tell me, Fenris?”

Fenris looked down at his bare feet. He did not enjoy feeling this vulnerable. Still, he would do anything to not to lose Cullen _._ Fenris didn’t realise until this moment, how much he _needed_ his Commander. He sighed and continued. He had to fix this.

“I am attempting to apologise. My actions this morning were...inexcusable. I could not bear to think our friendship was damaged because of them. It did not mean...”

\-------------------------------------------------

Cullen felt the sting of the words sharper than he should have. He had been expecting...he didn’t know what he was expecting, but it was not this.  

Of course Fenris didn’t have a clue what he was doing, the elf had been asleep. Probably in the midst of some wonderfully erotic dream about someone that looked like that Pirate Captain Hawke used to run around with in Kirkwall. Isabella, was it?

Cullen knew the elf had not been consciously aware that it was Cullen that he held so tightly on to. Had not been aware that it was Cullen’s abdomen the elf caressed. Cullen knew all this the moment he woke up and assessed the situation. Still, why did hearing it confirmed out loud hurt so much? What was it that Cullen even wanted Fenris to say?

_It did not mean....what? Anything?....No, of course it didn’t mean anything. It was nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing will ever happen. He is my Inquisitor, I am his Commander. We are friends outside of that and that is all. Fenris would never want me in any other way...Wait, what did I just think? Maker I am in trouble. Enough of this._

There was no need to hear any more.  Cullen stood, interrupting what Fenris was struggling to say.

“Fenris, look. I seem to recall we were both in somewhat compromising positions. We were _asleep._ No doubt you were having similar dreams to me.” Cullen lied. He seriously doubted the dreams were anything like his own. “Neither of us knew what we were doing. This changes nothing between us. I am your friend, and you are mine. That is all. You do not need to apologise. Nothing happened.”

Fenris seemed to relax at Cullen’s words. However, Cullen seemed to detect something else in the elf’s eyes. Was it disappointment? Perhaps?...No, That was probably Cullen reading more into this than there was...again.

_Will I never learn? He values our friendship. Nothing more. I said, enough of this._

Cullen forced a smile that he simply wasn’t feeling at moment.

“I was about to make my to the War room for the daily meeting. Shall we walk together?” He asked.

“Lead the way Commander.” Fenris smiled back.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“There are rifts opening up here.” Cassandra pointed at the map in the middle of the Table. “And here. The Commander has sent a small contingent of soldiers to keep the demons under control, but I believe it is time that the Inquisitor closes them for good.”

“He is not yet fully recovered Cassandra. We cannot risk him being injured.” Cullen argued.

“That is what you said the last time, Cullen. Look at him. He is recovered enough for this. The masses wonder why we sit atop our fortress in the mountains and do nothing whilst the farmers and their cattle suffer the brunt of the attacks. It has been a month. We must act now. Why do you still..”

“Enough!” Fenris said forcefully. “I will go.”

Cullen sighed.

“Then I will go with you.”

“Commander, you cannot simply...” Josephine started saying but was cut off quickly by Cullen.

“I am not saying that I will always accompany him on missions. But this will be his first time out on the field as the Inquisitor. I am the Commander of the Inquisition. I should be present. Unless he orders me himself to stay behind, I am going.” Cullen looked expectantly at Fenris. 

“If the Commander wishes to go I will not stop him.” Fenris said stoically.

It was selfish, Fenris knew that. The Commander’s place was here in Skyhold with the troops. Fenris was more than capable of this mission. He had fought countless demons and slavers on his own before without trouble. (Except for that one time with Jessica in the mountains, but that he was not about to be caught off guard like that again.) Still, he could not deny Cullen this.

“I will stay and take over Cullen’s duties whilst he is gone. I would suggest you take Cole and Dorian with you, Inquisitor. They have both proven to be valuable on the field.” Cassandra said.

_By the void, I am taking an abomination and an Altus..._

“No. I will take Varric and the Tal Vashoth.”

“Under other circumstances I would not object,” Cassandra interjected. “But we are still without a Spy Master and the Inquisition is suffering because of it.  Bull and Varric are the best suited to fill the position until a replacement is found. “

“You do not need both.” Fenris insisted. “The Qunari will stay. I will take Varric.”

“Actually, if either of them is to stay it should be Varric,” Cullen said. “Bull by far has the most experience that is true, but Varric is the one with the contacts and existing network of spies.”

Fenris could already feel his patience wearing thin.

“Inquisitor, if I may interject.” Josephine asked diplomatically. “I understand your reluctance to take Cole. However, he has proved himself loyal to the Inquisition many times over.  It would be a disservice to the Inquisition to dismiss him so readily. Cole’s unique abilities would prove valuable on this mission.”

Fenris did not have the will to argue any longer.

“You are wrong. “ He said curtly. “But I will do as you advise.”

“Very well.” Josephine smiled, happy enough that Fenris was at least heeding their counsel. “I will make the necessary preparations for your departure tomorrow and inform Bull and Cole. I believe that was everything up for discussion today.” She finished, perusing her notes.  “Unless there is anything else you wish to discuss, Inquisitor?”

“No.” Fenris replied, turning and exiting the War Room without another word.

He may acquiesce to their advice, but it simply wasn’t in him to pretend he was happy about it.

As he was walking down the Corridor, Cullen caught up with him.

“Fenris, about dinner...”

Fenris’ stomach felt as if a weight had been dropped on it. Cullen was going to refuse joining him for dinner after all. The speech the Commander had given him about nothing changing between them had been a lie.  He should not be surprised. Everyone lies sooner or later.

“You do not wish to attend.” Fenris said facing the Commander, a statement not a question.

“Maker, why would you think that? “ Cullen asked confused. “I enjoy your company Fenris. I simply wanted to let you know that I would be later than usual as I need to prepare for tomorrow’s journey. That is...” Cullen rubbed his neck nervously, visibly uneasy. “Unless...you don’t want me to. I...I would understand...You are very busy and...”

_Fasta Vass! Will I ever stop acting the fool?_

“I will always want you to.”

The smile Cullen gave Fenris at those words made the elf blush. The Commander’s face lit up when he smiled. 

“Good.”Cullen said, looking more confident now. “I will be over later then.”

“I look forward to it.” Fenris replied, unable to stop the half smile that formed on his lips.

_Cullen did not lie..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!! 
> 
> Ok guys thats probably it for this week. Weekends are hectic for me usually.
> 
> Have a good weekend and see you all next week!


	10. Making it wierd.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /pat pat. It's ok Cole, you meant well.

Dinner the previous evening began a little awkwardly, but Fenris had expected that. They spoke mostly about their impending mission and other Inquisition matters. When they were done eating, they sat down on the couch and resumed with Fenris’ reading lesson. Both pointedly sat as far away as the task would allow, but Cullen still held Fenris’ hand over the words on the page as the Commander read them. The tension was still there. Fenris suspected it was due mostly to the Commander’s proximity to the lyrium in the elf’s skin. The awkwardness was, of course, attributed to the previous morning’s incident.

There was no doubt in Fenris’ mind that it would take a long while for things to return to normal between them.  Fenris was reloved to  endure it for as long as was necessary. He was simply content to have his Commander near him still.

The group had been travelling most of the day and had just left the mountain path into the Hinterlands. Fenris noted the sun was low on the horizon and would soon set entirely. The heat, however, would not leave them so readily. It was sure to be a scorching night.

The Company was led by Fenris, followed closely by Cullen, Bull and Cole. Surprisingly, the abomination had not said much since they had left Skyhold. The Qunari however, had not stopped talking. It was after the first hour of travel that Fenris had stopped paying attention to the Qunari’s incessant prattle, responding only with vague grunts of acknowledgment.  He was beginning to regret not bringing the Altus instead.

“We could make camp here?” Cullen asked.  The Commander had spent most of the Journey quiet for some reason.  Fenris understood, sometimes one simply did not feel like making small talk.

Fenris nodded his approval and they dismounted.

“I will gather wood for the fire.” Fenris said, hoping for some solitary time.  It had been a long time since the elf had travelled with companions. Aside from Cullen’s comfortable (if silent) presence, Fenris found he’d forgotten how difficult it was to endure long periods of time with people. 

“I’ll go with you, Boss. Some freaky shit in those woods. You might need back up.” Bull said, far too enthusiastically for Fenris’ liking.

Cullen was tying up the horses to a nearby tree. The Commander seemed...annoyed? Fenris noted how Cullen clenched his teeth as he tethered the horse’s reigns  with much more force than  necessary.

_Perhaps it is due to a bad lyrium craving._

“There is nothing in the woods I am unable to deal with myself.” Fenris stated coolly.

“Yeah, maybe. But it’s better to be safe than sorry.” Bull insisted, placing a much too large hand on Fenris’ shoulder.

The elf stiffened at contact. Fenris absolutely did not appreciate being touched in any way, shape or form. For the sake of peace however, he kept his silence. Cullen appeared tense enough as it was, and Fenris did not want to make his friend even tenser. He could not stop the low growl of disapproval as he took a step forwards to break the contact. 

“Hot, burning. Like a fire deep in my gut... He is not his to touch. How dare he?” Said Cole in a low, far away voice. Then suddenly, as if realising it was he that spoke, looked wide eyed at Fenris and added.  “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! You don’t like it when I talk.  You think I’m like Anders, but I’m not. I’m Cole. I won’t  trick you and take him away. I want to help.” In a voice so low Fenris could barely make out the words, Cole finished.  “It wouldn’t matter. He is not the same. He wouldn’t leave you.”

All of them fell silent. Fenris could feel the anger rising up inside him replacing the hurt and fear that he felt a second ago. He had known of course that the abomination had the ability to read people. He expected something like this to happen eventually, but he had not expected for the reading to be so specific...or public.

The first part of what the abomination said was a bit off, but perhaps that was because Cole was more human. Jessica had explained it during the first week back at Skyhold.  

Bull coughed uneasily. Cullen appeared to be mortified.

“Hey, kid. You’re making it _weird_.” Bull said to Cole.

“Oh. I am sorry, The Iron Bull.” Cole said dejectedly.

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” Bull walked up to Cole, took of the boy’s too large hat, and ruffled his hair. “Just try to keep it inside your head and we’ll be fine.” Bull smiled kindly.

_I...can’t..._

Fenris walked away into the woods. Alone, with only his thoughts for company. He was pleased to note that no one followed him.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

_Fuck. He’s not supposed to pick up on what I’m thinking so clearly anymore. Maker, If Fenris figures out that Cole was reading me at the beginning..._

Cullen did not want to think of what that would mean. They had only just mended the disaster that was yesterday morning.

_I should have supported Fenris in leaving Cole behind..._

“I’m sorry, Cullen. I will try to keep it in my head. But you were so loud.”

Bull had started on setting up the tents whilst Cullen and Cole started unpacking the horses.

Cullen didn’t reply. What could he say? He knew Cole could not help what he was. Cole was not at fault, it was the spirit’s nature after all to want to help.

Bull finished with the tents and started gathering rocks to serve as the border for the campfire.

“The Boss sure is taking a long time. Maybe I should check on him.”

“No, you won’t. The Inquisitor doesn’t need your lewd advances right now.” Cullen snapped. “Or ever, for that matter.” He finished saying under his breath.

“ _Someone_ doesn’t like anyone else playing with his little wolf huh?” Bull grinned.

Cullen was fuming. He had always liked Bull, respected him in fact, but this was out of order.  Cullen stormed right up into Bull’s face.  Bull was near enough seven feet tall. Cullen was at least a foot shorter than him, but it did not make a difference as he glared at the Qunari.

“How _dare_ you? Don’t you EVER call him _my_ little wolf again. Do you know who called him his little wolf? Do you even realise what you just said?” Cullen said forcefully. He didn’t care if Bull hadn’t meant anything offensive by the statement. Using the words _his little wolf,_ in that context, held implications that set the Commander’s blood on boil.

“On your knees my little wolf, you know what to do. Such a good boy, so well behaved.” Cole’s voice changed as he continued. “Flash of pain as he grips my hair, tears threatening to escape... Stomach churning. I am going to be sick but I can’t...It will be over soon.” Cole hung his head low. With sadness in his voice, he finished. “It wasn’t.”

_Oh Fenris..._

“Shit...” Bull said, a shade lighter grey than usual.

Cullen felt a multitude of emotions at once. Disgust, anger, sadness, pain...

Without a word, he turned away and stormed into the woods. He didn’t even think to take his sword, such was the emotional turmoil he was in.  In the distance he could hear Cole speaking.

“You’re doing it wrong, The Iron Bull. You’re not an asshole, you didn’t know. Cullen isn’t _really_ angry at _you_...”

Cullen walked deeper into the woods; trees enclosed him on all sides. The sun was almost set. Soon he would not be able to see in the dark. Worried, not for his safety but for his friend, he continued walking on.

“Fenris!” He yelled. “Where are you?”

There was no answer except for the sounds of the forest.

For over half an hour he walked. He walked until the darkness of night was truly upon him and he could continue no more. Cullen could barely make out the tree in front of him, let alone the path back to camp. He was well and truly lost. 

“Fenris!”  He yelled in vain, voice slightly panicked. 

Cullen had never been fond of the dark. Too many nightmares and things that go bump in the night for his liking. In a place like Skyhold, it wasn’t too bad. There were always people nearby, the sounds of life and civilisation, even in the dead of night, calmed him. Here though...In the forest with its unfamiliar sounds and eerie atmosphere, Cullen could feel his heart beating faster as the panic began to set in.

His breath coming faster now, Cullen cursed himself for not having brought his sword when he left camp. By no means was he defenceless unarmed(his Templar abilities still worked even without the lyrium), but a sword would almost guarantee his survival should he be attacked.

Feeling the panic rising still, Cullen did the only thing he knew would calm his nerves. He prayed. He needed to be calm if he was going to find a way out of this.

“Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker’s light and nothing that he has wrought shall be lost...” His heart rate slowed a little. “Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the light, I shall...”

Cullen heard a twig snap and sharply turned in the sounds direction. He found himself face to face with a pair of green, glowing eyes surrounded by darkness. He reacted on instinct. His Templar training asserting itself in full force. With little to no thought, his body reacted soley on muscle memory as he smote the figure in front of him.

In the brightness of the smite Cullen realised too late who it was that stood before him, as the force sent Fenris crashing back into a nearby tree.

“Ugh!”

“Fuck! Fenris I’m so sorry I didn’t realise it was you. Maker, are you all right?” Said Cullen as he ran to his friend’s side and knelt on the ground.

Fenris sat up looking a little bit disorientated but otherwise unhurt.

“Fasta Vass!” declared the elf. “You smote me!”

“I didn’t know it was you! Maker, Fenris! Did you know your eyes glow!?”

“Of course they glow! I am an elf!”

“Oh. I...ah... forgot.”

“You forgot that I am an elf?” Fenris asked in disbelief.

“No, it’s just that ....” Cullen started to laugh. He could not stop, the relief at being found, at Fenris being unharmed...

“You are a strange man, Cullen Rutherford...” Fenris said shaking his head with amusement in his voice.

Helping Fenris to stand, Cullen chuckled.

“I cannot deny that.  Do you know the way back to camp?”

“Better than you, Commander.” Fenris smirked.

_Of course my eyes would have to adjust to the darkness now...Maker, that smirk will be the death of me._

They walked back to camp in companionable silence, neither of them wanting to disturb the forest in its rest. When they got there the campfire was burning happily in the centre of the camp.

“This is our tent. The Qunari and the abomination have already retired for the night. If you are hungry, there are provisions in the packs.” Fenris said when they arrived.

“Ah...thank you. I’m not hungry.  I ate enough when we stopped last.” Cullen rubbed his neck nervously. “We are sharing a tent?”

“I will not sleep with an abomination at my back. “ Fenris said, his expressive eyes reflecting the mistrust for the spirit.

“No, I didn’t think you would, but I thought perhaps you would choose to share with Bull after...”Cullen faltered, he did not want to voice his suspicions that Fenris might take the Qunari up on his offer.

“Ah. I apologise, I did not think. I will sleep out here by the fire. You may take the tent.” Fenris said, turning towards campfire.

“What?”  Cullen asked confused.

_Oh he thinks I don’t want to because of yesterday..._

_“_ No! Fenris, that’s not what I meant. I was referring to all the...ah...advances Bull has been making towards you... I thought perhaps you might want to take him up on his ... ah... offer.” Cullen said awkwardly.

_Maker, that should not have hurt as much as it did to say..._

Fenris looked at his friend in confusion.

“I am uncertain to what...” Fenris expression changed to shock. “He?...”

“Yes.”

“With me?”

“Yes...”

Cullen was still tentative. Fenris might not have realised Bull was coming on to him before, but he certainly did now. If anything happened between the elf and the Qunari it would be Cullen’s fault for pointing it out.

“I am going to bed.” Fenris replied turning and entering the tent.

_He didn’t say he didn’t want to..._

Cullen felt like he had been punched in the stomach. With a sigh he followed his friend into the tent. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter guys :) Little bit darker than I normally do but it just happened ;P
> 
> Thanks for reading :D


	11. Monsters and Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull, I may have to hurt you for this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so long. I don't know how it happened, it just sorta did lol   
> Starts off a little dark but trust me, you wanna read to the end. Its the beginnings of ... something at least :D   
> I swear Six! it wont be long now. ;P lol

_‘No one will ever want you except me, my little wolf. You are hideous to everyone’s eyes but mine._ _They both fear and are disgusted by your markings. It is no matter, you are beautiful to me and that is what counts isn’t it? You exist only to please me and keep me safe. Never forget that.’_

He could still hear Danarius’ voice in his head.

It was years since Fenris had crushed the Magister’s heart in his fist and yet the elf still remembered every cadence of the man’s speech. He could still recall how worthless he’d felt at that moment, standing before his master collared like a dog…. He could not forget how grateful he’d been that he had a Master who did not look on him with fear and revulsion.

The elf shuddered, tasting bile in his throat at the memory.

Fenris loathed what he used to be. Hated, that he once thought to be proud that his Master needed him. Of course, Fenris knew better now. No one, not even Danarius ever truly desired him. How could they? He was a monster. An unpredictable weapon forged through blood magic and lyrium. He even disgusted himself.

That’s why when Cullen suggested that Bull desired him, Fenris was totally unable to deal with the information. Yes, Isabella had shown interest once or twice but that was Isabella. She absolutely did not count.  He was certain the woman would bed a Giant if the opportunity presented itself.

There was no way the Qunari simply wanted him because he was attracted to him. The very idea was laughable. What did Bull want from him?  Danarius feigned interest in the elf to keep Fenris subservient and docile. Is that what Bull was trying to do? Control Fenris in some way? It was a possibility but he doubted it.

Perhaps the Qunari was just like Isabella.  So impossibly sex crazed that he felt the need to bed anything that moved. Or perhaps Bull had some fetish for dangerous and hideous creatures. It would make more sense. Fenris knew that the markings marring his entire body both intimidated and disgusted people. He only had to listen to the whispers in the main hall at Skyhold whenever he walked through it to be convinced.

_Monster, barbarian, savage...abomination._

The Tevinter elf sighed. It was not important in any event. Fenris respected the Qunari, but he did not want to sleep with him. There were only two people Fenris had ever truly wanted. Hawke, who had predictably chosen Anders, and Cullen.

Fenris was interrupted from his brooding by Cullen’s strong and certain voice.

“I believe we are almost at the Crossroads. There should be a path just ahead.”

_There is no point dwelling on things that you already know. Enough of these inane thoughts…_  

Almost as soon as they entered the small village, the inhabitants began unabashedly pointing and staring at Fenris and his companions as they made their way towards the healer’s shack. The first rift they would tackle wasn’t too far away and they needed healing potions for the upcoming battle.

 “She’s right up there, Boss.” Bull said, pointing at the rundown shack before them.  “I’ll stay with the horses. Don’t think she likes me much. Pretty sure it’s the horns.”

Fenris nodded but pointedly did not look at the towering Qunari.

He climbed the stairs and entered the shack, ignoring the murmur’s and glares of the town’s folk.  The healer drove a hard bargain and in the end Fenris had to trade twenty elfroot leaves and four black lotus buds in exchange for twelve healing potions. Still, it was not unfair and he was satisfied with the result. Once the exchange was complete, he thanked her and gathered his team, promptly leaving the crossroads to face the first rift.  

Fenris knew they were close when his markings began to pull and glow. It was uncomfortable, and not something he’d ever felt before. The discomfort must have shown on his face as Cullen rode up to him, looking concerned.

“Fenris, are you all right? Is the rift causing you pain?”

“It is...disconcerting, but no. It does not hurt. Do not worry yourself, Cullen. I am well.” Fenris attempted to assure the Commander.

“His song is louder, brighter. I wish you could hear, it’s beautiful.” Cole said, in awe.

“Yeah, okay kid.” Bull dismissed. “Boss, maybe we should dismount here and go on foot? I tackled enough of these things to know that the demons aren’t always smack down under the big green rip in the sky.”

“As you wish.” Fenris replied, dismounting as he answered.

The men did not have to walk much farther before they came upon the rift. With a battle cry, Fenris unsheathed his sword and ran towards the first demon. The Battle was chaotic. Cole shifted into a green mist as he appeared next to a fear demon and killed it with a swift swipe of his blades. Fenris was astonished momentarily by the efficiency with which the abomination dispatched the demon. Josephine was not wrong, Cole was indeed lethal.

As the battle raged on, Fenris caught sight of Bull charging into three demons at once. The Qunari was just as deadly as the abomination, if a little overstated in his approach.

Then there was Cullen…

Fenris had seen Cullen fight before in the final confrontation with Meredith in Kirkwall. The Ex Templar had been a sight to behold even then, but now… he was breath-taking. The Commander looked every bit the ‘Lion of Ferelden’ as the soldiers in Skyhold had aptly named him. Cullen was easily identifiable on the battlefield, standing tall and proud as he taunted demons away from Fenris with an almighty roar. The Commander’s lion helm shone brilliantly as it reflected in the noon day sun.

_Kaffas, he’s glorious..._

Fenris could feel the sweat drip down the back of his neck as he cleaved yet another demon in half. There wasn’t a second to spare before another two took its place. As Fenris fought on, he watched his companion’s out of the corner of his eye. Regardless of their lack of ranged support they worked together better than he ever expected they would.

Bull finished off the last remaining demon as he bellowed something in Qunlat that Fenris wished he had not understood.

“Close it now!” Cullen yelled, and Fenris realised with sobering clarity that he didn’t know how.

Solas had assured them that Fenris had the power now to close the rifts. However, at no point had the ancient elf explained to Fenris how to accomplish such a feat.  It was an oversight that was as much Fenris’ fault as it was Solas’.

_Venhedis!_

Cole appeared next to Fenris, startling the elf.

“Don’t hold it back. It pulls, you push but that’s wrong! Let go!” Cole said, his expression pleading.

“I... I..” Fenris stammered.

_It can’t be serious?_

“You’re afraid but you don’t need to be. The fade calls to the power in your marks. It _wants_ you to heal it. You will not lose yourself. You need to trust it!”

_The abomination is mad....._

There was no other viable option though. Fenris swore that should he perish in this, the abomination would be forever haunted by his very angry spirit.

_Ugh, it appears I am as mad as everyone else in this blighted Inquisiton…_

Fenris closed his eyes and let go. He allowed the rift to pull at his markings without hindrance.  The markings all over his body burned brightly and Fenris was unable to stop the scream that erupted from his throat. The furious bright green glow hurt his eyes even with his eyelids shut.  It was not the pain (and there was pain, if more aptly described as discomfort than pain), but the utter feeling of helplessness that made him scream.

That’s when he heard it.

A song so beautiful, so perfect, that it felt like his spirit was breaking free from his body and fleeing to the fade.  The realisation that the song was coming from Fenris…That it _was Fenris_ , caused him to cry out in one last agonising scream.

The last thing Fenris heard before he blacked out was Cullen screaming his name.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

They made camp not far from where Fenris closed the rift a half hour ago.  The elf was unconscious, covered in dirt and blood from the fight and had a nasty cut across his ribs (that Cullen had hastily bandaged up), but thankfully would be fine.

There was a moment when Cullen thought he might have lost him once again. Cole however, was right there assuring the Commander that the elf was overwhelmed, but ultimately all right.

_‘He heard his song, heard who he REALLY is. He thinks he’s someone else, but he’s not. It hurts him because he doesn’t believe it... You can make him believe it though. He trusts you.’_ Cole had said as Cullen tended to the unconscious elf just after the battle.

The Commander truthfully didn’t know what Cole was talking about. What song? Like the lyrium sings?

“Ugh.” Fenris said as his eyes flickered open.

Cullen looked down into beautiful emerald eyes and smiled in relief.

“Welcome back Inquisitor. You gave us quite a scare.” Cullen said, unable to hide the elation he felt from his voice. “How do you feel?”

“Like I have lived this once before...” Fenris answered as Cullen helped him to sit up.

Cullen laughed. From Fenris point of view, it would indeed be similar to events of the last battle with Corypheus. However, Cullen was nowhere near as distraught now as he’d been then.

“Can you stand? There is a river nearby and it’s important to clean your wound properly before it gets infected.”

“What wound?” Fenris asked, looking down at his person. “Ugh.” He grunted, when he saw the bandage across his ribs.

“Hey Boss.” Bull said, turning away from the tent he was erecting a few paces behind them. “Good to see you up. Need any help with that?”

“No. Cullen will suffice.” Fenris answered, somewhat stiffly.

Cullen couldn’t help the smile that graced his lips. He resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at Bull childishly.

_Maker, that is so unlike me…._

“Come. Let’s get this seen to. Then you should eat something and recover your strength.  Bull, set up the fire and make a start on dinner. We’ll be back in a bit.” Cullen said as he grabbed some supplies and helped Fenris walk to the nearby river.

Thankfully, the sun was still high in the horizon and there was more than enough light for Cullen to see what needed doing. He hated to think what he would have done if this had happened at night. Fire light was not a good substitute for sunlight when wounds required tending.

 The elf wore only a simple under tunic and his black leather trousers currently as Cullen had already removed Fenris’ armour back at camp when he attended to the wound initially.  

Fenris sat by the side of the river as Cullen retrieved some water in a bowl he had brought with him.

“Ah...I’m sorry...but... erm...could you remove your tunic?” Cullen asked tentatively. “I would have done this whilst you were…indisposed but I wanted to stop the bleeding first.”

Fenris complied. the elf winced as he removed the tunic but did not otherwise complain. Cullen leaned forward to remove the bandage.

_Sweet maker give me strength..._

Even in this state Fenris was beautiful. Cullen tried to think clinically, he really did. It was useless though. He doubted there was a man or woman in Thedas that could think clinically with Fenris before them. The Commander took a deep breath and dipped the cloth in the water before washing the wound carefully. Fenris hissed as Cullen tried to wipe away some of the dried blood. The sound  of Fenris in pain causing the Ex-Templar to stop.

“Is the pain too much?” Cullen asked, looking up at his friend. For a moment he forgot to breathe under the intensity of Fenris’ gaze.

“No, it is not too much.” Fenris answered after a few moments, his voice rough.

Cullen let out a staggered breath.

“That’s...good. I’m glad.” Cullen answered. “If you like, once I am done binding this, I will return to camp so that you may bathe in private..”

Fenris gave Cullen a small half smile.

“You would leave me here unprotected, Commander?” Fenris asked, the smile now changing into a smirk.

_Sweet Maker...that bloody smirk..._

Cullen felt the warmth in his cheeks grow and was certain the elf could see his blush.

“I...ah...N..no. I...um...”

Nervous, and unsure of how to respond, Cullen simply continued cleaning the wound. Once it was sufficiently clean he applied the elfroot salve directly onto the wound, noting how Fenris’ muscles stiffened slightly under his fingertips.

“Sorry, we ran out of potions during the fight. The way Bull fights, they were all gone before we were even half done. This is the best I can do until we reach the forward camp tomorrow.” Cullen apologised, as he began dressing the cut. Necessity forced Cullen to sit closer to the elf whilst he wrapped the bandage around Fenris’ ribs and the Commander felt his heart beat faster.  

 “Do not apologise. I am grateful for this. You need not worry; I heal more rapidly as a result of the lyrium. I will be sufficiently recovered by morning.”

“Still, I should have managed potion distributions better. You didn’t drink a single one. It was my failing. I won’t let it happen again.” Cullen said as he tied of the bandage, his hands shaking slightly from the nerves.

Fenris placed a lyrium lined hand over Cullen’s hand, stilling the Commander’s nervous tremor.

“Cullen. Look at me.” Fenris said, but Cullen simply sighed and continued looking down.

He did not want Fenris to see the sting of failure in his expression.  (Although chances were that if Fenris was acting like this, Cullen had failed at masking the feeling efficiently.)

As the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces, he was on this mission simply to protect the Inquisitor. Maker he couldn’t even do that properly. He...

Cullen didn’t finish the thought as he felt a sure hand grip the nape of his neck, the fingers pressing firmly into his skin reassuringly.

“Cullen. I asked you to look at me.” Fenris said, almost in a whisper.

_Maker, I thought that voice could not be any more tempting..._

Cullen lifted his head slowly to meet Fenris’ gaze and was surprised to find the elf barely an inch away from his face.

“It is not your responsibility to monitor potion usage. If that is anyone’s duty, it is mine. _Your_ duty is simply to fight with me. This...” The elf squeezed Cullen’s hand gently that was still palm down over the injury.  “happened because I overstretched. It is not an uncommon occurrence to be injured in battle, Cullen. The fault was not yours.”

Cullen swallowed loudly.

“I watched you as you fought.” Fenris continued, his expression serious. “Did you think I would not see you taunt the demons that were focused on me? That I would not note how you stepped in front of the pride demon on my flank whilst you were already engaged with two shades of your own? “

 “I...ah...” Cullen faltered. Truthfully, he had not thought Fenris would notice him taking opponents that by rights should have belonged to the elf. “Fenris, please don’t think it’s because I did not think you capable. I am fully aware you could have handled them easily. I just...”

“I know.”Fenris said.”I am the Inquisitor. You believe it is your duty to protect me. However..”

“No!..Fenris, no.” Cullen interjected.”I mean, yes. There is that, but...I care...I would rather die than let anything happen to you, Fen… Maker, I’ve already had to deal with believing you were lost to me once, I can’t go through that again.”

_Damn my inability to shut. Up. That was too much…_

Fenris exhaled and gently started caressing the Commander’s neck with his thumb. Slowly, gently stroking up and then lightly stroking back down.

Cullen had to stifle a moan at the sensation.

“Festis bei uno canavarum,” Fenris said in a whisper, his eyes still locked on Cullen’s.

_Maker, you will be the death of me..._

They sat like that for a long moment, neither willing to move and startle the other away. Cullen had to actively stop himself from leaning forward and kissing the elf. Whatever else, Cullen was certain that what he and Fenris shared was more than a simple friendship. (At least on his part.)

Cullen cursed himself for wanting more, for wanting what Fenris might not be willing to give. Still, sitting like this he had to think, maybe Fenris wanted it too…

To the void with what the Chantry taught. Cullen refused to believe that something that felt so _right_ was a sin in the eyes of the Maker. Yes, he wanted another man, but so what? This was Fenris. This was not simple lust (which incidentally was frowned upon in the Chantry regardless of what sex the object was), this was much more than that. He wanted ALL of Fenris, not just his (admittedly sinfully perfect) body.

Cullen licked his lips absentmindedly and tentatively started to lean forwards.

“Hey Boss, you decent?” Bull said, walking into the clearing by the river where they sat. “Ah...Well, I guess that’s an answer to more than one question.” Bull chuckled. “Dinner’s ready whenever you boys are done. No rush. The kid’s found a nug, he says it’s his new friend.” Bull shook his head in disbelief. “Weird kid, but he’s _my_ weird kid… What ya gonna do?” He shrugged, turned and walked back to camp.

_Maker take you Bull…_

Cullen heart beat loudly in his chest. He had been startled by Bull’s appearance but had not attempted to move away. The Commander was pleased to note that the interruption hadn’t caused the elf to recoil in surprise either. Fenris still held on to the nape of his neck, albeit more firmly than before.  

Still, Cullen needed time to consider what he’d almost done.

Maker! He’d very nearly kissed Fenris and it did not look like the elf would have pulled away.  And yet… What if Cullen was wrong? What if he had completely misread Fenris?

With a sigh, and doubt creeping back into his mind, Cullen decided this was not the time to ponder this. They were in the middle of the hinterlands, Fenris was injured and they still had one more rift to close before they could go back to Skyhold.

Besides, there was no way that Cullen would be able to stay and watch Fenris bathe without doing something foolish and potentially unwelcome…but there was hope...

For the love of the Maker Rutherford…Later! Not now!….but It would be nice to see.. NO!

Using the only excuse he could think of that seemed even remotely viable, Cullen cleared his throat and said;   

“I should probably head back to camp before Bull decides he’s still hungry and tries to cook the nug. I would rather not risk Cole getting angry then trying to murder Bull to avenge the death of his new friend. ”

_All right, so maybe that wasn’t the most viable of excuses…_

As expected Fenris did not appear convinced but mercifully did not push the matter.  

 “As you wish.” Fenris answered, caressing the Commander’s neck one last time with his thumb before releasing him. “And Cullen...”

“Hmm?” The ex- Templar answered as he moved to grab the soiled cloth and water bowl.

“I would ask that you address me as Fen more often.” Fenris smirked. “It was not...unpleasant.”

_Maker’s Breath...I am doomed..._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you liked it and I didnt' bore you with the length of this! We should be back to normal word count by next chapter :D


	12. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...I did say it would be a bumpy ride... bump bump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teensy bit of m/m make out session in this chapter guys. if you're not into that sort of thing feel free to skip to the notes at the bottom and Ill expain what you need to know :) 
> 
> Enjoy :D

Bull watched as Cullen and Fenris practically tiptoed around each other, studying their body language. Originally, he had thought Cullen would not return the elf’s interest. Oh how wrong he’d been...

It was a shame he wouldn’t get to see Fenris in action. The elf had an intensity about him that was sure to make for interesting times in the bedroom. It was disappointing, but Bull found didn’t mind the turn of events so much.

The only reason Bull pursued Fenris in the first place was because he knew Fenris was pining over the Commander and figured the elf would likely never get laid if he waited for Cullen (and that elf NEEDED to get laid.) Well, that and Fenris was _really REALLY_ hot. Like, smoking hot.

Watching them now however, he wondered if he should continue making his interest known. At the very least it may hopefully bring force the two men together sooner rather than later.

It was almost painful to watch them. They’d been so close earlier and now, they were acting like it never happened. To be more specific, they were acting like bashful inexperienced teenagers.

Fenris was sitting on the log in front of the fire whilst Cullen sat right at the edge on the other end. Each stealing glances when they thought the other was not looking. At this rate they might finally kiss by Wintersend next year.

Cole giggled as he played with the nug.

“Nugs are kind, almost everything is bigger than they are, but they’re still happy. If you hold out your hand they will nuzzle it. It’s how they call you friend…”

“Wow, kid.” Bull said, shaking his head. “Just..wow.”

Cole giggled some more as the nug nibbled his hand. Such a weird kid...

Bull stood and stretched theatrically.

“Say goodnight to your friend there, kid. It’s past your bedtime.” Bull said, looking at Cole.

“What’s a bedtime The Iron Bull? I didn’t know I had one.” Cole asked, scrunching his face in confusion. “Oh! Is it my share of the loot from the rift?”

Bull stared at Cole.

_How does this kid even function?..._

“Just...get in the tent, kid. Let the grown up’s have some alone time.” Bull said as he turned and grinned at the Commander and Fenris. Both men blushed.

“Try not to break the Commander, Boss. I’d miss that pretty mouth of his.” Bull winked as he grabbed Cole by the scruff of the neck and dragged him into the tent with him.

“Did he just say I have a pretty mouth?” Bull heard Cullen ask as he almost threw Cole into the tent.

“He is not wrong.” Fenris replied as Bull entered the tent behind Cole.

_Well, how about that? The elf knows how to flirt..._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Kirkwall was destroyed. The smell of smoke hung in the air and Cullen could feel the heat of the fires that burned throughout the city.  Maker, how could he have been so blind?

“Knight Captain.”

Cullen turned to see Fenris standing behind him.

“Fenris? What are you doing here? I thought you left with Hawke.”  Cullen exclaimed, surprised to find the stoic elf still in Kirkwall.

“Why would I leave whilst you remain?” Fenris asked, taking a step forwards.

“Excuse me?” Cullen asked, confused.

“We could leave this place together, you and I.” The elf said, smirking suggestively as he placed a lyrium lined hand on the Knight Captains chest. The smirk was wrong though, there was something...

“That’s what you want isn’t it? I would make you so happy.”

_Wait...This is wrong. This is not how it’s supposed to be._

Cullen took a step back, shaking his head in denial.

“You are _not_ Fenris.”

“I could be.” The fake Fenris replied, lifting his other hand and gripping Cullen’s neck, pulling him down. “All you have to do is say yes.”

Cullen felt the breath of the false elf hot on his face as their lips got closer. Maker, he wanted this. He wanted to feel Fenris’ lips on his, wanted to know what he tasted like. Would he kiss softly, or would it be messy and passionate? Cullen closed his eyes, their lips now a hair’s breadth apart. Still, he did not close the gap.

“That’s right. Give in, Knight Captain. Have you not given enough to Chantry? To the Inquisition? You can have what you want if you only _TAKE_ it.” The fake Fenris insisted.

Cullen felt his resolve weakening. He wanted this. Why shouldn’t he take it?

“I could be _better_ than him.” The elf said in a whisper.

Cullen’s opened his eyes and grabbed the demon’s wrist’s with a speed that he did not realise that he possessed.

“No Demon! You are not him. _Nothing_ could be better than him.” Cullen replied, forcefully.

The scene changed. He was now back in Kinloch hold, straddling the demon on a bed as he held its wrists in a vice grip by its head. The desire demon still wore Fenris’ face, but the expression plastered on it was disturbingly wrong. Evil, twisted and sultry all at the same time.

_It is not him. Those are not his eyes. His eyes are not cruel and deceitful..._

“Tsk, tsk. Now, now poppet, why would you say no?  Is this not everything you want?”  The demon insisted, arching its hips and pressing its obvious arousal against Cullen’s groin. “You will never have the real Fenris. He wants the Qunari. You know that, don’t you? Why would he ever want you when he could ride the Bull? But you can have me, we would be so happy. I would pleasure you beyond your wildest dreams. All you have to say is yes.”

“That’s a lie...” Cullen said shaking his head.

“Oh, is it now? Are you so certain?.... Aaah I see, you think he wants you because he didn’t pull away?” The demon wearing Fenris’ face laughed gleefully. “This is precious. The only reason he didn’t pull away is because he is _conditioned_ not to. There are no chains holding him but he is still a slave. He will always be a slave. And YOU are his surrogate Master.”

The Demon lifted its head and licked Cullen’s lips.

“But I want you of my own free will. Say yes...” 

Anger and disgust filled every fibre of Cullen’s body.

_This isn’t Fenris...no, no , no...This is all wrong...._

\----------------------------------------

“SILENCE! I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOUR LIES! YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE!” Cullen screamed, holding Fenris’ wrists so tightly it caused the elf to flinch.

“Cullen! Wake up! It is not real. Enough of this!” Fenris yelled, concern clearly showing on his face.

Fenris was surprised at the Commander’s strength.  He had always known the Commander to be strong, one only had to look at him to deduce that, but the force with which he held Fenris down was comparable to a bear’s. Still, all Fenris had to do was phase through him and he would be free, yet he refused. He did not want to do anything that would cause the man any further distress.

“DO NOT LIE TO ME, DEMON! DO NOT TAUNT ME WITH HIS FACE! YOU COULD NEVER BE HIM!” Cullen continued, gripping Fenris wrists even tighter making the elf flinch at the pain.

If the Commander continued to grip Fenris’ wrists much more forcefully, the elf might have no option but to phase out lest the man shatter his wrist bones...

“Cullen! LOOK AT ME!” Fenris yelled.

The Commander started, blinked rapidly but did not release Fenris.

“LOOK. AT. ME!” The elf yelled once more, igniting his brands.

Eerie green light filled the tent and Cullen stiffened.

“F..Fenris?...N..no...You are not real...” Cullen said, with doubt in his voice. Yet, his grip on Fenris’ wrists loosened a little. 

“Look at me, Cullen.” Fenris repeated again, his voice softer, the brightness of the brands lowering in intensity. “You know me. Tell me who I am.”

Cullen leant forward until his face was inches from Fenris’ face, hovering above the elf. The Commander looked at Fenris in the eyes, studying his features. Fenris did not move, did not look away. He was unwilling to startle his Commander and so he stared right back, his gaze not leaving Cullen’s for a moment. Their faces were so close their rapid breaths intermingled.

“Maker, no. What have I done...” Cullen said in a whisper, realisation dawning, the beginnings of panic evident on his face.

“Cullen, breathe.” Fenris said, calmly as Cullen released the elf’s wrists and placed his hands on the ground on either side of Fenris’ head to push himself up.  But before the Commander was able to move off Fenris, the elf grabbed Cullen’s hips and held him down so that he could not run away.

Fenris knew that the second Cullen was off him, the Commander would run out of the tent and into the woods. That was not an option.

“No. You will not run from me.” Fenris said, the Commander still straddling him with his hands on either side of Fenris’ head, holding himself above the elf. “Talk to me, Cullen.”

Cullen’s breathing was getting faster, panic in his features as the Commander began to tremble.

“You have to breathe slower, Cullen. You will hyperventilate.” Fenris instinctively placed hand at the small of the Commander’s back and started rubbing soothingly.

Cullen shifted slightly as he took a couple of shaky breaths.

_Fasta Vass! Please do not move like that..._

“Fenris...I...I’m so, so sorry. I hurt you, held you down. How can you even look at me...Please, just, let me go...” Cullen attempted to sit up but Fenris’ hand on the Commander’s back stopped him.

“No.” Fenris said, gripping Cullen’s hip tighter with the other hand. “I said you will not run from me.”

Fenris was sure that Cullen would be feeling the elf’s interest soon if the Commander did not move from his current position, but he did not want to relinquish his hold. He had said that Cullen would not run from him and he meant it.

“Fenris, please...I can’t...”Cullen faltered.

“Can’t what?”

“I can’t have you this close and not want you!” Cullen said, his voice raised.

For a moment all that could be heard were the tree frogs croaking in the nearby river. The air in tent felt heavy with the weight of Cullen’s confession.

At the river Fenris dared to hope that his Commander truly wanted him. Yet, once they were back at camp he talked himself out of the preposterous idea. It was the lyrium...it was always the lyrium.

The Commander moved to stand up with much more force than he had earlier but Fenris, sensing the man’s intention, acted to stop him. With lightning speed and a strength that should not be possible from such a lithe man, the elf twisted them so that Cullen was on his back and the elf was laying over him, Fenris’ hips firmly between the Commander’s thighs.

“I _said_. You would not run from me, Cullen. Explain.” Fenris declared, looking at Cullen intensely.  

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said anything. Maker, Please Fenris. I _swear_ nothing has to change. I can ignore it, I can! I can’t lose...”

“You want me?” Fenris said, breathlessly.

_No, not truly. It is the lyrium he craves._

“Please Fen,” Cullen said and his sorrowful expression melted Fenris’ heart. “I swear to you. Nothing has to change. I can ignore it...”

Fenris looked at Cullen, felt the Commander’s heart beating frantically against his chest.  Saw the pleading expression on his friend’s handsome face...felt Cullen’s need pressing insistently against his hip. Fenris knew he shouldn’t, knew it was wrong to take advantage of Cullen’s weakness for lyrium. But as he looked down at the tempting, gorgeous man below him, he found he didn’t care. Fenris wanted him more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.

_Fasta Vass..._

 “I can’t ignore it.” Fenris said as he crashed his lips against Cullen’s.

Fenris’ held himself up on one arm, the other hand cupped Cullen’s cheek as he pressed their lips tighter together. Cullen did not respond, he simply lay there in shock.

Worried he’d made a mistake, Fenris started to pull back. The action appeared to snap Cullen back to the present and the Commander rapidly grabbed the elf’s neck, holding him in place. Cullen surprised Fenris by opening his mouth slightly and licking Fenris’ lips fleetingly.

Fenris moaned deep in his throat at the action, heat building down low. 

When Cullen did it again Fenris parted his lips and allowed the Commander the entry he sought. The elf’s heart beat loudly in his chest as they kissed. Lips parting, tongues tasting... testing, timid at first. Cullen moaned deliciously and wrapped his arms around the Elf’s back, pulling their bodies closer. Fenris deepened the kiss, bolder now, tongues swirling together. Retreating and advancing, again and again until they were both panting.

Fenris pressed his hips against Cullen’s sharply, causing the Commander to gasp, breaking their kiss as the ex-Templar threw his head back against the bedroll. Fenris took the opportunity to place wet kisses down the Commander’s neck.

“Maker’s Breath, Fen...” Cullen said breathlessly.

Fenris continued the trail of kisses, sucking hard on Cullen’s neck at the juncture where it met the shoulder. Fenris smirked, knowing it was sure to leave a mark.

“Why does he feel proud that his kiss will leave a mark on the Commander, The Iron Bull?” Cole said far too loudly from the tent next to theirs.

_What?..._

Fenris stopped mid kiss. Cullen froze his writhing movements.

“Dammit kid! It was just getting good! Why’d ya have to go do your weird shit?”

_Fuck..._

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for them to stop. They were having fun.” Cole exclaimed cheerfully.” Hearts racing, fingers touching, lips kissing...He tastes so good...”

“Yeah, I bet he does.” Bull grumbled, disappointed.

“Oh. You wanted it to be you, but you’re happy that it’s Cullen. Why?”

“Urgh...Go to sleep, Kid.”

Silence...

Moment’s passed, neither moved.

Fenris looked down at his Commander. What had he done? HOW could he have taken advantage of Cullen in this way?

_I am a monster._

“Fen?...” Cullen whispered, confusion and concern clearly visible in his expression.

“I...should not have...This is wrong.” Fenris said. “I can’t...I’m sorry.”

Fenris quickly lifted his body off the Commander and without another word, exited the tent into the darkness of the night. He left Cullen laying there, looking hurt and bewildered.

_I am the worst kind of monster. No wonder the Maker turned his gaze from us if there are monsters like me in the world..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, for those that skipped - Fenny and Cully kissied, Cole did his thing and interrupted and then Fenny ran away away upset because he thinks he's a dick that took advantage of his friends addiction to lyrium just so he could get some funtimes ;P 
> 
> thats it really. 
> 
> Have a great weekend guys :D Probably wont post again till monday now :D 
> 
> Hope you liked it! :D


	13. Heartbreaker.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to skyhold we go :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this tomorrow but I have meetings out of the office all day so I wont be able to. So you guys get this a day early ;P Next update should be wednesday or Thursday latest I think, I really want to get that one right. :D 
> 
> Also, there will be less angst after this chapter. Fun! ;P

“Everything is prepared for your arrival.” Fen’Harel said, his hands clasped firmly behind his back.

Zath’ael nodded his understanding. He stood next to Fen’Harel in the Temple gardens watching Jessica and Valylanna laughing happily. Valylanna was attempting to teach Jessica to ‘walk with the grace and poise expected of Fen’Harel’s Bonded Mate.’ It was not going well. Jessica was a lot of things, but graceful was not one of them.  His lips turned up at the corners.

“They appear to have taken to each other well, Fen’Harel. I dare say Valylanna is overjoyed to have such a kind hearted Mistress.” Zath’ael observed.

“Jessica is not Valylanna’s Mistress, Zath’ael.” Fen’Harel chided gently. “Just as I am not your Master.”

“Of course. I did not mean to cause offense.” Zath’ael replied “Sometimes it is hard ...”

“There is no offence, I understand. I have never been a slave but I know more than most how difficult it is to quell old habits.” Fen’Harel answered. “I still catch myself raising my hand with the intention of running my fingers through my hair, on occasion.” He finished looking at his friend out of the corner of his eye, a small smile on his lips.

Zath’ael laughed.

“I still do not understand why you will not allow it to grow back.”

“That is because You’ve never witnessed me use a fire spell whilst I still possessed hair, my friend.” Fen’Harel chuckled. “It’s probably for the best, in any event.”

Zath’ael smiled.

“Probably.” He agreed, glancing at Jessica who was trying (unsuccessfully) to walk with a book balanced on her head. “Did you tell her?”

“I did.” Fen’Harel said, turning his gaze to his mate. “I fear she is not pleased with me at present.” He sighed.

“It will pass. She is an intelligent woman. I have no doubt she will see the sense of it eventually.” Zath’ael reassured him.

“She sees the sense already.” Fen’Harel unclasped his hands from behind his back and turned toward Zath’ael. “Truthfully she was more upset that I had not explained to Fenris the role he must play in this. Perhaps she is correct. It does concern him after all and he _is_ already aware of who I am.”

Zath’ael regarded Fen’Harel thoughtfully. There was strength of spirit in Fenris that he had not seen before. The young Elvhen warrior fascinated Zath’ael. Fenris had escaped the bonds of slavery just as he had, but the white haired elf had also survived something that by all rights should have killed him. That the pain of the ritual had not destroyed his mind was truly remarkable.

“Fenris is an extraordinary being. It is not inconceivable that he should understand what it is we are trying to accomplish and wish to help.” Zath’ael answered.

“I will...think on it.” Fen’Harel replied. “Come, we should speak with Abelas before the day is out. His sentinels will be uneasy and it is unfair to make them wait overly long.”

“As you wish.” Zath’ael answered, following Fen’Harel into the main Temple.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

_“This is wrong...I can’t...I’m sorry.”_

Fenris’ words echoed in Cullen’s mind, bringing with them a painful tightening in his chest each time he recalled them. Fenris did not return to the tent that night...Nor the three nights after that, opting to sleep by the fire instead. Cullen did not pressure him to return to their tent. Neither did he bring up what had happened between them. Cullen had thought to talk to Fenris about their…moment, the day after. But when Fenris returned the next morning the elf was distant and avoided the Commander at all costs. Fenris obviously did not want to talk about it, and Cullen did not want to pressure Fenris to do anything he didn’t want to do.  

They continued their mission (albeit awkwardly with little banter) and closed the remaining rift with no notable incidents. The elf was prepared for the experience that time and did not appear too affected with the aftermath.  As the days wore on Cullen noted how Fenris withdrew more and more into himself. By the time they left the Hinterlands’ green pastures for the cold hard rock of the mountains, Fenris wore a haunted look in his eyes that chilled Cullen’s right to the bone.

Despite everything, Cullen had lost him, their friendship undeniably affected. When they spoke now (which was almost negligible), the conversation was strained and superficial. Cole looked pained every time he glanced in their direction, but mercifully kept his silence. Perhaps Bull had spoken to the spirit and impressed upon him the importance of keeping their thoughts private at this time. He would have to thank Bull later for that if that was the case. Cullen was not certain he could deal with Cole’s insights just now.  

Cullen swallowed hard and drew in a ragged breath as Skyhold’s bridge came into view before them.  He’d been dreading their return for days. It was selfish he knew, but at least on the road Fenris had no choice but to stay near. In Skyhold however, Cullen was certain that the elf would keep his distance. 

Two days ago Cullen noticed a strip of the lining of his cloak was missing as he donned his armour. When he exited the tent he observed a strip of red cloth around Fenris wrist. When saw it his heart jumped in anticipation, full of hope that perhaps Fenris was not as disgusted by what happened between them as the elf seemed.  When an hour passed and nothing came of it, Fenris still avoiding him every time he tried to get near, the words rang loudly in his head once more…

_“This is wrong...I can’t.... I’m sorry.”_

…And Cullen’s world crumbled. No. There was no hope. He had been a fool to think otherwise.

It was not like Fenris to be cruel, at least not deliberately. Whatever Fenris planned by wearing part of Cullen’s cloak on his wrist, it was definitely not with the intention to hurt the Commander. Perhaps the elf wanted to remember the mistake so that it never happened again?  Wearing a visual reminder of the blunder was an efficient way to never forget.

“Kay Boss, If we’re done here I _REALLY_ need to get drunk.” Bull exclaimed as soon as they dismounted at the stables.

“Go.” Fenris stated simply, sounding exhausted.

“Come on, Kid.”

“But.”

“Kid...”

“Ah...All right.” Cole said dejectedly, following Bull toward the Tavern with his head hung low.

Cullen handed the horse’s reigns to the stable boy and turned to face Fenris. Head held high, forcing on Commander Mode. Fenris would NOT see him act like a love spurned teenage girl. Cullen was the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces for Maker’s sakes. He could do this…

“I will debrief Cassandra on the mission’s success and then retire to my office with your permission, Inquisitor.” Cullen said, his voice betraying none of his tumultuous feelings.

Fenris looked at him, the impassive look of the past days gone. The sorrowful look Fenris wore right then broke Cullen’s heart but it did not cause him to slip out of his Commander mode. Maker knew all he wanted to do was hug his friend, tell him everything would be all right. That they could go back to how it was before, but Cullen was not a liar.

Cullen had only two options he was capable of carrying out now that they were back at Skyhold and had no choice but to accept that that their friendship was changed forever.

The First was to continue with his Commander Mode and the second was to fall to his knees and beg Fenris to not leave him. Plead for the elf to stay with him....to love him.

It wasn’t that Cullen was too proud to for option two. But he would not guilt Fenris into staying with him out of pity. So, Cullen chose Commander Mode.

“Cullen...” Fenris said, his voice sounding strained. His eyes sad, intense...

Cullen swallowed hard.

_Must you make this more difficult for me than it already is? Maker, Fen I can’t deal with this._

“I must attend to my duties. The mission took longer than expected and I have forsaken them for far too long as it is. Excuse me.” Cullen nodded sharply. “By your leave, Inquisitor.”

Cullen turned and walked away.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

He stood and watched as his Commander walked away from him. He never believed until that moment that a person’s heart could truly break. Not when Hawke had chosen Anders. Not when his only sister had betrayed him. Not even when he found himself alone once more after Kirkwall’s fall.

Fenris absentmindedly worried at the piece of Cullen’s cloak tied around his wrist. Cullen was acting cold and formal because of him. Fenris had pushed the Commander away with his actions. He knew he should have discussed what happened with Cullen the morning after, but Fenris was a coward.

He swallowed hard but the knot in his throat refused to abate.

_I can’t lose him..._

But he had...

Fenris felt like he’d been punched in the gut by an ogre as he let out a breath and found it hard to breathe in again.

_I can’t..._

He took in a staggered breath as his lungs begged for air and his body began to shake.  He needed to move.  He needed to get to his quarters…

Fenris felt winded again when he realised that Cullen would not join him for dinner that evening. The elf caught the strangled cry from escaping his throat just in time.

There would be no more talks at twilight, no more reading on the couch. He would not feel the warmth of Cullen’s hands as they held his own hand, guiding his fingers over the words on the page. There would be no more brushes of their thighs as they sat, pressed together with a book on their laps.

_What have I done?..._

Was it really so bad if Cullen didn’t really want him but the lyrium in his skin? Would it _really_ be such a terrible thing if Fenris took advantage? He could make Cullen happy. Fenris would work every single day to make sure his Commander had everything his heart desired. Surely that cancelled out everything else…

_Why shouldn’t I take what he offers to me freely?_

That was the question though. Was it truly a free choice?

“Hey Broody, you’re never gonna beli…” Varric’s grin faltered. “What’s wrong?”

Fenris couldn’t deal with Varric right now. He didn’t want to deal with anyone. He felt his despair slowly change into anger.

“Not now, dwarf.” He replied, his voice hard and cold.

“I know that look Broody… Do you want to talk about it? …” Varric started but Fenris cut him off.

“No I do not want to talk about it!” Fenris yelled. “You must think me a fool if you believe I would _ever_ talk to _you_ about my problems? My life is not fodder for your next book, dwarf! Go find your inspiration elsewhere.”

Varric’s concerned expression quickly turned to one of unbridled hurt. Fenris hated himself.

“Varric…I apologise. That was unkind…” Fenris stammered.

Varric smiled sadly, dismissing the issue with a wave of his hand.

“Ah don’t worry about it Broody. Lashing out when you’re in pain is sorta your thing. “He replied, the smile widening into a grin. “I totally expected it.”

Fenris wasn’t fooled though. He’d hurt the dwarf with his words. Varric wasn’t wrong, that was exactly what Fenris did when he was in pain. Lash out at the first thing that came him way. Varric was just unfortunate enough to be the first thing in his way this time…

“I…should go.” Fenris said, and he had the decency to look guilty about yelling at Varric without cause.

“Lemme know if feel up to losing some coin at Wicked Grace.”

“I will. I…Thank you, Varric. I just… need to be alone right now.”

“Your choice.” Varric replied, turning to leave but then he stopped and faced Fenris once more.

“You know Fenris,” The use of his name and not his nickname made Fenris pay attention.  “Whatever it is you’re dealing with; you don’t have to through it alone just ‘cos that’s what you’ve always done. You had people in Kirkwall that cared about you and you never let them in…. Tell me Fenris, how did that work out for ya?”

“Ah…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. “ Varric walked up to Fenris and gripped his arm gently. Fenris flinched at the contact.

“See? That flinch? Emotionally, that’s exactly what you do every time someone gets too close.  Not everyone’s trying to hurt or take something from you Broody. I know it sounds crazy but some people find that prickly exterior of yours endearing and just want to get to know you better. They’re a good bunch of people here; even sparkler has his redeeming qualities. But if you keep doing that.” Varric motioned to Fenris’ arm with his other hand. “Then this is just gonna be Kirkwall all over again.”

Fenris only nodded, considering what Varric had said. The dwarf patted him twice on the arm before stepping away and grinning widely.

“Speaking of which…You have a visitor.”

That got his attention.

“Who?”

“I’ll give you a hint. Two actually…. Backstabber and Heartbreaker.”

“Do not jest with me, dwarf…” Fenris replied suspiciously.

“Worth it just for that expression.” Varric chuckled.

“Is she truly here?...Dwarf!....Do not walk away from me!” Fenris yelled after Varric.

Varric laughed boisterously as he walked away despite Fenris’ words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes.... you know who it is ;P 
> 
> Sorry for the angst but I promise, it will get better soon :D hang in there with me ;P
> 
> Thanks so much Guys :D Hugs for you all, you have no idea how grateful I am that you're all still reading :D


	14. Reunions and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabella is Isabella and Cullen say's more than he means to ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm aware that maybe I've written Isabella a bit on the overstated side, I'm not sorry ;P Isabella is hilarious when she's being Isabella lol :D

“Missed me?”

“No.” Fenris replied, but the small smile on his lips proved otherwise.

“Ouch. Right in the heart.” Isabella said jokingly, hand flying to her ample bosom.

Fenris chuckled. He could not deny to himself that he had indeed missed the extravagant Pirate Captain. She was over-the-top, greedy, sex crazed and selfish...but she had a heart of gold under that bluster. He hadn’t seen her since that fateful day in Kirkwall, over two years ago now. The woman looked much the same as he remembered...and apparently was still allergic to pants.

Isabella smirked as she swayed her hips and sauntered around Fenris’ desk, her fingertips trailing along the edges.

“So...Is it true?”

“Is what true?” He asked, laying back on his chair to look up at her as she leaned against his desk.

“That you glow green now, just like your pretty eyes.” She purred.

Fenris rolled his (pretty) eyes.

“Not changed, I see.” He remarked.

“Not even a little bit.” She grinned. “And don’t change the subject. Go on, show me.”

Fenris sighed. Yes, definitely the same old Isabella.

“Later, perhaps.”  He dismissed.

“Like in the dark later?... _In_ that bed there? Are you finally going to let me oil you up until you glisten?”  Isabella bent down seductively.

Fenris deadpanned.

“The answer to that question remains the same as the last time that you asked it.”

Isabella pouted theatrically as she stood and walked back to the chair on the opposite side of Fenris’ desk.

“Spoilsport.” She said as she flopped down on the seat.

\-------------------------------------------------

Cassandra informed the Commander as soon as he entered his office that Isabella was in Skyhold. In that instant everything he remembered about the Pirate rushed back to him.  Possessiveness the likes of which he’d never felt before filled his entire being. He could practically feel the jealousy and worry gnawing at his insides. 

Cullen hadn’t known Isabella well in Kirkwall (just as he hadn’t known Fenris much back then either), but the way the woman unashamedly threw herself at the elf never failed to rub Cullen the wrong way.

The second Cassandra said that Isabella was waiting for Fenris back at the Inquisitor’s quarters, Cullen’s feet began to move.

That’s how he ended up here. Standing outside Fenris’ door trying in vain to think of an excuse to barge in. He stopped breathing for a moment as he attempted to listen for any….compromising noises coming from inside. The idea that…

The door slammed right into his face with a loud crack.

“Ow...” He said, hand going to his forehead.

“Well, well…This is deliciously unexpected. “Isabella grinned. “Fenris, did you know there’s a strapping hunk of a man standing at your door?” She yelled back, just as Fenris came into view. “It’s like Wintersday’s come early this year. Pleeeease, Can I keep him?”  She said as she trailed a fingertip down Cullen’s breastplate.

“Ah...” Cullen stammered, His head banging from the impact but thankfully still intact.

_What is she doing?..Maker’s breath!_

Isabella’s fingers stroked the pommel of Cullen’s sword suggestively.

Fenris looked down the stairs to where Isabella and Cullen stood. The sudden anger that graced his features was unmistakable.  

“No! You may not keep him!” Fenris said angrily, taking the stairs two at a time until he stood next to Isabella. Fenris swatted Isabella’s hand away from Cullen’s sword as if it were something contagious. “Take your hands off him, Pirate. He is miii...Commander, not one of your playthings.”

“Oooo Possesive much?” She teased, turning to Cullen she added. “Maybe he _wants_ to be my plaything. Would you like that, Kitten?”

_Kitten?.... Well, that’s one way to completely destroy a man’s ego..._

“Shut. Up.” Fenris said to Isabella through gritted teeth.

“You never let me have any fun.” She pouted “Sharing is caring, you know.”

Fenris literally growled. Turning to the gobsmacked Commander, he asked suddenly.

“Cullen. Why are you here?”

_Shit…Um…_

Cullen cleared his throat, the Pirate’s display had thrown him for a loop and Fenris caught him off guard with the question. Closing his mouth and standing to attention, Cullen composed himself enough to answer.

“I apologise for disturbing your...meeting, Inquisitor. Cassandra informed me that Captain Isabella had arrived and as Commander of the forces it is my duty to wish her welcome to Skyhold and offer my services should she require anything whilst she is here.”

_I really need to work on my excuses...Maker, they just keep getting more and more terrible..._

“It’s Admiral now and don’t you worry, I will most definitely need your _services_ Commander Cu...wait what? Cullen? As in _Knight Captain_ Cullen? As in Smitey- smitey noodle head?” She asked in surprise, eyes widening in recognition. 

“I _beg_ your pardon?” Cullen asked, aghast.

“That is what Anders called you.” Fenris replied, deadpan.

“Smitey- smitey noodle head?...Really?”

 “Yes.” Fenris answered matter-of-factly then turning to Isabella said “Out. Now.”

“Maker, I missed that growly thing you do when you’re angry. Yum.” She said, with a dreamy look on her face. “Fine, I’ll go bother Varric for a bit. Don’t forget you promised to show me the glowy thing later… _glistening_.”

_He promised what?_

“Out!” Fenris exclaimed, his voice barely a controlled yell.

Isabella walked away, her hips swaying in a way only she could pull off. Cullen watched her as she left, jelousy rearing its ugly once again. A mental image of Fenris _glistening_ before Isabella came unbidden in his mind and he quickly suppressed it. Remembering that Fenris was standing there, the Commander turned to face him.

“Ah...I apologise again for interrupting your meeting, Inquisitor.” He said as he began to leave but Fenris grabbed his arm.

“What are you doing, Cullen?” Asked the elf, his voice calm but strained.

“Leaving.” Cullen said, pulling his arm away. Perhaps, a little more forcefully than he intended.

“I wish to speak with you. “

Cullen didn’t expect the anger that bubbled up in the pit of his stomach without warning. He stepped forward into the elf’s personal space, his voice slightly raised.

“Oh? Is that right, _Inquisitor_. _Now_ you want to talk? Tell me, what exactly is it that you want to say?”

“I truly am sorry, Cullen.” Fenris said, his eyes full of remorse.

“Yes, we established that when you left me panting on the ground like a bitch in heat and then refused to talk to me for days!” Cullen yelled, anger finally boiling over.

_Maker, where did that come from?_

The look of pure anguish in Fenris features pulled at Cullen’s heart and the anger dissipated.

“Fen...” He said unable to stop himself, his hand reaching for the elf automatically before he caught himself and lowered it again.

“That was unworthy of me. I’m sorry, I didn’t...”

Fenris sighed and moved to the side, inclining with his head that Cullen should enter the room. With a sigh of his own (and against his better judgement ), Cullen crossed the threshold into Fenris quarters.

Once they were in the middle of the room he stopped and faced Fenris, expecting the elf to begin talking. He didn’t. They just stood there, in the middle of the room as the minutes dragged on...silent.

Cullen took a deep breath and figured he either spoke first, or they would end up just standing there for ever.

“What did you wish to speak to me about, Inquisitor...” Cullen prompted, Commander Voice in full force.

“Don’t.” Fenris said, looking at Cullen intensely. His head angled slightly.

“Don’t what?” Cullen sighed, emotionally drained at this point.

“Act like you and I are barely more than strangers that work together.” Fenris said, taking a step forward.

Commander Mode shattered, leaving behind only the emotionally hurt and broken man that Cullen had been trying so desperately to hide.

“What do you expect me to do Fenris? I don’t know how to deal with this.” Cullen said, voice cracking. “I was raised by the Chantry since I was thirteen. I...I’ve never had to deal with...I never had the chance. I have no idea how I’m supposed to act. _This_...”Cullen put his hands on the pommel of his sword. “This, is what I know. Maker, do you even know how hard it was for me to accept…Never mind, it doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean, you never had the chance?”

_Yes of course, THAT is what he picks up on..._

Cullen looked down at his feet, unable to keep their eyes locked. “Just… Fenris, look. I know our friendship is...different now. If there even is a friendship left and Maker, I truly hope there is. I’m just not certain where we go from here. “

Fenris ran one of his hands through his white hair.

“I don’t know.” Fenris said. “All I know is that I cannot accept that our friendship is finished. Fasta Vass! It is because of my lack of control that we are even here.  I knew that it was not me but the lyrium that you craved. Yet I took advantage of you regardless.  I am no better than the Magister’s I profess to hate...”

“What are you talking about?” Cullen asked, confused.

He thought back to that day not long ago when he saw Fenris standing in this very room naked.  The lyrium...everything clicked into place.

“Wait, you think the only reason I kissed you back is because of the lyrium?” he asked, dumbfounded.

Fenris looked at Cullen as if the Commander was simple.

“Why else? What possible reason other than the lyrium is there for you to want me? For anyone to want me? I am disfigured by the markings carved into my flesh, ugly and terrible to the core. There is nothing but hate and anger in me. I am a monster.”He spat in disgust.

_He think’s..._

“Why el...Maker Fen, do you hear yourself?” Asked Cullen in disbelief.

_“_ I am not deaf, Cullen.” Fenris stated, defensively.

Cullen’s heart tightened painfully. He always knew that Fenris had issues. It was to be expected with everything that the elf had been through. But he did not expect this. Cullen could see the truth of it in the elf’s eyes. Fenris hated himself. Truly, hated himself…and it broke Cullen’s heart.  

Cullen made a decision. Whatever else, by the time he eventually left this room, Fenris would know just how mistaken he was.

“You really don’t see how remarkable you are, do you?”

“Do not lie to me, Cullen.  Dishonesty does not become you.”

“I’ve never lied to you before and I am not about to start now.” Cullen said, taking a determined step forward. “You appear to be under some misconception about what people see when they look at you… What _I_ see when I look at you. So, I am going to make this very clear so that there are no misunderstandings later on.

“The lyrium in your skin is only a very small part of you.  The markings in no way detract from how impossibly gorgeous you are, in fact they have the entirely opposite effect. Not because they are made of lyrium, but because they enhance your already striking build.  Maker Fen, there are times when I look at you and forget how to breathe, you are so stunning. You _literally_ take my breath away. Trust me when I tell you that I am not the only one that happens to.”

Fenris swallowed thickly.

“It is the lyrium that makes you think that, Cullen. Mages, Templar’s…It is always the lyrium for them.”

In Cullen’s emotionally exhausted state, he couldn’t control the surge of anger that once again threatened to erupt.

“Dammit, Fenris! _Listen_ to what I’m saying. It is not the lyrium for _ME_!” Cullen yelled.

Fenris’ markings flared briefly before the Commander continued speaking, almost in a rant.

“I love that you’re so passionate about everything. I love how your eyebrow’s scrunch up when you’re confused. I love that you have a kind, gentle heart but are fierce and unforgiving if someone you care about is threatened. I love that you patiently answered that little boys question’s back at the crossroads on our way back to Skyhold when you thought we weren’t looking. I love that despite everything…After All you’ve endured; you still believe that there’s good in people...even if you try really hard to convince yourself and everyone else otherwise. “

Cullen stood breathing heavily after his outburst. Fenris looked like he’d been slapped across the face, mouth agape and markings pulsing faintly to the beating of his heart.

“You” Cullen said, his expression and tone softening. “Are the most beautiful person I have ever met, both inside and out and it kills me that you can’t see it. It’s NOT the lyrium that I see when I look at you, Fen…It’s simply _you_.”

Cullen never felt so vulnerable before in his life. He hadn’t intended to pour his heart out to Fenris when he started his little speech but it was too late now. Fenris continued to say nothing. The elf looked like a statue as he stood there, not even blinking. Cullen sighed, his head beginning to pound. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

“I don’t know what else to say to convince you that I’m telling the truth. But I most definitely am not going to badger you until you’re forced to believe what I’m saying. Either you trust me, or you don’t.  It really is that simple. “ Said Cullen, head hung low.

Having said what he wanted to say Cullen turned to leave. It didn’t look like Fenris was going to say anything any time soon. It was probably best Cullen returned to his quarters and rest. 

“Wait! Where are you going?” Fenris suddenly exclaimed, but still did not move.

Without looking back Cullen answered.

“I’m exhausted, Fen. I’m going to my office to get some rest. If you decide that trying to repair our friendship is something you want to do, you know where to find me. I just…can’t right now.”

Cullen continued to walk away. As soon as he’d taken the first step Fenris spoke, his voice shaky but loud enough to hear.

“You said you would show me how wrong Hawke was. Does that offer still stand?”

_What? Oh…_

“So I did.” He said, finally turning to face him. “Of course it does.”

“Then, I expect you here tonight for dinner as usual. After, you will continue in your instructions.” Fenris stated simply. The tone of voice and expression he wore gave nothing away, but the way the elf shifted on his feet told Cullen that Fenris was nervous.

Cullen gave Fenris a reassuring smile.

“If that is your wish.”

“It is.”

Cullen nodded and finally walked down the stairs out of Fenris quarters.

_It’s not exactly what I wish…But Maker, I’ll take it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it guys :D 
> 
> The next chapter is going to be considerably longer than any so far and is proving to be a little hard to get right, so I'm sorry but i doubt there will be another update now until next week. I promise it will be worth it tho :D ... or I hope so at least ;P
> 
> Thankies for reading guys!


	15. Gods in the Moonlight *nsfw (second half)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen has no clue what he's doing.... Neither do I tbh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, we have smut. I'm so sorry, I did try my best but smut is not my forte. Hope you enjoy it! ...if you are not into that sort of thing, scroll down to the notes for a quick rundown of what happened this chapter without the smuttiness.

Cullen blinked in the darkness, not yet fully awake. Rubbing his eyes, he wondered why it was so dark. Confusion morphed into panic as he realised he’d overslept.

_Fenris..._

Panicking, he jumped off the bed, put on his boots, slid down the ladder and ran out into the night.

Earlier, when Cullen returned to his quarters, the beginnings of the headache he’d had when he was speaking with Fenris developed into a full blown migraine. Unable to concentrate, he thought it better to sleep for a few hours before going to meet Fenris for dinner. He divested himself of his armour, bathed quickly, donned his sleeping garments and went to bed...In hindsight, perhaps he should have asked someone to wake him up an hour before the sun set.

Cullen noted the position of the moon as he ran across the courtyard. It was well past midnight. Maker, of all days to have overslept....

_No, no, no, no._

Gasping for breath, he sprinted though the main hall, up the stairs and into Fenris’ room.

It was empty.

_Shit, shit, shit._

Cullen stepped out into the balcony where the table was still set and two plates of food sat untouched.

_This is not good..._

“He thinks you changed your mind. I tried to tell him you didn’t, but he wouldn’t listen to me. His hurt was too loud.” Cole said from the shadows.

“Andraste’s ass, Cole! What...”

Cullen took a deep breath trying to calm the beating of his heart.

“Never mind that isn’t important.” Cullen said, his breathing slowing now. “Where is he? Maker, he’ll be furious with me.”

“He’s not angry at you. He’s angry at himself.” Cole said, stepping out from the shadows. “Waiting, hopeful, why does he not come? I am a fool. Everyone lies, why would he be any different? I should have known better.”

_No, no, no, no._

“Cole, do you know where he is. I have to find him.” Cullen pleaded.

“Yes.” Cole said simply. “He’s at the training yard. He needed to hit things.”

Without another word Cullen ran out of the room toward the training yard. He was thankful that it was late enough that most people would be sleeping. He could only imagine what an Orlesian nobles would think if they saw the Commander of the Inquisition, running about Skyhold in the middle of the night in his nightclothes.

As he ran, Cullen could just about make out the faint green glow of Fenris’ markings in the distant darkness. He slowed as he approached, coming to a full stop just at the entrance to the training ring.

_Sweet Maker above..._

Cullen caught his breath as he watched Fenris wield the massive broadsword that was the warrior’s weapon of choice, swinging it around as if it weighed no more than a dagger. Cullen started when he realised that Fenris wore nothing but a pair of black leather pants, chest bare and brandings pulsing faintly. The elf’s white shirt lay carelessly crumpled on the ground at Cullen’s feet. A fine sheen of sweat covered Fenris’ torso as he swung the sword in an arc, leaping through the air as if gravity didn’t exist.

He brought the sword down hard, embedding the tip into the ground as he rolled away from it in a crouch. Hair white as the snow peaked mountain stood out in sharp contrast to the elf’s flawless tanned skin. Still in a crouch, Fenris raised his head, his eyes widening when he saw Cullen. Fenris’ head tilted sideways in suspicion as he regarded the Commander.

Cullen simply stood there, mouth agape as he looked upon the magnificent warrior before him.  

“What are you doing here?” Fenris asked, suspicion and hurt clearly evident in his features.

Cullen quickly came back to his senses at Fenris’ taciturn tone.

“Fenris, I’m so sorry. I swear, I fully intended to attend dinner as we arranged, but my headache got worse so I thought I’d take a nap before going to you this evening and...ah...I overslept. I just, I’m so sorry.” Cullen rambled, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, eyes pleading.  “Am I too late?”

Fenris stood from the crouch, a hint of a smile on his lips. It was almost imperceptible and so fleeting that Cullen briefly wondered if he’d imagined it as his heart beat loudly in his chest.

“You are.” Fenris answered, coming to a stop a few steps before the Commander.

Cullen felt his heart drop, the hope he felt only a moment ago all but gone.

“I do not eat this late.” Fenris smirked. “But perhaps, you could assist me? I find the training dummies lack skill in combat. I would much prefer a sparring partner that will offer at least somewhat of a challenge.”

Cullen blinked stupidly for a moment.

_Wait, is he...teasing me?_

Cullen gave Fenris a half smile, the scar on his lip rising slightly.

“Oh? _Somewhat_ of a challenge is it?” Cullen said in amusement.

“I promise I will not hurt you.” Fenris teased further, emerald eyes glinting in the moonlight.

Cullen laughed as he walked past Fenris and into the ring.

“I promise not to hurt _you.”_ Cullen replied in amusement.

Fenris followed Cullen into the ring and retrieved his sword, sheathing the massive weapon and placing it on the weapon rack to the side. He then removed two, one-handed training swords from the rack and gave them an experimental swipe as Cullen walked up next to Fenris and chose a one handed sword and shield for his off hand.

Both now satisfied with their chosen weapons, they moved toward the middle of the yard, circling each other.

“You’re sure about this.” Cullen said, bringing up the shield in front of his body. “I will not hold back.”

Fenris markings pulsed faintly as he spun both swords in a swift arc simultaneously at his sides.

“I’m depending on it.” He smirked.

_Maker, that bloody smirk is going to get me killed…_

Without warning Fenris advanced as Cullen brought up his shield and blocked the strike at the very last moment, the dull thud of wood against metal echoing in the stillness of night.  Fenris continued on the offensive whilst Cullen blocked every attack, neither gaining the advantage.  They continued for what seemed to Cullen like an eternity, his breathing laboured and muscles aching.

Cullen’s baggy sleeping shirt caught on metal edges of his shield, almost impeding his ability to block a particularly strong attack, the vibrations of the hit travelling up along his arm to his shoulder. In irritation, Cullen called a temporary halt to their sparring and removed the blighted shirt hastily, chucking it on to the ground.

_Now I understand why Fenris decided to train shirtless._

The Commander then bent down to retrieve his shield and sword off the ground before standing once more, bashing the sword on the front of his shield loudly, taunting Fenris.

“Come on. Have at me!”

Fenris looked at Cullen with barely restrained longing in his eyes, breathing heavily and staring at the Commander’s bare chest unabashedly.

Cullen’s body began to respond involuntarily under the scrutiny, heat pooling in his gut and sending a jolt of desire directly to his groin.

_Oh...shit._

In an effort to hide his shame, Cullen brought up the shield in front of his body. Almost as if a spell had been broken, Fenris gaze snapped up to Cullen’s face instantly. Intense green eyes locked with amber and Cullen nearly forgot how to breathe.

Fenris looked almost ethereal in the moonlight. Hair impossibly white, brandings illuminating a perfectly toned body, every muscle clearly defined and rippling. Cullen had to stifle a groan that threatened to escape at the sight.

Had the Commander not believed so passionately in the Maker, he would fall to his knees right then and there and worship this Divine being that was Fenris. He looked every bit the ancient Elven God as he stood there, one of the Pantheon escaped from their prison and returned to Thedas.  

The sound of Fenris’ weapons dropping to the ground brought Cullen out of his reverie, his eyes darting momentarily down to the discarded swords for a moment before returning to the elf’s gaze. The Commander took a staggered breath, dropped his own weapons and relaxed the battle stance he’d been holding.

_Maker, give me strength._

Simultaneously they began to walk toward each other, stopping only when their bodies were inches apart, both breathing heavily. Tentatively, Cullen brought a hand up to Fenris’ face, slowly and with minimal movement. Almost as if the elf was a wild animal that might spook at any at any moment.

_Please, don’t run._  

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Fenris thought his heart was going to beat right out of his chest as Cullen’s knuckles lightly brushed over his cheek, trailing down to his chin. The Commander’s thumb gently caressed over Fenris’ bottom lip and his breath hitched at the sensation of callused fingers on soft skin.

_He looks at my lips, not the markings, not the lyrium..._

Could it be possible that Cullen truly wanted him? The words, the passion with which the Commander spoke earlier left little doubt that Cullen meant what he said, but some doubt remained. And now Cullen stood before him… touching him. Everything Fenris wanted, his for the taking.

Yet even then, it took all of Fenris will power to resist the urge to run...Survive

That one word had been his way of life for as long as he could remember. Everything Fenris did, _everything_ he’d ever done, was with this in mind. It went against Fenris’ very nature not to run now...

Could he really let Cullen in? Let him see who he truly was? What if Cullen didn’t like what he saw?  If Cullen left him once Fenris truly let him in, he would never _EVER_ be able to survive the loss.

Cullen’s other hand slowly lifted to Fenris throat, his fingertips lightly trailing down and across his collar bone. The action brought Fenris back to the present and away from his brooding thoughts. A soft moan escaped Fenris’ lips at the touch, his eyes fluttering closed momentarily.

“Tell me to go and I shall.” Cullen said, his voice rough.

Fenris felt panic in his gut at the thought of Cullen stopping. All his earlier brooding was forgotten in an instant as he realised that he wished Cullen never stopped. He _wanted_ this, wanted Cullen...He didn’t want _just_ to survive anymore. He wanted to _live._

“No.” Fenris replied as he raised his own hands to Cullen’s hips and gripped him loosely, lyrium lined thumbs gently trailing down along the Commander’s hip bone.

Cullen moaned and Fenris felt warm breath on his face as the Commander lowered his forehead to rest against Fenris’. Slowly…ever so lightly, Cullen caressed up Fenris’ throat, back along the nape of his neck and continued until he threaded his fingers into Fenris’ hair, cupping the back of the elf’s head.

Fenris pulled Cullen’s hips towards him in response until they were flush against each other, bare chest touching bare chest. Finally... _finally_ , Cullen closed the last bit of space between them as he brought his lips to Fenris’ and kissed him softly. Their lips parted almost at the same time, their tongues darting out to meet each other in tandem.

Fenris tilted his head sideways a little to allow better access, kissing Cullen more confidently. The kiss was languid, slow and it took Fenris’ breath away with its gentle intensity.

Too soon…much too soon it was over. Cullen pulled back, breath shaky as he swallowed hard.

“That was...”

“It was...” answered Fenris, his own breath coming in shaky exhales as well.

Reluctantly, Cullen stepped back with a final caress of the elf’s cheek.

“I think perhaps it’s time to retire for the evening. I really don’t think I can return to training after that and I really don’t want to push my luck.” Cullen said with a nervous chuckle.

“If you were so inclined, we could retire to my quarters if…you…ah” Fenris’ stammered, looking for the words.

Cullen’s face looked panicked for a moment as he realised what Fenris wanted to ask.

“If you do not want to...” Fenris quickly added as he looked on his friend’s anxious expression.

“No!...no, Fen. I...ah...it’s not that I don’t want to, I do… Maker, I do.” Cullen said, ardently. “But, I don’t know what you’re expecting. I mean, yes I probably do. I just don’t know how far I can...I’ve never...Maker, this is embarrassing.” Cullen stepped back completely and looked away rubbing the back of his neck.

“You have never been with a man.” Fenris said simply, understanding dawning on his face.

“I have never been with _anyone_ , Fen.” Cullen said with a sigh, gaze still looking away.

Cullen’s words from earlier that day rushed back to Fenris’ mind.

_“I was raised by the Chantry since I was thirteen. I...I’ve never had to deal with...I never had the chance. I have no idea how I’m supposed to act.”_

Fenris’ expression softened in understanding. Never?... Of course Cullen was worried, if he’d never…

“I understand your apprehension. “ Fenris said as he walked back toward his Commander and placed a curled knuckle under his chin, gently nudging the man’s face up so that he could look into his amber eyes. “If we are to voice our reservations then perhaps you should know that I have never been with anyone of my choosing. It is not the same, but I understand some of what you are feeling.

“If you are willing to trust me, I would still have you join me tonight. I will not press you to do anything that you are not ready for, Cullen.  I simply wish to have you near, to feel your touch and touch you in return. Are you able to give me that?”

Cullen smiled, his scar raising temptingly as he did so.

“Yes. I can give you that.” He answered, the worry from a moment ago gone.

Wordlessly, they retrieved their discarded shirts and made their way to Fenris’ room in companionable silence.  When they arrived at the door to Fenris’ quarters, the elf paused.

“You are sure?” Asked Fenris without turning around, a hand on the door knob. “I do not wish for you to feel pressured.”

Fenris felt a pair of warm hands on his hips, warm breath on the tip of his ear as Cullen lowered his head and kissed the elf’s neck.

“Does that answer your question?” Replied Cullen, as he placed another soft kiss a little lower.

Fenris eyes fluttered closed for a moment.

“Yes.” He answered breathlessly.

“Good.” Another soft press of lips, this time against his shoulder.

The gentleness drove Fenris crazy. He was not used to such care, such tenderness. Cullen’s hand left Fenris’ waist to join the elf’s hand still on the door knob and with soft pressure the Commander pushed down and opened the door.

He softly nudged Fenris forward through the archway and they walked inside. Necessity required them to step away from each other as they made their way up the steps and the elf found that he instantly missed the feel of his Cullen’s body at his back.

As they fully entered the room, Fenris glanced at his bed directly in front of them longingly. How he wanted to lay in it wrapped around his Commander. With a grimace Fenris realised that it would have to wait as they were both still dirty from training.

“I fear we are both…ah soiled from the physical activity. Do you wish to bathe first?” Fenris asked, indicating toward the back room where the tub was.

“No. Thank you. It’s your room. You should go first but um…I didn’t bring a change of clothes. Maybe I should return to my office whilst you wash and…”

“There is no need; I have breeches you can use.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow at Fenris quizzically and the elf chuckled.

“I am aware that you are larger than I am, Cullen. However, it would appear that the servants are not. It is the reason why all my sleeping shirts fit me ridiculously.” Said Fenris, clearly irritated at the memory. “Had I known that all I would be supplied with were clothes two sizes too big, I would have purchased clothes myself the last time I was near Val Royauex.”

The nervous tension all but dissipated as Cullen laughed boisterously.

“I’m sorry. It isn’t funny.” He said as Fenris blinked unamused. “Well, no that’s not true it is a little bit funny. Just the thought of your expression every time the servant’s brought you new clothes that you could not wear…I apologise, ignore me. I don’t know why I can’t stop laughing.” Cullen finished, “Just, you go bathe first.”

Fenris lips twitched upwards in a sly smile.

“You are a strange man, Cullen _Stanton_ Rutherford.”

Cullen stopped laughing almost immediately.

“Wait, who told you my middle name?”

Fenris continued to smirk but did not answer.

“It was Varric, wasn’t it? I will kill that dwarf.”

Fenris smirked even wider.

“I will only take a moment.” Said Fenris as he walked toward the chest of drawers and removed a clean pair of breeches for himself and one of the larger, Inquisition provided ones for Cullen.

Placing Cullen’s on the bed, Fenris entered the back room and proceeded to wash off the night’s grime and dirt. True to his word, he returned before long. Clean and wearing a pair of tight black sleeping pants, his hair damp from the bath.

“I suppose it’s my turn.” Cullen stated from where he sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed.

“It is.” Fenris smiled reassuringly.

Cullen stood, grabbed the breeches that Fenris provided and walked toward the back room.

Fenris was unsure whether he should wait for Cullen laying on the bed or standing. Perhaps sitting would be best?

_Fasta Vass! You must appear more confident than this when he returns or he WILL run away…possibly laughing at your ineptness…_

He opted to lay on the bed, back against the headboard in a sitting position. Surely that was a good enough compromise.

Fenris sighed, once again second guessing his decision. He was not used to this. There was no question this was what he wanted.  Fenris wanted to touch him, look into Cullen’s eyes as he came undone at Fenris’ touch. Most of all, he wanted the intimacy of sharing his bed with Cullen. For anyone else, it might seem trivial, but for Fenris it was a powerfully symbolic show of trust.

Yes, he’d shared many tents with many people on his travels. Hawke, Varric, Sebastian…even the blasted mage Anders, but he’d never before shared an actual bed with anyone. Not even his old master. Danarius always had him sleep at the foot of the bed after…

“Ah…” Cullen said, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.

Fenris eyes darted up to look into Cullen’s amber ones.

“Maker, this is awkward.” Cullen laughed nervously. “Should I …ah…” he pointed at the bed.

Fenris hid the nerves better than Cullen did, but it was reassuring to note that they were as nervous as each other. The thought helped Fenris relax and his posture seem less tense.

“It would please me immensely if you did.” Fenris answered, watching as Cullen nervously walked to the bed and lay down mimicking Fenris pose, albeit much tenser.

“Perhaps we are overthinking this.” Fenris said, turning his head to face Cullen.

“I think maybe you’re right. Maker, I have no idea what I’m doing.” Cullen answered as his posture relaxed a little and he rubbed a palm against his face.

“Then I suggest.” Fenris replied with a smirk. “That we do not think.”

Before Cullen answered (or he lost his nerve), Fenris turned and straddled Cullen’s lap. Cullen inhaled sharply as Fenris lowered himself down onto the Commander and the elf felt Cullen’s very real, very noticeable bulge against his rear. 

Fenris was not able to stifle the groan of pleasure at the contact either as his own body began to respond to the closeness.

“Fuck…” Cullen said on an exhale, his hands gripping Fenris hips with almost bruising force.

“No.” Fenris said as he placed one hand on the Commander’s shoulder and the other hand flush against Cullen’s chest, “Eventually…but not tonight.”

Cullen grunted deep in his throat at the words.

“Maker’s Breath, Fen. You have no idea what you do to me.”

Fenris lowered his head and kissed Cullen’s cheek, the stubble felt prickly against his lips. It was not an unpleasant sensation.

“I believe I may have some idea.” Fenris whispered into the Commander’s ear as he rolled his hips pointedly.

Cullen’s head fell back against the headboard with a soft thump and Fenris took the opportunity to kiss down along the Commander’s neck. He kissed, and gently bit at the skin as the hand on Cullen’s chest began to travel lower. The elf savoured the feel of every well-defined muscle on the way down, his fingers trailing though the dusting of soft hair that started just under Cullen’s navel and continued on below his waist band. 

Fenris hooked a finger lightly into Cullen’s waist band, eliciting a satisfactory gasp from the Commander. Slowly he leant forwards and chastely kissed Cullen’s lips.

“Do you wish me to stop?” He asked, lips resting lightly against the Commander’s.

“No.” Cullen answered, kissing him back more passionately. “Please, don’t stop.”

Fenris smirked against Cullen’s lips as he shifted his hips back until he sat on the Commander’s thighs. Slowly, teasingly, he undid the buttons of Cullen’s breeches one by one. Kissing the Commander much more sensually, he freed Cullen from the confines of the breeches and wrapped his hand firmly around him.

Fenris swallowed up Cullen’s moans of pleasure with the kiss as he began to stroke him slowly and deliberately.

Fenris wanted nothing more than for Cullen to enjoy this; he wanted to hear the sounds Cullen made at the pleasure that Fenris gave him, feel his body respond to his touch. He wanted it all.

Although Fenris’ experience in this area had never been out of his own choice, it did not detract from the fact that the elf knew what he was doing. He knew exactly what to do to bring the maximum amount of pleasure, and he wanted to do this for Cullen. For his brave, loyal friend who had never had anything like this done to him before.

Stroking faster, listening to the sounds Cullen was making, feeling the heat pool deep in his gut and travel down to his own arousal, Fenris finally understood. He understood why it was even more satisfying giving pleasure to someone you cared about, someone you…

“Fen, please…you…” Cullen said breathlessly amid moans.

“Hush.” Fenris said, trying to make sense of the emotion he was feeling.

“Please…”

He could not deny Cullen what he asked when he pleaded him so beautifully. With his free hand he unbuttoned his own breeches and freed his own arousal.

“Give me your hand.”

Cullen released Fenris’ hip and the elf guided the Commander’s hand toward his own arousal. He interlaced their fingers together as he gently aided Cullen’s hand around his length, moaning wantonly as he helped Cullen stroke up gently and then back down.  Once he felt Cullen was confident enough, he let go and continued his ministrations on the Commander.

All the while they kissed, their tongues withdrawing and advancing like a practiced dance. Their lips plump and full from the repeated onslaught. Tasting, touching, hands roaming over skin. The timing of their strokes quickened. Stifled moans, gasps and mumbled words the only sounds in the stillness of the night.  Together they climbed higher and higher, as they pushed each other closer and closer to the edge.

_Fuck…_

Fenris felt his stomach tighten, his climax was close.

“Fen, I can’t - ” Cullen said as he bucked his hips involuntarily.

“Don’t hold back.” Fenris said panting, amid his own rising need. “Let me hear you. I _need_ to see you come for me, Cullen.”

At the words Cullen let out a loud yell that was more of a roar as he spilt himself over Fenris’ hand. At the sound of his Commander coming undone with pleasure, Fenris crashed over the edge of his own climax mere seconds later.

Fenris gave Cullen a few more languid strokes as they kissed breathlessly, Cullen gripping Fenris throat loosely.

“Maker, Fen,” Cullen said as his breathing slowed.

“I know.” Fenris answered with a smile as he kissed Cullen one more time before rolling off him and out of bed.

“Wait, where..”

“Relax Cullen, I am getting you a washcloth.” Fenris interjected and the gentle tone of his voice sounded almost alien to his ears. Still, he could not find it in him to care about sounding soft or weak. This was Cullen he was with after all.

Fenris walked to the backroom and retrieved a washcloth. He cleaned himself up and buttoned his breeches before returning to Cullen (who was now laying flat on his back) and offering him the washcloth. Cullen took it and cleaned himself swiftly.

“Ah…Do you want me to leave or?” Cullen asked, uncertainty clearly showing in his eyes.

Fenris lay down next to Cullen on his side, and cupped Cullen’s cheek. He stretched his neck and kissed Cullen softly before resting his head on the Commander’s shoulder and draping an arm over his abdomen. In response, Cullen wrapped an arm around the elf and pulled him close, their legs intertwining. It was not unlike the position they found themselves in not that long ago on that fateful morning.

“Does that answer your question?” Fenris asked, placing a kiss on Cullen’s chest as he smirked against the skin.

Cullen chuckled.

“Perfectly.” He answered kissing the top of Fenris’ head. “Goodnight Fen.”

“Goodnight”… _Amatus_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! please feel free to leave me any comments. I love reading them :D 
> 
> for those of you that skipped it here's a quick rundown.
> 
> Cullen : Fuck i missed dinner cos I over slept, better get to fenris room asap.  
> Cole: Sorry dude you missed him, he's at the training ground. *spooky hiding in shadows shit*  
> *Runs to training ground.*  
> Cullen: Damn dude, you're hot.  
> Fenris: Thanks, wanna come to my room and fool around?  
> Cullen: I dunno dude.  
> Fenris: Please *puppy eyes*  
> Cullen: Oh alright then.  
> Fenris:Yay!  
> Cullen: Yay!  
> *High five*  
> *fade to black*  
> ....sometime later....  
> Cullen: That was fun, can I stay?  
> Fenris: Sure...  
> Cullen: Score!
> 
> *Shit I think I love smitey smite noodle head, ah well, nite nite time.*
> 
> zzzzzzzzzzz.
> 
> Thank you SO much to Six_Lily_Petals for the beautiful Fan art! Please pop over to the link below and have a look at it, it's awesome! 
> 
> http://sixlilypetals.deviantart.com/art/Cullen-Fenris2-549426792#comments


	16. Declarations and Propositions nsfw*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part one fluffy smutt. part two , Rivani and sparkler meet :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes well... this happened. It's the most... descriptive smutt I've ever written so please be gentle...Plus it's been a real nightmare to write this week. All of a sudden I'm very popular -.- I don't like it.
> 
> Also, I'm really nervous especially since I didn't want to bother Mithy whilst shes on vacation with my smutty chapter for her to proof read lol ...which reminds me, sorry if there's any errors. 
> 
> So yes, m/m sexy times ahead. Skip to the third part if you're not into it and if you are you should prolly savor it because we wont be having such detailed smut for a while because plot and stuff ;P I should probably get back to that really, I think... shouldn't I? I dunno. but yes. also Fluffiness!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Fenris woke to gentle kisses on the side of his neck, a warm body pressed against his back and strong arms holding him.  He smiled to himself as he arched his neck to allow Cullen better access.  The Commander placed wet kisses down his neck and across his shoulder.  Cullen’s arm wrapped around Fenris’ waist as his hand caressed over the elf’s abdomen.

“Good morning.” Cullen said in a low voice, his lips against Fenris’ shoulder.

“It is now.” Fenris’ answered, pushing himself further back against Cullen.

Cullen let out a low moan as Fenris hand covered his own. He guided Cullen’s hand lower over his arousal, groaning at the contact. It was not enough, Fenris needed more. He needed to feel his Commander’s skin against his own.

“You are wearing too many clothes.”

Cullen chuckled,

“I’m only wearing breeches, Fen.”

“I know.”

Cullen faltered momentarily. The implication of Fenris’ words left unsaid, but no less clear.

_Kaffas, I should not press him. He is not ready._

Fenris heart beat hard in his chest. He was about to apologise when Cullen spoke.

“By that logic, you are also wearing far too much clothing.”

Without saying a word, Fenris undid his breeches and pulled them off, albeit with a little bit of difficulty. (He did prefer tight clothing so as not to irritate his markings, after all.)

“You are _still_ wearing too many clothes and your earlier statement is now a moot point Commander.” Fenris smirked, as he turned to face Cullen.

“Ah…”Cullen swallowed thickly. His gaze fixed securely on Fenris’ manhood with unrestrained longing in his eyes. “Maker Fen, you’re beautiful.”

Fenris felt warmth creep up his cheeks to the tip of his ears. He still couldn’t believe that Cullen found his form pleasing. Attempting to cover up his embarrassment, Fenris placed his hands on the Commander’s shoulders and pushed him onto the bed, flat on his back.

“Too slow.” He teased. “I see I am going to have to move this along if we are ever going to make it to breakfast at a reasonable hour.”

Fenris knelt on the bed next to Cullen, his hands deftly and expertly working to divest the Commander of his breeches. Unceremoniously, Fenris pulled the offending piece of clothing off and chucked them on the floor.

Cullen laughed. Whether from nerves or at the elf’s impatience, Fenris’ wasn’t sure.

“Someone’s eager.” Cullen said, colour painting his cheeks.

“You cannot begin to understand how long I have wanted to do this.” Fenris replied as he settled himself between the Commander’s thighs and gripped him firmly, stroking slowly.

Cullen moaned, his eyes fluttering closed as Fenris lowered his head to the Commander’s abs and kissed him sensually, the slow languid strokes on Cullen’s arousal never faltering.

Cullen’s hand thread into Fenris’ hair as the elf continued kissing, licking and nipping lower and lower.

“Fen wha…Fuck!” Cullen exclaimed when Fenris took him in his mouth.

Fenris hadn’t thought Cullen’s murmurs of pleasure could get much more sinfully delicious than last night. He was wrong. Cullen’s breath became laboured as Fenris used every trick he’d ever learned on his Commander. Cullen moaned wantonly and bucked his hips as Fenris worked him, the Commander’s grip on his hair almost painful. Fenris didn’t care; in fact it excited him further.

The sounds, the restrained force with which Cullen bucked his hips, the taste…it was too much.  Fenris wanted…

“Fen…”Cullen said amid breathless pants. ‘Please…I want…”

Fenris glanced up as he withdrew the Commander from his mouth..

“Tell me what do you want, Cullen?” He asked, voice rough.

“You. I _need_ you”

Fenris studied Cullen’s expression.

_He wants to take me?_

“I need you to be clear.” Fenris said as he sat back on his haunches and regarded the Commander seriously. “I will not have you do something you do not truly wish to do, simply because you think you must. There is no rush. This is enough.”

Cullen sat up, reaching for Fenris neck and pulled the elf toward him. Gently resting his forehead against Fenris’. The Commanders shaky breath ghosted over Fenris’ lips, making the elf shudder in excitement.

“I want this, Fen. I want as much of you as you are willing to give. I want to know what you feel like, know how we fit together…I want _you_.” Cullen assured as he kissed Fenris lightly.

Fenris had been taken many times before, it had never been a pleasant experience. Even in the rare instance that he was prepared beforehand, it was uncomfortable at best. Still, he was no fool. He knew the way Danarius violated him was in no way indicative of how it would be with Cullen.

If the noises he’d heard coming from Hawke and Anders’ tent when they camped out on the wounded coast were any indication, the experience of being with someone you cared about as opposed to someone you loathed were obviously vastly different.  Still, he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t at least a little apprehensive.

As if sensing Fenris internal conflict Cullen suddenly stilled.

“I’m sorry, I…Maker, Fen. I didn’t think.” Cullen said worry evident on his features. “You’re right. This is enough.”

The concern on Cullen’s face melted Fenris’ heart and the elf realised surprisingly, that he wanted Cullen to take him.

Too long had Danarius tainted everything that could have been great in Fenris’ life. Too long he’d let his past determine what he should and should not do. Danarius was dead. Rotting in the earth in an unmarked grave somewhere on the wounded coast. The man was nothing more than an unpleasant memory.

Fenris would be damned if he was about to allow a memory deny him the one thing he wanted above all else.

Fenris kissed Cullen deeply, heat pooling in his belly and his arousal hard between his thighs.

“Lay back down Commander, we are not finished.” Fenris teased.

At the elf’s playful tone, Cullen relaxed and did as instructed. The Commander let his head fall back against the pillow as he lay back down, eyes involuntarily closing at Fenris’ renewed attentions.

The Commanders eyes remained closed as Fenris licked two lyrium etched fingers and reached behind to prepare himself. Ideally he would have used oil, but when necessity calls one makes do with what there is. After all, Fenris was no stranger to being taken with less.

Fenris moaned around Cullen’s length as he worked both himself and his Commander, Cullen still oblivious to everything except Fenris’ warm and inviting mouth.

The Commander’s breathing quickened and Fenris sharply pulled away. It would not for Cullen to finish before they had truly started.

“What…what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Cullen asked breathlessly, worry evident in his tone.

Fenris smirked.

\-------------------------------------------------

Cullen’s lust induced brain couldn’t understand what was happening. The feel of Fenris mouth around him was the most incredible feeling he’d ever experienced.

But then Fenris pulled away… leaving him cold and wanting.

_Maybe he’s changed his mind…_

Cullen’s heart dropped at the thought.

_Maker, I am such a fool. I should never have pushed him…_

“I’m sorry Fen, I shoul…wait, what are you do…” Fenris crawled up Cullen’s body like a predator stalking its prey.

Still smirking, Fenris kissed Cullen and placed a knee on either side of the Commander’s hips, effectively straddling him.

“Hush, Cullen. You worry too much.” Fenris whispered against Cullen’s lips as the Ex-Templar gripped the elf’s hips firmly.

Slowly, Fenris reached behind him taking the Commander in hand as he raised himself on his knees slightly, positioning Cullen’s tip at his entrance.

“Fen…” Cullen pleaded, unsure even what he was pleading for.

Cullen was impossibly hard at the erotic sight before him. Fenris looked the epitome of sensuality as the elf gently, and ever so slowly lowered himself onto the Commander’s length.

Cullen’s breath hitched at the sensation.

“Fuck…”

“Cullen…”Fenris said in a whisper when he was fully sheathed, head lolling back, silky white hair temptingly draped over the elf’s face in delicious disarray.

Fenris stilled, adjusting to Cullen’s girth, panting slightly. It took all of the Commander’s will power not to buck his hips and remain motionless. Moments that felt like an eternity passed before Fenris experimentally rolled his hips.

The moan that escaped Cullen’s lips was pure desire. Intense, white hot need filled his entire being as Fenris set a slow pace. The elf rolled his hips, lifting himself up almost imperceptibly before lowering back down.

Emerald green eyes met amber in an intense, emotionally charged gaze.

_Maker preserve me…_

Fenris lowered his head and kissed Cullen as he moved faster, more confidently with each roll of the hips. Every movement a deliberate and measured act to elicit maximum pleasure.  Fenris absolutely knew what he was doing.

Cullen caressed up the elf’s back, feeling strong muscles tense under lyrium etched skin. He pulled Fenris closer until the elf’s arousal rubbed slickly between their sweat covered bodies causing Fenris to moan wantonly as he moved.

The sounds of unadulterated pleasure Fenris made brought Cullen closer and closer to the edge.

_Maker’s Breath…_

Cupping Fenris cheek Cullen whispered amid hard gasps and low groans.

“Fen…I can’t.. It’s too much..”

“It’s all right. I have you.” Replied Fenris as his hand covered the Commander’s.  

Gently, the elf pulled Cullen’s hand away from his face and interlaced their fingers together. He then stretched their arms high above Cullen’s head, pressing their entwined hands firmly against the mattress. Fenris’ other hand moved to thread into Cullen’s hair holding onto the nape of the Commander’s neck firmly. Fenris’ movements became erratic as they both moved faster toward their peak.

Cullen saw white as he inevitably crashed over the edge, squeezing Fenris’ hand so tightly the knuckles went white. 

 Cullen could not stop the words that escaped his lips.

“I love you, I love you...” He repeated over and over.

Fenris’ brands flared so brightly that the glow filled the entire room as the elf came with a stifled moan against Cullen’s shoulder, his whole body shaking.

 It took a while for Fenris to stop trembling as their breathing slowed, Cullen rubbing soothing circles against the elf’s back and Fenris Head resting against the Commander’s shoulder.

As sense returned Cullen realised with a start;

_I told him I loved him…Maker, he is going to run from me_

It wasn’t that the sentiment was untrue. It was. Cullen loved Fenris with every fibre of his being. Still, he worried (as Cullen was prone to do) that the revelation would scare the prickly elf away. It was too soon, too suddenly proclaimed. They’d only just slept together for Maker’s sake and already Cullen couldn’t keep his feelings to himself….

“Fen,” He said lifting a hand to Fenris neck, fingers curling around the back, gently guiding the elf to look at him. “I…ah…I’m sorry...”

Fenris looked up at his Commander.

“You regret this.” Said Fenris, voice cracking and eyes betraying his hurt.

“Maker no! Of course not… it’s just…what I said, I meant it but…” Cullen sighed as he caressed Fenris bottom lip with his thumb. “If you don’t want me to say it again I won’t… Just, please don’t run from me now. I don’t think I could bear it.” Cullen finished truthfully.

Fenris smiled reassuringly.

“I will not run.” He said as he kissed his Commander with a tenderness that took Cullen’s breath away. “I am not opposed hearing you say it again.”

“I love you, Fen.” Cullen said, smiling back.

“I am yours, Amatus.”

\-----------------------------------------------

“Awww Varric don’t be a spoilsport!” Isabella said as the dwarf forcefully pulled her away from the door to Fenris’ quarters. “I want to watch.”

“Of course you do Rivani. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind taking a peek myself. Purely for research purposes you understand. That shit would practically sell itself if I wrote it into my next serial.” He said chuckling.

“Then?” she said as she reluctantly followed Varric out into the main hall.

“Ah, well. I have this pesky thing called a conscience, not that you would know anything about that. Besides, Broody and Curly would have our heads mounted on spikes and displayed at Skyhold’s gates if we interrupted them mid-coitus. “

“Be still my beating heart...” Dorian said as he exited the door to the rotunda.  “Please tell me that I heard that correctly. Our Inquisitor finally took the strapping Commander to his bed? Bull owes me five royals.”

“No, no no sparkler. Get your ass back into that room and forget you heard anything.”

Dorian grinned mischievously.

“Now, now Varric, you know I can’t do that. This gossip is far too juicy to keep to oneself. Really, I’d be performing a public service. Raising moral and all that… Oh I can’t wait to rub this in Bull’s face.”

“Amongst other things.” Varric mumbled under his breath.

“Oh sweet Maker, no!  I‘m far too pretty to be broken, and I’m positively sure Bull would ruin me most thoroughly.” Dorian said.

Dorians words said one thing but his expression said something else entirely. Varric suspected that the Tevinter mage wouldn’t really mind being “ruined” by the Bull.

Seeing Isabella’s gaze on the mage, Varric said.

“Barking up the wrong tree with this one Rivani. Dorian, meet Captain...”

“Admiral.” She corrected.

“ _Admir_ al Isabella.”

Dorian  gave Isabeela the most charming smile he possessed.

“Welcome to the Inquisition dear lady. I have heard much about you from our resident storyteller here. I especially enjoyed the tale of “The mysteries of the Broody elf’s undergarments”.” He said as he took her hand and kissed the back of it as a knight would do to a noble lady.

“My, aren’t you welcoming.” Isabella smirked. “How about you join me later and I return the favour.”

Varric rolled his eyes and covered his face with his hand.

“Really Rivani?...I swear, I can’t take you anywhere…”

Dorian laughed amiably.

“Ah my lady you flatter me. Entirely deserved certainly, I am magnificent after all. But sadly for the entirety of your gender Varric is correct in saying that ‘you are barking up the wrong tree.’” Turning to Varric he added  “Elegantly put by the way, do remember that when you write me into your next book.”

Isabella sighed disappointedly.

“Pity.” She said regarding the Tevinter.

 

“However,” Dorian added. “Were I so inclined, please be assured that I would not hesitate to take you in a most manly fashion. For you, dear lady, are exquisite.”

Isabella laughed boisterously.

“I think you and I are going to be good friends Dorian.” She smiled happily. “Since sex with each other is off the cards, I suggest we go to the Tavern and drink ourselves into a stupor whilst I describe in detail the sounds Fenris and Cullen were making before Varric so rudely dragged me away.”  She said linking her arm with the Tevinter’s

Dorian looked positively like a child on Wintersday morning.

“I think I love you.” He said as he followed her out toward the Tavern.

“Everyone does eventually, sweet thing. I’m irresistible.”

As Varric watched Rivani and Sparkler walk away together, he quietly mumbled to himself.

“I think I just witnessed the creation of a monster…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blushes profusely.*
> 
> Yes, well... anyway.....
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it. Hugs to all and thank you for sticking with me so far. Onward to plot stuff......somewhere over that way--------------- >
> 
> Hugs!


	17. Shout it from the rooftops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone new comes to skyhold and Cullen and Dorian bond....sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooooooo sorry it's taken so long to update. I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter.... My muse decided to go on holiday apparantly. )
> 
> Here you go Six, have some Cullfen fluff (with a teeeeeeensy weeeeeensy bit of angst, that really cant even be called angst...teeeeeny weeny. itsy bitsy.

The moon was still visible in the sky as Zath’ael walked through the gates into Tarasyl’an Te’las. It had been Centuries since last he was here, yet the immutable fortress looked much the same as he remembered it. Zath’ael could feel the power inherent in the very walls and was comforted by the familiar lull of his people’s distinct brand of magic.

The ancient elf kept his head lowered as he ascended the stairs into the courtyard. He knew exactly where Fenris’ quarters would be. After all, they once belonged to him before Andruil cast him down from nobility and made him a slave.  He wondered briefly, how the room would look now. Once, they were the most opulent rooms in the entire fortress. He assumed that was still the case, yet nothing would be able to compare to Arlathan’s decadence.  

Zath’ael continued through the main hall. Servants were busying themselves setting up breakfast, large platters of fruits and cheeses were efficiently arranged on long lavish tables. Zath’ael supposed this must be where most of the Inquisition’s guests consumed their meals. (At least, if the finery in the hall was any indication.)

Onward he continued with barely a glance directed his way. The elf marvelled at their inobservance as he made his way through the hall. One would think that a cloaked figure very clearly making their way to the Inquisitor’s quarters would be enough to merit alarm or at the very least garner some sort of notice. There was much which required tending to in this Inquisition it seemed.

Zath’ael knocked once at the door and waited. There was no answer.

He repeated the action once more after a few minutes. Louder and more insistent this time.

“One moment!”

_Ah it would seem Fenris has only just awoken._

Zath’ael’s keen Elvhen hearing noted the sound of bare feet descending the stairs before the door opened hesitantly and a dishevelled looking Fenris answered.

“Zath’ael?…I was not expecting you to arrive so soon. “

The ancient elf inclined his head in greeting.

“Forgive the intrusion at such an early hour, Fenris. I was instructed by…Solas to speak only to you the moment I arrived. May I come in?”

Fenris seemed a little uncertain. The telling shuffle of the white haired elf’s feet betraying that Fenris was nervous.

“I… am not alone.” Fenris said, head rising proudly. As if daring Zath’ael to say something.

_Interesting.  One moment he has all the uncertainty of a slave and the next he has all the assuredness of a Leader. It is as if he does not know which he should be._

Zath’ael smiled knowingly and proposed a solution, for it seemed Fenris would not.

“Perhaps I could return to the main hall and break fast? You may send for me when you are prepared.”   

“That is acceptable.” As an afterthought Fenris added. “ I apologise for the delay.”

“There is no need to apologise. It was I who arrived unannounced. Return to your companion, Fenris. There will be plenty of time to…confer once we have both attended to immediate matters.”

Zath’ael bowed his head in respect before making his way back to the main hall. The journey to Skyhold had been tiresome, a rest and some nourishment was a welcome thought indeed.

\---------------------------------

Fenris dressed as the Commander watched on.

“I will gather your armour from your office and return here before I meet with Zath’ael.” Fenris said as he strapped on his breast plate.

“You could simply ask Varric or one of the others to retrieve it for me, Fen. I would not advise that you delay your meeting with this Zath’ael on my account.” Cullen advised and quickly added, whilst rubbing his neck nervously. “Ah…that is, unless you would rather no one knew about us.”

Fenris looked at Cullen seriously

“Do you believe that I am so ashamed of us that I would endeavour hide our involvement?” Fenris asked a little defensively.

“I…Truthfully no. But I… _doubt_. It is the way the Maker made me I suppose.” Cullen said as he regarded the elf.

“Are you?” Asked Fenris tentatively. “Do _you wish to hide it?”_

Cullen chuckled as he stood and walked towards the elf.

“I’m the one who suggested you ask Varric, love.” Cullen said as he placed his hands on the elf’s hips and pulled Fenris towards his (blessedly naked) form.” That by its very nature is not inductive of wanting to keep us a secret.”

_love…_

Fenris lips tugged at the corners and the elf smiled involuntarily.

“That…is true. Amatus.” Fenris said as he wrapped lyrium lined fingers around the back of Cullen’s neck and pulled the Commander down for a tender kiss. “If that is your wish, I will, ask Varric.”

Reluctantly Fenris moved away from his Commander and made his way toward the door, stopping at the top of the stairs. Turning back to face Cullen he asked;

“Should I expect you for dinner tonight?”

“Actually, I would like it if you joined me in my office. There is something I wish to show you. An hour after sundown? I’m afraid I have neglected my duties of late and I would like to catch up on some work first.”

“I…Yes. I would like that. Until later then, Amatus.”

Cullen smiled broadly.

“Until later, love.”

\--------------------------------------

Varric arrived with his armour about an hour after Fenris left.

“So you and Broody huh?” Varric said, grinning widely.

Suddenly Cullen regretted having asked Fenris to tell Varric to retrieve his armour.

_Maker, why did I think this was a good idea?_

Cullen felt the warmth in his cheeks and was certain he was blushing furiously.

“Yes.” Cullen said as he took his clothing out of the dwarf’s arms. “Ah relax, Curly. I’m happy for you. Broody’s a little rough around the edges but he’s a good guy. You’re good for each other.”

“Thank you, Varric.” Cullen said, genuinely touched by the dwarfs word’s.

“I’ll let you get dressed. Far be it from me to keep the Commander of the Inquisition from his duties…Although, maybe if I had white hair and pointy…”

“Varric…” Cullen warned.

“I’m going, I’m going.” Varric chuckled as he kept his word and left.

 

Cullen spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon reading reports and replying to mundane correspondence. Jim was truly trying his patience today.  Cullen considered briefly sending the eager recruit out on the field but quickly discarded the idea. The man was eager but was not the sharpest tool in the shed. Were Cullen to send him out on the field there was no chance Jim would return to Skyhold intact...or at all for that matter.

_Perhaps…No, I couldn’t do that… but…no._

Cullen put the idea firmly out of his head and left his office to meet Dorian for their weekly chess match. He made his way through the rotunda and out into the garden where the Tevinter sat, laid back on the chair waiting.

Waiting with an expression that could only be called impish.

_Oh dear, what now…he knows…OF COURSE he knows._

Cullen sighed dejectedly. News was bound to travel fast, he might as well accept the teasing with good grace.

“Ah, my dear Commander. I was worried! Are you aware that you are a whole ten minutes late?” Dorian teased. “That is so unlike you. I thought for certain some tragic accident must have befallen you.”

Cullen chuckled.

“Forgive my tardiness, Dorian. I was unavoidably detained. But I am here now, shall we begin or are you afraid I will humiliate you yet again?” He smirked.

Dorian laughed heartily.

“Are you sassing me, Commander?” Dorian said as he leant forward in the chair. “Well, let me just say that I would not be opposed entirely if you wished to humiliate me. Under the right circumstances, of course.” 

Cullen rolled his eyes. The first time Dorian flirt with Cullen, the Commander’s jaw nearly hit the floor in shock and embarrassment. It was weeks before Cullen accepted the fact that the Tevinter mage flirt with anything that breathed….and even some things that didn’t.

He’d actively avoided the mage for months but Dorian was nothing if not persistent. Eventually, Cullen agreed to meet the mage for a chess match and he’d never missed a game since.  It was an unlikely friendship they shared, but it was a friendship nevertheless.

“Ah, but wait.” Dorian said as he moved a pawn. “Perhaps, if I were a beautiful elf with soft white hair…”

Cullen sighed.

_Ah there it is._

“Varric already used that line, Dorian.” Cullen moved fielded one of his towers. “You’re losing your touch, mage”

“You wound me, Commander. You know perfectly well that is impossible. I am far too good to lose anything. It would be a tragedy were that unspeakable scenario to happen in any case. I assure you that my touch is exquisite. I could show you if you like.” Dorian smiled suggestively and waggled his eyebrows.

Cullen laughed.

“Only you Dorian.” Said the Commander, shaking his head in disbelief.

Dorian sacrificed a pawn to save a knight he’d put in play far too early.

“I am uniquely magnificent, Commander. It is both a blessing and a curse. There just isn’t enough of me to go round. Such a pity.”

They continued the game amiably. Cullen was satisfied that this game would be his in another 6 moves or so and he smiled smugly.

“Don’t look so smug, Commander. Your face might stick that way, you know.” Dorian huffed, aware that his options were not good. Then he grinned mischievously.

_Oh, shit._

“So, Commander. I was wondering. Which of you is the bottom?”

Cullen’s brows knit in confusion.

“I’m sorry? I’m not sure I follow…”

Dorian twirled one side of his marvellous moustache between thumb and forefinger.

“Oh you know, who’s the one that takes it?  You see I’m having a bit of trouble figuring out which one of you it is. The Inquisitor is so…deliciously Alpha male, you see. I can’t imagine he would relinquish control. But then again you are _SO_ good at giving orders, such a good Commander. Used to taking the lead, so…”

“Maker’s breath! Dorian!” Cullen exclaimed as he realised what it was that Dorian was asking. “That is NONE of your business!”

“Oh come on. We’re friends aren’t we? This is what friends do. I’ll tell you about my escapades, if it will put you at ease. Well, let me think. Oh yes! There was this one time with the son of Magister Elarius. Maker, that man was well endowed. You see he was a top, and really didn’t want to switch it up. I of course don’t mind, although I admit, I am partial to a good taking..,”

Cullen was up and out of his chair in a split second.

\-------------------------

“Sweet Andraste! Please, just stop.” Cullen said, blushing furiously.

“Oh?” Dorian said innocently. “Are you conceding? Does this mean I win?”

“Yes!” Cullen exclaimed. “I concede. I…ah…there are things... I need to go….right now.”

Cullen practically run across garden and out of sight. Dorian smiled in satisfaction as he proceeded to pack away the chess board and pieces.

“That was far too easy.” He chuckled. “ I wonder if the same tactic will work on Fenris.”

From the wall just above his head Cole answered.

“No. He wouldn’t lose on purpose. Fenris doesn’t get embarrassed, he gets angry. It would not end well for you.”

“Ah…well, good to know.”

_Mental note. Never ask specific questions about the gorgeous elf’s sex life. Although, maybe non specific ones…_

“No.” Cole said seriously, yet calmly.

Dorian sighed .

“Oh, Fine.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ye, I think they use "love" in Fereldan like they use "amatus in Tevinter. 
> 
> Also I'm British and we use love a lot ;)  
> Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and it shouldn't be as long between updates now hopefully.


	18. Practice and Questions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zath'ael speaks with Fenris and we see what Solas and Jessica are up to.

“Vhenan, you must concentrate.” Solas chided gently. “This is not a game. One mistake could potentially have dire consequences.”

Jessica was progressing well in learning to use her teleporting abilities at will. However, she was cursed with the concentration span of a week old fennec. For the past half hour, Solas noted that his mate was not paying the task the attention it required.

Jessica sighed deeply.

“Solas, we’ve been at this for five hours….count them.” She held up her fingers for emphasis. “FIVE. I know that you’re immortal and five hours is nothing to you but for me that’s a very long time to be teleporting from here.” She pointed at the floor where she stood. “To here.” She teleported five feet away.

Solas stared at her impassively and seemingly unmoved. But his heart skipped a beat at the reminder of Jessica’s mortality. He did not wish to be reminded of his mates (potential) death.

It was true that Jessica was unique amongst her race and yet invariably she was still a human. As such she shared a common trait with the entirety of her race…impatience in all things.

Granted, it was an impatience born out of necessity (for their lives were short), but it was impatience all the same. 

Solas felt as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders and truthfully it was. Not for the reason everyone expected however.

How was he supposed to save the people, redeem himself of all his wrongdoings and yet also save his mate?

 Save was perhaps too strong a word, for his plans were no danger to her. No… She was in the same peril as  was every race in living in Thedas presently but for his own… Mortality. 

_How can I possibly save her? I am not strong enough to grant her immortality on my own._

In any case now was not the time to worry over it. Regardless, should he fail in finding a way to grant her immortality, he would follow her willingly into the beyond. 

“Solas, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know you’re only trying to help. I’m just tired.”

Solas smiled kindly.

“Do not fret. It is I who must apologise. You are right, of course.” He said as he walked up towards her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Your mind is not trained as mine is to endure long periods of concentration and repetition. It was an oversight on my part. You are not at fault.”

Jessica giggled and Solas raised an eyebrow as they walked out of the gardens and into the temple.

“I will probably regret asking but, what is it that you find so amusing?”

Grabbing a hold of his hand Jessica laughed more confidently.

“You are, you condescending ass. Only you can apologise for screwing up and still have it sound like you’re tooting your own horn. I’m not sure if I should agree with you or be pissed that you pretty much just called me feeble minded.”

Solas kissed the top of her hair with a smirk, inhaling her sweet scent before he answered.

“There are a lot of things to say about your mind Vhenan, but feeble is not one of them.” 

“Good save.” She said leaning closer against his side (admittedly making it a little hard to walk) “Oh, Speaking of which, I was thinking.”

Solas chuckled.

“Of course you were.” Jessica would not be Jessica if she were not constantly overthinking everything. “Perhaps you could tell me what about exactly?”

Jessica looked up at him seriously, her eyes wary but Solas saw hope there aswell.

“Do you think maybe once I get this teleporting thing down, I could teleport to Skyhold? I mean, I did long distance once with Corypheus already. I could do it again right? With practice? It’s not that I’m not happy here, you know I am. It’s just that…well…”

“You miss them.” Solas stated matter-of-factly.

The question did not surprise him. In fact, it was one of the reason’s he’d been working with her so diligently since they had left the fortress in the Frostbacks. Solas was no fool and even if he hadn’t known his mate as well as he did, the bond between them was strong.

He could feel what she felt in a sense. From the moment they left Skyhold he noted a building sadness in Jessica. He could almost _feel_ her emotions they were so strong. Ironically, Jessica felt for Skyhold something that she never felt for her home world. She _yearned_ for it.

“It’s a possibility I was hoping for, since you ask.” Answered Solas with a reassuring squeeze of her hand. “With some practice and no small amount of lyrium, I see no reason why you should not be able to accomplish such a feat. I am not blind Jessica. I am fully aware how much you miss your friends, Cullen especially.

“Zath’ael will have arrived at Skyhold this morning. If you wish, tonight you and I shall walk the Fade together and speak with him. He will be able to show us how they fare. I know it is not the same as seeing them in the flesh, but it’s something at least.”  

“Can we do that?” She asked, surprised.

“Of course.”

Jessica visibly brightened up at the news.

“Yay!” she exclaimed grinning. “Oh! Remind me to ask him if Fenny finally jumped Cullen.”

Solas chuckled.

“Yes, Vhenan. I shall.”

\------------------------

“Fen’Harel makes little but notable progress on the eradication of the rifts which continue to appear.  He bid me tell you that you must have patience, it will take time, but he will succeed.” Zath’ael said as he and Fenris walked along the battlements.

Fenris made a disgruntled sound.

_Patience…Of course an Immortal Elvhen God would ask me to be patient._

Still, it was not as though he had any other choice. Patient was exactly what he would have to be.

“Did he specify how long exactly I would have to be patient for?”

Zath’ael’s shoulder length black hair flowed with the breeze. Fenris was still awed at the perfection of the ancient elf. The Tevinter had to lift his head to properly look into the Zath’ael’s eyes. With a mental smugness Fenris noted that he’d been right, Zath’ael was indeed taller than Cullen. The mage was easily a foot taller than the Commander and broader of shoulders than any elf Fenris had ever met, including Fen’Harel.

“You are staring again, Fenris.” Zath’ael said with a chuckle. “My offer to remove my tunic so that you may inspect me with more ease still stands if you wish it…and to answer your question, I’m sorry but he did not specify.”

Fenris felt warmth at the tip of his ears and was certain he was blushing furiously. The ancient elf was one of the most attractive men he’d ever seen, it was only natural to look. That was not why he was studying Zath’ael though and in any case Fenris only had eyes for Cullen.

His embarrassment quickly turned to annoyance. It did not sit well with him that he was misinterpreted. It angered him that Zath’ael might think that…

“Peace, Fenris.” Zath’ael said smiling kindly. “I do not think that you are looking upon me with lustful thoughts. It is twice now that you look at me so, and whilst I see admiration in the look it is not a licentious gaze. It does not take a seer to note that you are curious about the similarities and differences between an elf of this age and those of mine.”

Fenris blinked, his anger dissipating. He’d forgotten how astute and observant Zath’ael was…even if the ancient elf was a mage, Zath’ael admirably was not one to jump to conclusions.

“I…thank you for the offer but I do not think that my…”

_What do I call Cullen? My lover? My partner?_

Fenris struggled for the words.

“Ah. Of course. Forgive me, I forget that your ways are not our ways. My people’s sense of propriety is less…restrictive. You are right, your paramour would not approve of such an offer.”

_Paramour… That sounds…ridiculous…_

Still, he was not about to argue.

“Ah no, Cullen would most definitely not approve.”

Zath’ael raised his eyebrows.

“Would that be Jessica’s cousin Cullen? The Commander of the Inquisition’s forces?”

Fenris turned to face the ancient elf, lifting his head defiantly to glare at the Mage.

_Fen’hedis why must he be so tall?_

“Is there a problem, _Mage_?”

Zath’ael placed a hand on Fenris’ shoulder causing the Tevinter to flinch, but Fenris stood his ground.

“I was merely asking, Fenris. There is no need to be defensive in your response. I am glad that you have found someone to share the burden of your position and even more so that it is someone that knows what the weight of leadership entails.”  

_Ah…._

That was not the answer he was expecting.

“You are right. Forgive me.”

Zath’ael squeezed Fenris shoulder briefly before releasing him.

“It is no matter. Come, perhaps you would like to show me the rest of your fortress before you show me to my quarters? Then you can decide what it is you wish me to do whilst I am here. I am a very capable healer as you well know. I would like to make myself useful to the Inquisition in more than simply being a glorified raven between you and Fen’Harel. I am also an accomplished battlemage should you prefer to make use of those talents instead.”

Fenris chuckled and quickly covered it up with a cough.

“I am certain that there is not enough parchment in the whole of Skyhold to list all your skills Zath’ael. If you were amenable, I would ask that you serve as an advisor along with Cassandra, Josephine and Cullen. We are in need of a new Spy Master since Lelianna was made Divine. In time perhaps you can fill that position? I doubt you could do any worse than Varric.”

“That would explain why I was able to walk right up to your door with no one questioning me. I served a similar role in the rebellion. I believe I can be of help with this. With your permission I would request to shadow this Varric and assess the situation.”

Fenris sighed in relief. Varric had made it perfectly clear that he hated the role of Acting Spy Master. The dwarf was involved in too many endeavours to give himself fully over to the role of Spy Master and it showed.

Maybe, Zath’ael was a blessing in disguise. Originally, Fenris had been hesitant when Fen’Harel suggested that Zath’ael should come to Skyhold. Now though, Fenris couldn’t help but be grateful that Fen’Harel had the presence of mind to send Zath’ael. No doubt the God knew how lacking the Inquisition was in both security and information gathering since Lelianna’s departure.

“Very well.  Do you wish to see the gardens next?” asked Fenris.

“If you like. Lead on.”

That was the thing though wasn’t it? ‘ _Lead on’_ as if it was that simple.

“I wouldn’t know how to ‘lead on’ if my life depended on it.” Fenris muttered under his breath as he walked on, not expecting Zath’ael to hear him.

“Then perhaps,” Zath’ael said as Fenris’ steps faltered. “You should lead as if _Cullen’s_ life depended on it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter guys. More of a catching up chapter really but I thought we needed to visit with Solas a little and see what exactly Zath'ael will be about whilst he's in Skyhold. (Hint, hes gonna be a big part of this. Because I have a thing for elves and I'm kinda obsessed with Zath'ael lol ) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please don't be shy, I don't bite. Feel free to leave me comments and feedback. I adore reading all your comments, they keep me writing :D Hugs!


	19. Dinners and recruits.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen finally tells Fenris that he no longer takes lyrium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooooooo soooooo sorry that its taken me forever to update. I had a lot of things on and honestly, Trespasser threw me for a loop. I worked through the plot stuff that Trespasser broke and we should be getting back on track now. Hope you enjoy it! Thank you all for sticking with me! you rock!

“Thank you, Mary. That will be all.”

The young serving girl curtseyed and hurried out of Cullen’s office.  A small dining table and two chairs had been set up in the middle of the room.  Two steaming hot plates of food sat on it already, waiting to be eaten.

_Fenris won’t be long now._

As if on cue, the door opened and the elf in question walked in.  Fenris took one look at the table and smiled that half smile that drove Cullen crazy.

_Maker, He is far too distracting..._

There was a reason why Cullen had asked Fenris to come to him tonight instead of their usual gathering place in the Inquisitors quarters. It was time that the Commander told his Inquisitor he no longer took lyrium.

“You had a table brought in to your office? You did not need to trouble yourself.?” Fenris asked as he made his way to the Commander.

“It was no trouble, love. We missed dinner last night because I messed up. I wanted to make it up to you...And there is something I wanted to tell you as well. Something you should know.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking at the floor.

Cullen could feel Fenris’ gaze on him even if he wasn’t looking at the elf.

“What is it?” Fenris asked, his voice gave nothing away but Cullen could tell his lover was nervous by the way the elf shuffled on his feet.

“Ah.. Maybe we should eat?”

“No. Tell me first. Then we shall eat.”  Fenris said as he walked up to Cullen, placing a hand over Cullen’s effectively stilling the Commander’s nervous habit.”Amatus...Tell me.”

Cullen sighed and lowered his hand, finally looking into those intense green eyes he loved so deeply.

“I...no longer take lyrium. I haven’t been taking it for over a year now. I thought you should know, well because... You are my Inquisitor but more than anything because if we are to be together…I do not know how it will affect me in the future. Some men go mad from lyrium withdrawal. I will always be an addict. There are...side effects.”  Cullen tried to look away but Fenris placed a lyrium etched hand on his cheek.

“The nightmare? That night in the Hinterlands...Is that why it was so real to you?” Asked the elf, as he caressed Cullen’s cheek with his thumb

“Yes...And more. Sometimes my whole body feels like its falling apart...I shake all over. It can be quite alarming.“  The Commander sighed as he looked at Fenris. “I do not expect you to deal with me when that happens.  In truth it does not happen often anymore, but you need to be aware that it could happen when we are...together. I understand if you wish to rethink our relationship, Fen.  It is not easy to be with a recovering addict...”  Cullen felt a lump in his throat.

_Maker, what if he says he does not want me?..._

“Does it ache to be near me?” When Cullen stared at the elf in confusion, Fenris elaborated. “My markings, do they…cause you discomfort? Do they tempt you?”

Understanding dawned on the Commander.

“Maker, no. “ Fenris raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. “I know it doesn’t make sense. But I swear Fen, I don’t know why, but the lyrium in your markings does not cause me pain or test my resolve... _You_ tempt me. Maker, do you tempt me. But for an entirely different reason.”  Cullen lowered his head to Fenris’ until their foreheads touched. “It is only you that I could never refuse, love.  It frightens me that you may decide that I am more trouble that I’m worth...But I could not keep this from you. Maker, I should have told you long ago.”

Fenris smiled and Cullen’s heart skipped a beat. Maker he was beautiful.

“If you believe that I am willing to give up the one thing in my life that I cherish above all else, simply because I do not know what the future holds for us, you do not know me as well as you suppose you do.” Fenris took Cullen’s hand in his own and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss at Commander’s wrist. “I do not know how my markings… and now this power to close rifts will affect me in future either.  It may cut my life short. It may not. It may consume me until there is nothing left but the memory of me. “

“Do not say that even in jest.” Cullen said, looking genuinely worried.

“It is the truth. I do not know. Neither do you. What I do know, is that whatever the future may bring, for good or ill, I wish to spend it at your side. If you would have me.”

Cullen’s heart swelled with warmth and love for his lover...this man that stood before him.

“Maker, but do I love you, Fen.” Cullen closed the gap between them and kissed his lover passionately. Pouring into the kiss everything he felt at that moment. All the love, the doubt, the desire... _everything_.

Cullen grinned into the kiss, trailing his hands down Fenris’ back, down to the elf’s rear, squeezing it firmly. With a sudden jerk he bent his knees and lowered his hands to the back of Fenris’ thighs, pulling the elf’s legs open in one swift motion lifting him up until Fenris had no option but to wrap both his legs around the Commanders waist.

Fenris gasped into the kiss and Cullen could swear he felt the elf’s heart beating even through their combined armours. Cullen loved how Fenris kissed him back without restraint, lyrium lined fingers threading through his blonde hair gripping tightly. Both men moaned, lost in the each other as Cullen walked towards his desk, the elf still holding onto the human like it would kill him to let go. A swipe of an armoured arm saw all the papers on the desk scattered across the floor, and the ex-Templar lay his lover down on its surface as he climbed over him.

“I want you, Fen. I love you so much.” Cullen whispered breathily between kisses.

“Cullen...I..”

The door suddenly crashed open. Fenris and Cullen’s heads snapped to the side in surprise.

“Commander!  Are you all right? I heard...why is the Inquisitor on your desk?”

Cullen lift himself up off the desk and stood glaring at the intruder as Fenris sat up on the, his legs hanging off the edge.

“For Fucks sake Jim! What does it look like?!  Do you not know how to knock?”

“C-commander...I...heard...I thought...you were being attacked.” Jim stuttered, his eyes darting between the obviously furious Commander and the somewhat amused Inquisitor.

“What?!  Did I not leave clear instructions that I would be entertaining the Inquistor tonight and I was not to be disturbed under any circumstances?”  Cullen yelled, the veins in his neck bulging.

“Y-yes but…I...I didn’t know that you and um... the Inquisitor were...were....”

“What Jim? _Fucking_? Yes, we are very much Fucking and I would appreciate it if you got the FUCK out so that I can continue to do just that!”

Jim nodded, blushing like a maid.

“Yes Ser! Sorry, Ser! Inquisitor I...I’m so sorry!”

“OUT!” Cullen yelled once more and the recruit scampered out of the office closing the door behind him.

Cullen turned to face Fenris, pinching his nose with thumb and forefinger.

“I swear I have no idea what to do with that man. He’s absolutely useless.”

Fenris hopped off the desk and placed a hand on Cullen’s arm so that the Commander would look at him.

“Perhaps if we plan on _fucking_ in future, we should do so in my quarters where we can be certain no one will interrupt.” Fenris said with a smirk.

Cullen blushed.

“Makers Breath! Did I really say...”

“Yes. Fenris chuckled.

“Andraste’s Ass....”

Fenris chuckle turned into a full blown laugh. The sound washed away the last of Cullen’s anger and embarrasement as the Commander joined in the laughter.

“Ah… Maybe we should just eat. Are you hungry?” Cullen asked when the laughter dissipated.

“Ravenous.” Fenris replied with a smirk.

_\------------------------------------------------------------_

Zath’ael walked the fade.  The black city...what was the heart of Arlathan hovered above where he strolled.

“My friend.”

Zath’ael turned to see Solas and Jessica standing behind him.

“Fen’Harel. My Lady.” He bowed in greeting.

“Come now. I have told you before. You and I are beyond formalities, Zath’ael.”  Solas said as he walked up to his friend, gently held the other elf’s neck between both hands and brought their foreheads together in greeting. “It is good to see you. “

Solas stepped back and smiled kindly.

“Tell me. How are our allies?”

Zath’ael smiled back.

“Everything is much the same as you left it. Except for one thing...It appears the Inquisitor now has a paramour.”

“He has a what?” Jessica interjected, looking worried. “Is Fenris okay?”

Solas and Zath’ael laughed in unison.

“I would think so, Vhenan.” Solas smirked and wrapped an arm around her waist.

Jessica regarded the two ancient elves, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?” she asked.

“Your cousin and the Inquisitor appear to have found something of a commonality between them. “ Zath’ael said as he bent down to kiss her hand in greeting.

Without warning, Jessica squealed and launched herself at Zath’ael before he’d even finished kissing her hand. She wrapped both arms around him, literally jumping for joy, making the ancient elf bounce along with her. Solas chuckled at the sight of his mate forcing Zath’ael to bounce in a less than becoming manner.

“I take this to mean you are pleased by the news My Lady?” Zath’ael asked, his voice stuttering as they bounced.

“You bet your ass I am!” She exclaimed loudly.

“Perhaps now that is out of the way, we can get back to more important matters?” Asked Solas, amusement clear on his features as Zath’ael looked at him with pleading eyes. Solas placed his hand on his mates shoulder. “Jessica, there are things we need to discuss. Would you mind removing yourself from Zath’aels person?”

“Oh fuck no. We are talking about this now! Zath’ael, tell me EVERYTHING you know.”

Solas rolled his eyes and shrugged.

“Very well. Zath’ael, if you could indulge my mate, I would be very grateful.”

Zath’ael groaned, but ultimately complied.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!!! Feel free to leave me any comments :D
> 
> HUGS FOR ALL!

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading. Feedback is very welcome and appreciated! I hope you enjoyed! :D
> 
> Thank you SO much to Six_Lily_Petals for the beautiful Fan art! Please pop over to the link below and have a look at it, it's awesome! 
> 
> http://sixlilypetals.deviantart.com/art/Cullen-Fenris2-549426792#comments


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